were saying something different. He looked worried. And scared.
âWhatâs going on with you?â I asked.
He put a pancake on a plate and handed it to me. He sounded like himself when he laughed. âYou know what they say: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.â He looked at me and waited.
âAll day,â I responded. It was our standard jokeâsomething I had said when I was a little kid and tried to justify eating banana pancakes at every mealâbut again I didnât laugh. I wasnât even hungry. âWhereâs Mom?â
âShe left early. Said she had another conference.â
âWhat? She has to get back in time for my birthday.â
âTwo more days.â Dad studied me for a moment. âHow are you feeling?â
âFine. Fine. Just tired.â
âSit down. Eat your breakfast. Iâll drive you to school.â
âOkay, thanks.â Getting a ride sounded great.
The syrup and butter were on the table, but I liked my pancakes plain. I picked it up with my fingers. That was another thing that would usually drive my dad crazy: I liked to eat pancakes with my hands. That morning he didnât seem to notice. I watched him cooking. Usually it was one pancake for me and three for him. One for Mom and two more for him. He had one sitting on a plate on the counter beside the stove, but he hadnât touched it.
âDelicious, Dad. Have you had one?â
âGot one right here.â He gestured to the uneaten pancake. âYummy.â
I watched him until it was time to leave and he never ate one bite. Something was definitely different about him. I wondered if hypnotism could make a person starve to death. I wondered if a fat person could live longer without food than a skinny person? Mr. Snyder, the bio teacher, loved it when we came in with practical questions. I would ask him, I thoughtâif I was awake. Ha ha ha.
Dad tried to cheer me up the whole way to school. He told a string of terrible jokes continuing right up to when he dropped me off. âHope you remembered your lunch,â he said. âYou know whatâs the worst thing in the school cafeteria?â
âWhat?â
âThe food!â He was howling with laughter as he drove away.
I was glad Iâd told him Iâd take the bus home. I couldnât take his cheerfulness. Not that morning, not that day. It didnât seem fair that it was an absolutely beautiful spring day. The sun was warm, the air was soft, the grass in front of the school looked incredibly, shockingly green. How could it be so beautiful out when Luisa was missing and I was hearing voices, possibly losing my mind. Where were the clouds, the ominous sky? It wasnât right to see kids laughing and taking off their jackets and chasing each other around like kindergarteners. I sat on a bench with my head down, waiting for the bell to ring. Someone sat down beside me. I smelled flowers and sure enough, when I looked up, it was Walker.
âWhat are you doing here?â I asked. âDidnât you hear? Luisa is missing.â
He reached for my hand, but I slid away from him. âTwo days until youâre eighteen.â
âSo what? Tell me about Hayden College. Whatâs the campus like? Whoâs your favorite teacher?â
âWellâ¦â he began and stopped.
âDo you even actually go to college?â
âIâm here becauseâ¦â He stopped again. âListen. You canât worry about Luisa.â
I picked up my backpack and stood to go into school, but he took my hand and just like the first time, I felt it all the way up my spine. My muscles went loose and I had to sit back down. âWalker.â
âOctober. Please. Stay away from that new kid. That Trevor. And donât look for Luisa. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the one for the good of the many.â
âYouâre crazy. That doesnât apply here. It
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