fall and winter and an early spring, and then, suddenly, it was as though he'd never been a part of our lives at all. His second month at River Run Rest Lodge and we couldn't remember when we'd next be able to make the long drive up the coast.
And then other things emerged, other things that left no room, no time, no space for that sweet-faced young man who, so ill, would shudder against me despite his height, his gun holster, his still-broad (but not for long) shoulders. Was that it?
"How very tragic," says Alice. "Like out of a movie. It could be a movie. Poor Lora."
"She'll find someone and it'll be right," Bill says firmly.
I feel my eye twitch against the pillow. I press my hand to it, hard.
"Well, I'm going to help."
"Oh, Alice, I wouldn't--"
"I know lots of wonderful men. Men from the studios."
"I don't think Lora would want to date anyone in the movie business. That's not Lora."
"Oh, brothers don't know," Alice says. "And I can't bear to see her with these sad sacks from school. These men with the saggy collars and shoes like potatoes. I'm going to get her with a real sharpshooter. If you had your way ..."
"Alice, you don't know Lora. She won't--"
"Just watch me."
I can hear her smile even if I don't see it. It doesn't seem real, that this is me they are talking about. I look out the window, at the heavy jacaranda branches trembling gently against the pane. I think, for a moment, about the men Alice seems to know and it's hard to believe they really exist. That they could enter my life, my small world. What would it mean if they came crashing in the same way Alice has?
As my cheek leans against the glass, I realize suddenly how hot my face is. I press my hand to it, surprised.
It is a long time before I fall asleep.
With this forewarning, I am prepared when, after one of what Alice refers to as my "sad sack" dates, she phones me and announces she is ready to play matchmaker.
"His name is Mike Standish. Can you believe it? I call him Stand Mannish."
"What does he do? He's not an actor."
Die a Little -- 43 --
"No, no, of course not. He's with the publicity department. He's delicious, Lora. He's a huge, strapping man. He's like a tree, a redwood. He's a lumberjack."
I am always surprised by what Alice thinks might make a man sound attractive to me.
"I don't know."
"Lora, he's very smart and accomplished. For God's sake, he went to Col-um-bia University."
"He doesn't want to date a schoolteacher in Pasadena."
"He wants to date you. I set it all up. He's taking you to Perino's and then to the Cocoanut Grove. The only question is what you should wear."
"When is all this supposed to happen?"
Why not, for God's sake. Why not.
"One thing, Lora, one thing," she says, and it's almost a whisper, a voice burrowing straight into my head. "This is what he does: first thing, he warns you that he's going to charm you, and that warning becomes part of his charm."
Die a Little -- 44 --
[?]*[?]
"Hey, Shanghai Lil, come over here," my brother says, waving his arm toward Alice.
"I think that you no love me still." She pouts, imitation geisha, as she pads over in her brand-new Anna May Wong-style silk pajamas.
"See how nice it can be staying home on a Saturday night." He smiles peacefully, tucking her into his arms.
"Until you get the call." She sighs.
"Not tonight. Promise."
"Your sister will have fun enough for us all." She turns from inside the serge curl of my brother's arm and looks to me.
"Oh? Where are you going?" He straightens up suddenly and peeks out over Alice's blue silk to see me.
I pause.
"Just to dinner, I think. And then dancing maybe." I stare at my lipstick, then dab a bit more on for good measure.
"Mike Standish shows a lady a good time." Alice slides out from Bill's arms and slinks over to me.
"We can go out, too, Alice. I just thought--"
"That's not what I meant," Alice says, curling up in front of me as I sit in the wing chair.
"Maybe we can join them. I--"
"No, no, no,
And then other things emerged, other things that left no room, no time, no space for that sweet-faced young man who, so ill, would shudder against me despite his height, his gun holster, his still-broad (but not for long) shoulders. Was that it?
"How very tragic," says Alice. "Like out of a movie. It could be a movie. Poor Lora."
"She'll find someone and it'll be right," Bill says firmly.
I feel my eye twitch against the pillow. I press my hand to it, hard.
"Well, I'm going to help."
"Oh, Alice, I wouldn't--"
"I know lots of wonderful men. Men from the studios."
"I don't think Lora would want to date anyone in the movie business. That's not Lora."
"Oh, brothers don't know," Alice says. "And I can't bear to see her with these sad sacks from school. These men with the saggy collars and shoes like potatoes. I'm going to get her with a real sharpshooter. If you had your way ..."
"Alice, you don't know Lora. She won't--"
"Just watch me."
I can hear her smile even if I don't see it. It doesn't seem real, that this is me they are talking about. I look out the window, at the heavy jacaranda branches trembling gently against the pane. I think, for a moment, about the men Alice seems to know and it's hard to believe they really exist. That they could enter my life, my small world. What would it mean if they came crashing in the same way Alice has?
As my cheek leans against the glass, I realize suddenly how hot my face is. I press my hand to it, surprised.
It is a long time before I fall asleep.
With this forewarning, I am prepared when, after one of what Alice refers to as my "sad sack" dates, she phones me and announces she is ready to play matchmaker.
"His name is Mike Standish. Can you believe it? I call him Stand Mannish."
"What does he do? He's not an actor."
Die a Little -- 43 --
"No, no, of course not. He's with the publicity department. He's delicious, Lora. He's a huge, strapping man. He's like a tree, a redwood. He's a lumberjack."
I am always surprised by what Alice thinks might make a man sound attractive to me.
"I don't know."
"Lora, he's very smart and accomplished. For God's sake, he went to Col-um-bia University."
"He doesn't want to date a schoolteacher in Pasadena."
"He wants to date you. I set it all up. He's taking you to Perino's and then to the Cocoanut Grove. The only question is what you should wear."
"When is all this supposed to happen?"
Why not, for God's sake. Why not.
"One thing, Lora, one thing," she says, and it's almost a whisper, a voice burrowing straight into my head. "This is what he does: first thing, he warns you that he's going to charm you, and that warning becomes part of his charm."
Die a Little -- 44 --
[?]*[?]
"Hey, Shanghai Lil, come over here," my brother says, waving his arm toward Alice.
"I think that you no love me still." She pouts, imitation geisha, as she pads over in her brand-new Anna May Wong-style silk pajamas.
"See how nice it can be staying home on a Saturday night." He smiles peacefully, tucking her into his arms.
"Until you get the call." She sighs.
"Not tonight. Promise."
"Your sister will have fun enough for us all." She turns from inside the serge curl of my brother's arm and looks to me.
"Oh? Where are you going?" He straightens up suddenly and peeks out over Alice's blue silk to see me.
I pause.
"Just to dinner, I think. And then dancing maybe." I stare at my lipstick, then dab a bit more on for good measure.
"Mike Standish shows a lady a good time." Alice slides out from Bill's arms and slinks over to me.
"We can go out, too, Alice. I just thought--"
"That's not what I meant," Alice says, curling up in front of me as I sit in the wing chair.
"Maybe we can join them. I--"
"No, no, no,
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