would have snapped at some point. You know that.”
“Take me to see it.”
“Okay.”
12
Jasper
Nothingness.
Somethingless.
I float, and yet I do not float. I sink and yet I rise. I scream and yet I am silent. I have no eyes and yet I have a million eyes. I am obese and yet I am physically fit.
This bites.
We, the lost souls in the land of eternity, spiral endlessly in a world of blackness and all colors, conversing with words that we do not speak.
I’m the only one here who didn’t get to bang Felicia.
Sure, Felicia is no great prize, but apparently she was quite the little hellion in the sack. Not in a “Hi, I’m Felicia, let’s do double penetration” way, but, as the others explain it, if you were sweet to her and brought her flowers and complimented her dress, different acts would be unlocked, like levels on a video game.
I don’t feel jealous or anything. I just wish I had more to contribute to the conversation.
By the way, we all hate Greg. He’d damn well better hope he doesn’t end up here with us…
13
Greg
Carlton was going to be really mad when I showed up at his house with Felicia, but he’d get over it, just like he’d gotten over the fact that the gold coins were worthless.
“ Completely worthless?” I’d asked the appraiser at the coin shop.
The appraiser nodded. “More worthless than gold-foil-covered chocolate. At least with those you get the chocolate. Didn’t you think these seemed kind of light to be gold?”
“How the fuck should we know how much gold coins weigh?” asked Carlton. “Do you think we walk around with gold coins in our pocket? Look at the way we dress!”
“Sir, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to refrain from using coarse language while in my shop,” said the appraiser. “That kind of talk is fine at your Targets or your Wal-Marts, but not here.”
“How about you open wide and suck my—no, you’re right, your store, your rules,” said Carlton, grabbing the coin from the counter. “Okay, if we were so easily duped, then maybe one of your other customers will be, too. Wanna buy it?”
The appraiser shook his head. “No, I don’t believe so.”
As soon as we’d stepped out of the boundaries of the shop, Carlton said, “Fuck.”
“The face lied to us.”
“That son of a bitch. I almost don’t want to kill for him anymore.”
“Almost?” I asked.
“I know that we did it for the treasure, but oddly enough, I still feel that it was a valuable use of our time. We were productive, weren’t we?”
“Very productive.”
“It’s not like we were goofing around on social media.”
“Nope.”
“So my vote is that we keep killing Felicia’s lovers, and when we run out of them, we start killing people who wanted to sleep with her, and when we run out of them, we start killing random strangers who are walking alone at night.”
“All right,” I said.
* * *
“What the hell is she doing here?” Carlton demanded.
“Can we come in?” I asked.
“No, you can’t come in! Are you crazy?”
“Let me in, Carlton,” said Felicia.
“Absolutely not. That would cause complications.”
“I’m not leaving until you let me in.”
“If you come in, here’s what’s going to happen: you’ll get eaten. Now, I’m sure that a godless tramp like you is thinking, ‘Ooooh, sounds good to me!’ but I assure you that this is the bad kind of getting eaten.”
“Greg already told me about the face,” Felicia said.
Carlton looked at me. “You what?”
I nervously scratched my arm. Felicia and I had agreed that she’d reveal her knowledge about the face somewhere around the four-minute mark of this encounter, and we were barely thirty seconds in.
“You what?” Carlton repeated.
“She was going to find out eventually,” I said.
“I suppose you’re right. But I accept no responsibility for what happens if she goes down there.
“Take me to see it.”
“Okay.”
12
Jasper
Nothingness.
Somethingless.
I float, and yet I do not float. I sink and yet I rise. I scream and yet I am silent. I have no eyes and yet I have a million eyes. I am obese and yet I am physically fit.
This bites.
We, the lost souls in the land of eternity, spiral endlessly in a world of blackness and all colors, conversing with words that we do not speak.
I’m the only one here who didn’t get to bang Felicia.
Sure, Felicia is no great prize, but apparently she was quite the little hellion in the sack. Not in a “Hi, I’m Felicia, let’s do double penetration” way, but, as the others explain it, if you were sweet to her and brought her flowers and complimented her dress, different acts would be unlocked, like levels on a video game.
I don’t feel jealous or anything. I just wish I had more to contribute to the conversation.
By the way, we all hate Greg. He’d damn well better hope he doesn’t end up here with us…
13
Greg
Carlton was going to be really mad when I showed up at his house with Felicia, but he’d get over it, just like he’d gotten over the fact that the gold coins were worthless.
“ Completely worthless?” I’d asked the appraiser at the coin shop.
The appraiser nodded. “More worthless than gold-foil-covered chocolate. At least with those you get the chocolate. Didn’t you think these seemed kind of light to be gold?”
“How the fuck should we know how much gold coins weigh?” asked Carlton. “Do you think we walk around with gold coins in our pocket? Look at the way we dress!”
“Sir, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to refrain from using coarse language while in my shop,” said the appraiser. “That kind of talk is fine at your Targets or your Wal-Marts, but not here.”
“How about you open wide and suck my—no, you’re right, your store, your rules,” said Carlton, grabbing the coin from the counter. “Okay, if we were so easily duped, then maybe one of your other customers will be, too. Wanna buy it?”
The appraiser shook his head. “No, I don’t believe so.”
As soon as we’d stepped out of the boundaries of the shop, Carlton said, “Fuck.”
“The face lied to us.”
“That son of a bitch. I almost don’t want to kill for him anymore.”
“Almost?” I asked.
“I know that we did it for the treasure, but oddly enough, I still feel that it was a valuable use of our time. We were productive, weren’t we?”
“Very productive.”
“It’s not like we were goofing around on social media.”
“Nope.”
“So my vote is that we keep killing Felicia’s lovers, and when we run out of them, we start killing people who wanted to sleep with her, and when we run out of them, we start killing random strangers who are walking alone at night.”
“All right,” I said.
* * *
“What the hell is she doing here?” Carlton demanded.
“Can we come in?” I asked.
“No, you can’t come in! Are you crazy?”
“Let me in, Carlton,” said Felicia.
“Absolutely not. That would cause complications.”
“I’m not leaving until you let me in.”
“If you come in, here’s what’s going to happen: you’ll get eaten. Now, I’m sure that a godless tramp like you is thinking, ‘Ooooh, sounds good to me!’ but I assure you that this is the bad kind of getting eaten.”
“Greg already told me about the face,” Felicia said.
Carlton looked at me. “You what?”
I nervously scratched my arm. Felicia and I had agreed that she’d reveal her knowledge about the face somewhere around the four-minute mark of this encounter, and we were barely thirty seconds in.
“You what?” Carlton repeated.
“She was going to find out eventually,” I said.
“I suppose you’re right. But I accept no responsibility for what happens if she goes down there.
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