Read Online Dispatches from the Sporting Life by Mordecai Richler - Free Book Online
Authors: Mordecai Richler
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“Dr. Tilney,” the man said, “has seven degrees.”
The doctor, a sturdily built man in his mid-sixties, looked surprisingly young for his years.
“Can you tell me,” I asked, “at what colleges you got your degrees?”
“What’s the difference what college? A college is a college. Some college graduates end up digging ditches. It’s what you make of yourself that counts in this world.”
“What exactly do you do, Doctor?”
“Oh, I lecture on health and success and that sort of stuff.”
Suddenly Ben Weider was upon us. “Sorry to interrupt your interview,” he said, “but the show must go on.”
A young French-Canadian body builder mounted the platform to introduce Dr. Tilney. “The doctor,” he said, “has travelled all over the world and is one of the most famous editors and writers in it.”
“Well, then,” Dr. Tilney said, “I’m sure all you washed-out, weak, worn-out, suffering, sickly men want to renew your youth and delay that trip to the underground bungalow.”
A body builder came out and struck a classic pose.
Dr. Tilney beamed at us. “We have assembled here some of the finest examples of manhood in the world. We are building a new race of muscularmarvels, greater than the Greek gods. We’re doing it scientifically.”
Mr. Ireland assumed a heroic pose.
“You too,” Dr. Tilney told us, “can develop a physique like Bill Cook’s and overcome constipation, hernia, hardening of the arteries, diarrhea, heart disease, tuberculosis, rheumatism, and so forth.”
We were introduced to Ed Theriault and his eight-year-old son, who demonstrated the Weider Chest Expander.
“This man here,” the doctor said, “is the strongest short man in the world. He can do it—so can you! And look at this boy here. Isn’t he sensational? Body building is one of the finest means of overcoming delinquency. If the kid’s in the gym he’s not in the poolroom. Why, I’m sure none of you want your boy to grow up a skinny runt—puny! You want him to be a real Weider he-man!”
Some other men came out to demonstrate weight lifting.
“And just look at the fine equipment, Weider equipment,” the doctor said. “Guaranteed to last a lifetime. No parts to break. Isn’t it something? And I have news for you. Eaton’s is going to make this beautiful equipment available to you on their wonderful convenient time-payment plan. Isn’t that something?”
Ben Weider applauded.
“You men out there,” the doctor said, “want to have the bodies the Creator meant you to have, don’t you?”
Mr. Scotland Sr. asked if he could say a few words.
“Sure.”
“I just wanted to tell you,” he said, “that I’m glad to be in your city, it’s a wonderful opportunity, and I think body building is marvellous.”
“Isn’t that sensational?” Dr. Tilney said.
Chuck Sipes, the former Mr. America, came out and bent some enormous nails. He asked for a hot-water bottle and blew it up and exploded it just like a child’s balloon.
“He’s demonstrating wonderful lung power,” Dr. Tilney said.
Chuck said he’d like to tear a telephone book for us.
“You’ll notice,” the doctor said, “that he’s starting on the real tough end, the bound end of the book.”
Chuck pulled, he grimaced, he grunted, he pulled again.
“A lot of you folks have heard body builders are musclebound. Well, you just watch Chuck here demonstrate …”
Chuck couldn’t tear the book. He apologized, explaining that his hands were still greasy from having rubbed so much olive oil on his chest before posing for us.
“See you on Sunday at the Monument National,” Dr. Tilney said.
The crowd began to disperse. I went home to study Weider’s magazines and correspondence courses and to read up on Dr. Tilney, in anticipation of the grand contest on Sunday.
The pinups and articles in
Muscle Builder
and
Mr. America
appear between advertisements for Weider equipment. In one advertisement in
Muscle Builder,
Weider offers
The doctor, a sturdily built man in his mid-sixties, looked surprisingly young for his years.
“Can you tell me,” I asked, “at what colleges you got your degrees?”
“What’s the difference what college? A college is a college. Some college graduates end up digging ditches. It’s what you make of yourself that counts in this world.”
“What exactly do you do, Doctor?”
“Oh, I lecture on health and success and that sort of stuff.”
Suddenly Ben Weider was upon us. “Sorry to interrupt your interview,” he said, “but the show must go on.”
A young French-Canadian body builder mounted the platform to introduce Dr. Tilney. “The doctor,” he said, “has travelled all over the world and is one of the most famous editors and writers in it.”
“Well, then,” Dr. Tilney said, “I’m sure all you washed-out, weak, worn-out, suffering, sickly men want to renew your youth and delay that trip to the underground bungalow.”
A body builder came out and struck a classic pose.
Dr. Tilney beamed at us. “We have assembled here some of the finest examples of manhood in the world. We are building a new race of muscularmarvels, greater than the Greek gods. We’re doing it scientifically.”
Mr. Ireland assumed a heroic pose.
“You too,” Dr. Tilney told us, “can develop a physique like Bill Cook’s and overcome constipation, hernia, hardening of the arteries, diarrhea, heart disease, tuberculosis, rheumatism, and so forth.”
We were introduced to Ed Theriault and his eight-year-old son, who demonstrated the Weider Chest Expander.
“This man here,” the doctor said, “is the strongest short man in the world. He can do it—so can you! And look at this boy here. Isn’t he sensational? Body building is one of the finest means of overcoming delinquency. If the kid’s in the gym he’s not in the poolroom. Why, I’m sure none of you want your boy to grow up a skinny runt—puny! You want him to be a real Weider he-man!”
Some other men came out to demonstrate weight lifting.
“And just look at the fine equipment, Weider equipment,” the doctor said. “Guaranteed to last a lifetime. No parts to break. Isn’t it something? And I have news for you. Eaton’s is going to make this beautiful equipment available to you on their wonderful convenient time-payment plan. Isn’t that something?”
Ben Weider applauded.
“You men out there,” the doctor said, “want to have the bodies the Creator meant you to have, don’t you?”
Mr. Scotland Sr. asked if he could say a few words.
“Sure.”
“I just wanted to tell you,” he said, “that I’m glad to be in your city, it’s a wonderful opportunity, and I think body building is marvellous.”
“Isn’t that sensational?” Dr. Tilney said.
Chuck Sipes, the former Mr. America, came out and bent some enormous nails. He asked for a hot-water bottle and blew it up and exploded it just like a child’s balloon.
“He’s demonstrating wonderful lung power,” Dr. Tilney said.
Chuck said he’d like to tear a telephone book for us.
“You’ll notice,” the doctor said, “that he’s starting on the real tough end, the bound end of the book.”
Chuck pulled, he grimaced, he grunted, he pulled again.
“A lot of you folks have heard body builders are musclebound. Well, you just watch Chuck here demonstrate …”
Chuck couldn’t tear the book. He apologized, explaining that his hands were still greasy from having rubbed so much olive oil on his chest before posing for us.
“See you on Sunday at the Monument National,” Dr. Tilney said.
The crowd began to disperse. I went home to study Weider’s magazines and correspondence courses and to read up on Dr. Tilney, in anticipation of the grand contest on Sunday.
The pinups and articles in
Muscle Builder
and
Mr. America
appear between advertisements for Weider equipment. In one advertisement in
Muscle Builder,
Weider offers
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