with all my weight hanging on the leash until I’d scrambled back to my feet. I watched him, over a short time, fill out impressively. His chest and shoulders and even his head seemed broader and more solid than when I first saw him. And even if he was getting a potbelly from all the fatty raw meat, he could still chug like a train.
We’d return, me sweating, him panting, and he gave me no trouble about going back into the alley. Then, before leaving, I’d skim some of the food I was not supposed to take—today’s special, which wasn’t much better than the old stuff—and I’d feed him again.
“He’s ready,” I told Sully after I’d had Nothing for two weeks. I’d just come in, breathless from my morning at the O’Asis, and Sully was dressing for work.
“My dad changed his mind,” Sully said glumly. “He said Bugs smells, and he can’t live in the house.”
“Jeez, I’m sorry, Sul,” I said, but I was having a hard time appreciating the problem. I had the Big Thing on my mind.
“He said he’d build Bugs a...” Sully sort of gasped when he said it, “... doghouse.” He scooped Bugs up where he was lying on the bed, and he hugged him.
“Oh,” I said. “Well, at least you get to keep him.”
“Ya, I suppose,” he said.
“So, anyway, he’s ready. Sul, Nothing’s ready. Tonight’s the night. It pissed rain on him yesterday, and it’s gonna be hellish hot today, and he’s gonna be meeeean....”
“Congratulations,” he said lifelessly.
“You gonna come with me?”
He threw me a look, then walked right past me. I grabbed his shoulder to ask him again.
Bugs let out a screamy little arf, and bit my hand with those sharp teeth.
“Ow! Jesus, Sul, can’t you control him?”
“No. Neither one of us wants to discuss this subject. You go wherever you want tonight, leave us out of it.”
“I know what you think, Sul, and actually, I agree in a way. But this is it for me. This is the thing, the one and final thing that I just have to take care of. Then it’ll be no more. I gotta get this done. I gotta beat him, Sul, for good.”
Sully shook his head at me, stroked Bugs. I seemed to have made him very sad. “I don’t know, Mick. Definitely, there’s something out there that’s eatin’ you up alive, and I guess you gotta get it before it gets you... but I don’t think messin’ with Terry is gonna fix you up.”
I reached out and tried to stroke the dog. He snapped at me again.
“Yes it is, Sul,” I said. It was the first time I had come out with it, to anyone. It was the first time I had said it to myself. “Beating Terry, beating him into the ground, is the only way. The only single thing I’m absolutely sure of at this point is that I know I cannot exist knowing that he exists at the same time. He won’t go away, understand? Somehow, he has a hold of me, and he’s beating me, even right now.”
Sully took a long pause and a step back. “Mick, let me try this one time. You’re brain-blown. Your brother has got you so screwed up, you have no perspective. You’re acting exactly the way he wants you to act. You’re losing a mind game to a guy who has no mind whatsoever.”
He was right! There it was. That instant, Sully showed it to me, what he could see, and probably everyone else could see but me. How stupid I looked because I was getting so blind with hate. I could see it all, just like that.
Then it was gone again, just like that.
I could kill Terry, kill him, that evil sonofabitch.
“After tonight, Sul. It’ll be all fixed, after tonight. It’ll be all better, and I won’t have any more problem.”
I went to the phone to make my date, while Sully walked down the stairs shaking his head and squeezing his dog.
Bloody Sundays was buzzing when Nothing and I came through the front door. A lot of mouths dropped open at the sight of the animal I could barely restrain on the choke chain. Everybody offered to buy me a drink, but I didn’t even turn my head as I
We’d return, me sweating, him panting, and he gave me no trouble about going back into the alley. Then, before leaving, I’d skim some of the food I was not supposed to take—today’s special, which wasn’t much better than the old stuff—and I’d feed him again.
“He’s ready,” I told Sully after I’d had Nothing for two weeks. I’d just come in, breathless from my morning at the O’Asis, and Sully was dressing for work.
“My dad changed his mind,” Sully said glumly. “He said Bugs smells, and he can’t live in the house.”
“Jeez, I’m sorry, Sul,” I said, but I was having a hard time appreciating the problem. I had the Big Thing on my mind.
“He said he’d build Bugs a...” Sully sort of gasped when he said it, “... doghouse.” He scooped Bugs up where he was lying on the bed, and he hugged him.
“Oh,” I said. “Well, at least you get to keep him.”
“Ya, I suppose,” he said.
“So, anyway, he’s ready. Sul, Nothing’s ready. Tonight’s the night. It pissed rain on him yesterday, and it’s gonna be hellish hot today, and he’s gonna be meeeean....”
“Congratulations,” he said lifelessly.
“You gonna come with me?”
He threw me a look, then walked right past me. I grabbed his shoulder to ask him again.
Bugs let out a screamy little arf, and bit my hand with those sharp teeth.
“Ow! Jesus, Sul, can’t you control him?”
“No. Neither one of us wants to discuss this subject. You go wherever you want tonight, leave us out of it.”
“I know what you think, Sul, and actually, I agree in a way. But this is it for me. This is the thing, the one and final thing that I just have to take care of. Then it’ll be no more. I gotta get this done. I gotta beat him, Sul, for good.”
Sully shook his head at me, stroked Bugs. I seemed to have made him very sad. “I don’t know, Mick. Definitely, there’s something out there that’s eatin’ you up alive, and I guess you gotta get it before it gets you... but I don’t think messin’ with Terry is gonna fix you up.”
I reached out and tried to stroke the dog. He snapped at me again.
“Yes it is, Sul,” I said. It was the first time I had come out with it, to anyone. It was the first time I had said it to myself. “Beating Terry, beating him into the ground, is the only way. The only single thing I’m absolutely sure of at this point is that I know I cannot exist knowing that he exists at the same time. He won’t go away, understand? Somehow, he has a hold of me, and he’s beating me, even right now.”
Sully took a long pause and a step back. “Mick, let me try this one time. You’re brain-blown. Your brother has got you so screwed up, you have no perspective. You’re acting exactly the way he wants you to act. You’re losing a mind game to a guy who has no mind whatsoever.”
He was right! There it was. That instant, Sully showed it to me, what he could see, and probably everyone else could see but me. How stupid I looked because I was getting so blind with hate. I could see it all, just like that.
Then it was gone again, just like that.
I could kill Terry, kill him, that evil sonofabitch.
“After tonight, Sul. It’ll be all fixed, after tonight. It’ll be all better, and I won’t have any more problem.”
I went to the phone to make my date, while Sully walked down the stairs shaking his head and squeezing his dog.
Bloody Sundays was buzzing when Nothing and I came through the front door. A lot of mouths dropped open at the sight of the animal I could barely restrain on the choke chain. Everybody offered to buy me a drink, but I didn’t even turn my head as I
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