Read Online Diary of an Assistant Mistress by Teri Power - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Teri Power
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eighth and ninth years to do will eventually get marked.
Tuesday 29th March
Edie had what was referred to as a "hen party." I honestly didn't know anybody did things like that these days. It was a very dreary affair consisting mainly of PE teachers with about half a brain cell between them.
They dutifully squealed when the male strip-o-gram indecently assaulted their colleague in public.
I tried to be bright and amusing without mentioning religion or politics. It was rather like attending a convention of Klanswomen - except they were less interestingly dressed.
Wednesday 30th March
I have the father and mother of all hangovers this morning.. and for what?
Thursday 31st March
Tried to make up for the marking I didn't do yesterday and succeeded. Only the SAT forms to go now.
April
There are many advantages in not being in school on this day. One is the infantile and repetitive practical jokes. Then there are the ones the children do.
----
The great day arrived. One morning spent cutting sandwiches, twenty minutes in the registry office and then the sort of overextended bacchanal that George would have enjoyed if he and Edie hadn't been slipping off early to an undisclosed destination.
The PE hearties were there of course, trying to see how many pints they could sink and boasting about the size of their equipment.
The Maths department were spread around the room in warring cliques. The English department were huddled in one clique. Oz got tired and emotional very early in the proceedings and started to reminisce about his days in the SDP. Clair told a very funny story about Joan Collins and an elephant. Frances told us about her holiday in France. I told them all about waiting for Monarch airlines at Alicante airport. Jill and Tessa said very little and Alistair told us all about his vasectomy. Twice.
James always feels a bit out of it on these occasions. When we got home and fell into bed he insisted on blindfolding me with a folded black stocking and I cannot describe what happened next.
Saturday 2nd April supplemental
Oh yes I can. I felt his hands and his tongue going everywhere you can imagine and several places you probably can't. Then I heard Victor, who seemed to buzz for an awfully long time before he got to me, so I can only speculate. When Victor got to me I found out soon enough that James had smeared Algipan all along his length. If I had any drowsiness left, it vanished at this point.
Sunday 3rd April
Got up around ten. Orange juice is the only hangover cure I know. WE were out of orange juice. Went for a walk in the fresh air. Passed the local pond, saw the same two girls as last time ostensibly feeding the ducks. They saw me and stopped throwing anything until I was past them. Then they shouted out "Paki Bitch!" and some nearby boys started laughing.
I walked back to the girls and this time I really let them have it verbally, I can be fairly scathing when I get going and when I have a hangover to boot.
I wonder what, if anything, this has achieved. I imagine they will yell their racist abuse from a greater distance next time.
Monday 4th April
God is dead, Karl Marx is dead and I don't feel too good myself.
Tuesday 5th April
I made an appointment with the doctor and told him all about my symptoms. For example I have had a sore throat for a long time. He suggested that this was chronic pharyngitis. Since pharyngitis is a sore throat and chronic means "for a long time" I was in no position to fault his diagnosis.
He also said that I probably had a bug of some sort and there was a lot of it about.
Wednesday 6th April
Went in to work to count the computers. I also took the opportunity to ring the computer experts. No reply. Started on tenth year profiles. Got fed up and started ninth year reports.
Thursday 7th April
Started on ninth year reports, got fed up and started on tenth year profiles. James had one of his imported videos from Denmark - Dirty Dens as they are called (at
Tuesday 29th March
Edie had what was referred to as a "hen party." I honestly didn't know anybody did things like that these days. It was a very dreary affair consisting mainly of PE teachers with about half a brain cell between them.
They dutifully squealed when the male strip-o-gram indecently assaulted their colleague in public.
I tried to be bright and amusing without mentioning religion or politics. It was rather like attending a convention of Klanswomen - except they were less interestingly dressed.
Wednesday 30th March
I have the father and mother of all hangovers this morning.. and for what?
Thursday 31st March
Tried to make up for the marking I didn't do yesterday and succeeded. Only the SAT forms to go now.
April
There are many advantages in not being in school on this day. One is the infantile and repetitive practical jokes. Then there are the ones the children do.
----
The great day arrived. One morning spent cutting sandwiches, twenty minutes in the registry office and then the sort of overextended bacchanal that George would have enjoyed if he and Edie hadn't been slipping off early to an undisclosed destination.
The PE hearties were there of course, trying to see how many pints they could sink and boasting about the size of their equipment.
The Maths department were spread around the room in warring cliques. The English department were huddled in one clique. Oz got tired and emotional very early in the proceedings and started to reminisce about his days in the SDP. Clair told a very funny story about Joan Collins and an elephant. Frances told us about her holiday in France. I told them all about waiting for Monarch airlines at Alicante airport. Jill and Tessa said very little and Alistair told us all about his vasectomy. Twice.
James always feels a bit out of it on these occasions. When we got home and fell into bed he insisted on blindfolding me with a folded black stocking and I cannot describe what happened next.
Saturday 2nd April supplemental
Oh yes I can. I felt his hands and his tongue going everywhere you can imagine and several places you probably can't. Then I heard Victor, who seemed to buzz for an awfully long time before he got to me, so I can only speculate. When Victor got to me I found out soon enough that James had smeared Algipan all along his length. If I had any drowsiness left, it vanished at this point.
Sunday 3rd April
Got up around ten. Orange juice is the only hangover cure I know. WE were out of orange juice. Went for a walk in the fresh air. Passed the local pond, saw the same two girls as last time ostensibly feeding the ducks. They saw me and stopped throwing anything until I was past them. Then they shouted out "Paki Bitch!" and some nearby boys started laughing.
I walked back to the girls and this time I really let them have it verbally, I can be fairly scathing when I get going and when I have a hangover to boot.
I wonder what, if anything, this has achieved. I imagine they will yell their racist abuse from a greater distance next time.
Monday 4th April
God is dead, Karl Marx is dead and I don't feel too good myself.
Tuesday 5th April
I made an appointment with the doctor and told him all about my symptoms. For example I have had a sore throat for a long time. He suggested that this was chronic pharyngitis. Since pharyngitis is a sore throat and chronic means "for a long time" I was in no position to fault his diagnosis.
He also said that I probably had a bug of some sort and there was a lot of it about.
Wednesday 6th April
Went in to work to count the computers. I also took the opportunity to ring the computer experts. No reply. Started on tenth year profiles. Got fed up and started ninth year reports.
Thursday 7th April
Started on ninth year reports, got fed up and started on tenth year profiles. James had one of his imported videos from Denmark - Dirty Dens as they are called (at
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