Read Online Exposed: A Novel by Ashley Weis - Free Book Online Page B

at the same time, too fast. I turned to Jessie just before I reached the door.
    No words.
    Not a single word came to mind.
    For years we sat in silence, speechless, unable to find words to describe how we felt. Now, silence reminded me of death and not a single word could awaken it.
    I went inside and sat down on the living room floor, back against the couch, knees pulled to my chest. Jessie slumped into the couch a few feet away from me. I didn’t know why, it didn’t make sense, but I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him closer.
    I glanced at his feet. His hand moved toward my shoulder. I pulled away. I didn’t want him to touch me. But I did. Oh, I didn’t know. Addled by all of it, by the fall of my life, my marriage, I couldn’t do anything but stare into space and try to make sense of the puzzle in my head.
    I needed to fix it. I needed to use what I’d learned in school, in all those years of counseling, and fix my marriage.
    I draped my arms over my knees and put my head down.
    Jessie sighed.
    It’s possible, I thought. I could’ve married the wrong person. His dad always said that. Maybe he was right. Maybe we were infatuated and made a stupid decision. But the past, all of those memories, all of those beautiful memories, they had to be real.
    I peered up at Jess—elbow on the arm of the couch, fingers weaved in and out of his hair.
    He sat up. “Talk to me.”
    “About what?”
    “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
    “I just want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to you.”
    Silence quickened the pulse in my ears. The clock ticked as background noise. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Now I knew what people meant when they talked about deafening silence. I wanted to rip the clock off the wall before it split my eardrums. I wanted to close my ears, turn off my heart, receive nothing about the silence, but it settled in the room.
    And it hurt.
    “Why aren’t you saying anything?” I finally said.
    “I don’t want to lie.”
    “So, I’m not the most beautiful woman to you?”
    “Don’t ask me things like that.”
    “What do you think is more beautiful than me? What qualities?”
    He breathed heavily, lips pursed tight and unwilling to budge.
    The silence stung. I’d never been so torn in my entire life. It’s like someone took the perfectly together puzzle of my life and threw it on the floor, leaving every piece to fend for itself. And now I didn’t know where to start. It seemed like ninety-percent of the pieces disappeared.
    “You can tell me.” I already knew anyway.
    “I don’t know.”
    “Please.”
    “Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall—I don’t know. Please don’t make me say this, Ally. I don’t want to hurt you.”
    If I already knew, his words shouldn’t have been so offensive. “Give me a person.”
    His jittery eyes scanned my face.
    “Name someone you think is more beautiful than me.”
    “I’m not doing that.”
    “Please.”
    “Why?”
    “Please.”
    “Ally, I don’t think like that. I don’t compare you to people. There is no most beautiful to me. There are too many different kinds of beautiful to say that. But you are beautiful to me. I swear it. You are.”
    “Is that supposed to make me feel better? The fact that you think hundreds of women are beautiful? That you can’t tell me I’m number one in your eyes?”
    “I don’t know. It’s not possible.”
    “Who’s more beautiful than me?”
    “Anna Lafferty.”
    Anna from our first apartment building? I gasped for air and let out a deep sob.
    Jessie reached for me.
    “So, you think Anna is more beautiful than me?”
    “Yes, she’s more beautiful than you.”
    I looked into his eyes, tears covering my face.
    Nothing could describe that kind of pain, that kind of moment in a marriage.
    Jessie held my hand.
    I slipped my hand from his and walked away. I asked, I know. But it still hurt. Part of me hoped he’d tell me that no one in the world surpassed me in his eyes, but I guess I needed to hear the