Read Online Elrod McBugle on the Loose by Jeff Strand - Free Book Online Page B

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    AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
    (Yes, I realize that it's difficult to stretch out a "G" sound like that, and it doesn't do a lot of good to use the letter "H" six times when it's silent, but at least you get the idea of how frustrated I was.)
    The final bell rang. Normally I was happy to have school end, but this afternoon I could have sat in Pre-Algebra for weeks. Months, if the tests weren't too frequent.
    Scoopy was waiting at my locker. So was Julie.
    "I can't wait to see the fight!" Julie told me, her eyes flashing with excitement. "You're going to show that bully who the real winner is!"
    "I heard you talking at lunch," I said. "You just want me to get beat up because you like Andy."
    "Oh." Julie looked uncomfortable. "You don't mind, do you?"
    "Ask me after my bones heal, if they ever do."
    Julie left. I started to turn the dial on my locker, realized that if I couldn't remember my combination on days when I was feeling good, there was no way I'd be able to remember it in my current state of anxiety. Forget it. No reason to get my homework when I might not have use of my brain later, anyway.
    "Are you feeling strong?" asked Scoopy.
    "No."
    "I could work out with you in the gym for a few minutes, if you think it'll help. Lift a couple weights maybe."
    I shook my head. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be. There might be a good side to this...once he's beaten me to a frothy pulp he may leave me alone for the rest of the year."
    "Well, if it helps, I found out where Hanley Park is. I hear they closed it down because of a really bad squirrel problem."
    "Wonderful."

I'D SAY ABOUT forty kids were hanging around Hanley Park when Scoopy and I got there. One of them was even holding a sign reading "Go, Elrod, Go!" Then it turned it around, showing that the back said "Go Before He Kills You!"
    They had as much confidence in me as I did in myself.
    Maybe that was the problem! Maybe I needed confidence! Andy wasn't that big, and maybe he hadn't started his day with a nutritious breakfast! You know...if I tried hard enough, I could win the fight!
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    No, I was going to get pounded today, no doubt about it. Andy was standing there with Warren and Colin, looking tough. Julie was there with her friends, looking like she was going to swoon any second. I'm sure I looked like I was going to run off going "Yip! Yip! Yip!"
    "Hi," said Andy. "Are you ready?"
    Slowly, I nodded.
    Warren raised his hands for attention. "Okay, everyone, welcome to the official Andy Click versus Elrod McBugle fight. If you're going to place bets, place them now. The rules are, no biting, no scratching, no weapons, no wedgies, and no spitting. But if you get hit in the face and some spit flies out, that doesn't count. Loser is the first person to say 'Uncle.'"
    "Uncle," I said.
    Andy and Warren exchanged whispers. "There's been a change in the rules," Warren announced. "Loser is the first person to cry."
    I tried to make myself cry, but it wasn't working.
    "Is everyone ready to see a fight?"
    My schoolmates cheered. Warren took out a whistle.
    "Let the fight begin...now!"
    He blew the whistle.
    Andy stepped toward me. I stayed right where I was, not out of bravery but because I couldn't move my body.
    A sort of rumbling sound came from the trees. The branches began shaking.
    "It's an earthquake!" somebody exclaimed.
    Suddenly a squirrel leapt from one of the lower branches, landing right on Julie's hair. She screamed and thrashed around, trying to get it off, while the squirrel made loud squirrel noises and danced around on her head.
    More squirrels leapt from the trees, some landing on the ground, some landing on innocent kids who just wanted to see Andy squash me. More and more squirrels emerged, scurrying