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house to another with such formality that it scared me. The seriousness with which they were taking my safety reminded me of just how much danger all of us were in. I’d relaxed a little being with Brian the last week, but it wouldn’t take long for Steven to find the boardinghouse since a few of Nick’s models lived there. He’d only need to follow any of them home one night, and they would be exposed.
    It was crazy. I knew I should go back to him so he didn’t hurt anyone else, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Brian again. It was so selfish, even for me.
    “Are you still in a lot of pain?” Brian asked, his voice soft and sad. I shook my head and then rested it on his shoulder. He pressed his cheek to my forehead in response, and we waited quietly while Leo climbed into the driver’s seat and started the van with a rumble. The metal beneath us vibrated, and I put my hand on Brian’s knee. We lurched a bit when Leo hit the gas and started us toward our new home.
    The drive turned out to be longer than I expected.
    “Where is the apartment?” I asked as I pulled my knees up almost to my chest and felt a twinge in my stomach when the skin stretched.
    We’d driven for almost forty-five minutes, and it felt like we were still on the highway. The rate of speed held constant with no stops and starts like you would normally find in city traffic. My ass was going to have permanent marks from the grooves on the metal floor.
    “Oh, the apartment that Leo found for us is kind of far from the boardinghouse, but it’s also far from the studio and from O’Dell’s apartment. The neighborhood isn’t great, but it’s clean and far away from downtown.”
    At first, I felt anger at myself for forcing him to move from the nice neighborhood that contained the boardinghouse, but I stopped the thought. It had been his decision to move, his decision to take me in the first place. If we were going to make a relationship work between us, we had to not only accept each other’s decisions, but also start making our decisions together. Based on our conversation from a few days 42
    Jamie Mayfield

    before, we were a couple again. One thing I’d learned since I’d found Brian in that porn studio just a few months ago was that I didn’t need to protect him. Back in Alabama, I’d always tried to keep him under my wing, both in school and outside of it. He’d always seemed so vulnerable to me, and I never wanted to let anything hurt him. But it seemed in the last few years, our roles had reversed. I was the vulnerable one, and he continued to keep me under his wing.
    God, I loved him for it.
    “We’re getting close,” Brian said as he craned his neck to see out the windshield. I hadn’t bothered to look because I doubted I’d know where I was anyway. The only places I ever saw in San Diego once Steven had taken me in were his apartment, the studio, the grocery store, the library, and the occasional restaurant. I’d been in the city for two years, but I’d never really seen any of it. “It’s just off the highway.”
    The van slowed, and we turned off onto another street. My excitement grew with every foot that brought us closer to the apartment. Just the idea of living with Brian, being able to see him every day and share my life with him, put the fear of Steven to the back of my mind for a while. I still felt pain, but the anticipation seemed to lessen the impact.
    When we stopped and Leo turned off the ignition, I looked at Brian with the biggest smile I’d felt on my face in a long time. He smiled back and kissed me, taking his usual care to be gentle, but I didn’t want to be gentle. Tossing the kitty pillow to the side, I straddled his lap and deepened the kiss, threading my fingers in his long curls. I loved the way he moaned against my mouth, the way his hands caressed my lower back as he kissed me.
    The harsh light from the opening van door broke us apart, so I crawled off Brian’s lap and out of