Read Online Defying Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC Series Book 3) by Shelly Morgan - Free Book Online
Authors: Shelly Morgan
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She’s one of my best friends now, like a sister to me.
“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Harlow is just in a bad place right now. She’s hurting and the only thing that probably makes her feel even a sliver better, is to make others feel as miserable as she does. I’m sorry she acted that way toward you, Sara, but I promise, she didn’t mean it personally,” I say as I hold her, hoping I’m not telling a lie.
I shouldn’t promise that, especially since I have no idea what is going through Harlow’s head right now, but deep down, I know Harlow doesn’t mean anything by it. She really is just in pain and she’s acting out. Fuck, I know that feeling better than most. I lived it. Breathed it for the longest time. I just need to bring her out of it, get her to talk to me, tell me what’s going on or what happened. I can help her, I know I can. She just has to let me.
“Do you love her?” Sara asks as she pulls back and looks me in the eyes with tears in hers.
Her question throws me off for a minute. Love ? Do I love Harlow? No, I don’t think so. I care about her and feel for her what I’ve never felt for anyone, even Dani, but I don’t love her. You can’t love someone who isn’t around, someone who leaves you and hurts you in ways that you can’t even describe.
Sara must see my thoughts painted all over my face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
She tries to pull away, but instead, I pull her into one last hug. “You never have to apologize to me, Sar-Bear. It’s just, before she left, things were good. Like, real good. I was starting to feel like I wasn’t alone in this world anymore. I mean, I know I have the club and all my brothers, and Dani even, but sometimes, I still felt alone. But when she started working here, it was like none of that mattered, or maybe all those feelings just disappeared, I don’t know. But then things got complicated, and before I could figure it out or fix it, she left. She just walked away from all of us, with just a note saying she didn’t know if or when she’d be back. No explanations, no goodbyes. Just gone .”
I think back to the way it made me feel when I saw that note. I remember thinking that it was no big deal, that maybe she just needed some time and would be back. Maybe not the next day or the next week, but she’d be back soon. But soon never came.
“And now she’s back and instead of feeling like all is right in the world, I feel like there’s still this dark hole inside me. What if what I was feeling before she left wasn’t real? What if it was just a cover? And this, this feeling of darkness, is the real me? I’ve always been dark, and when she was here, it was like I finally had this light shined on me. I’m sure you’ve heard all about Dani and me, and even if you didn’t, there’s no need to rehash it now, but I didn’t even feel that way with her. So, what if that light, that good feeling I had, was just a joke…a lie? I mean, if it wasn’t, shouldn’t I have that light back now that Harlow is here again?”
I hate having all these questions, all these unanswered what ifs or whys. I’ve never been the type of guy to question things or feelings. I just went with what I was feeling and let it take hold of me. But now…now I just feel lost. And angry.
Shaking my head of those thoughts, I look back at Sara. “So you asked if I loved Harlow. She’s inside of me, that’s for sure, but it’s not love.”
***
It’s been a week of pure hell. Things have not gotten better with Harlow; they are getting worse it seems like every second of every day. It’s feels like a race to see who the fuck is gonna snap first: me, Dani, Blaze, Toby, or Harlow. Everyone is at their breaking point. Me, because I have no idea what the fuck is going on with her and I’m pissed that she’s keeping me out. She barely even fucking talks to me these days, unless it’s one word answers, and even then you can tell she’d
“No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Harlow is just in a bad place right now. She’s hurting and the only thing that probably makes her feel even a sliver better, is to make others feel as miserable as she does. I’m sorry she acted that way toward you, Sara, but I promise, she didn’t mean it personally,” I say as I hold her, hoping I’m not telling a lie.
I shouldn’t promise that, especially since I have no idea what is going through Harlow’s head right now, but deep down, I know Harlow doesn’t mean anything by it. She really is just in pain and she’s acting out. Fuck, I know that feeling better than most. I lived it. Breathed it for the longest time. I just need to bring her out of it, get her to talk to me, tell me what’s going on or what happened. I can help her, I know I can. She just has to let me.
“Do you love her?” Sara asks as she pulls back and looks me in the eyes with tears in hers.
Her question throws me off for a minute. Love ? Do I love Harlow? No, I don’t think so. I care about her and feel for her what I’ve never felt for anyone, even Dani, but I don’t love her. You can’t love someone who isn’t around, someone who leaves you and hurts you in ways that you can’t even describe.
Sara must see my thoughts painted all over my face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”
She tries to pull away, but instead, I pull her into one last hug. “You never have to apologize to me, Sar-Bear. It’s just, before she left, things were good. Like, real good. I was starting to feel like I wasn’t alone in this world anymore. I mean, I know I have the club and all my brothers, and Dani even, but sometimes, I still felt alone. But when she started working here, it was like none of that mattered, or maybe all those feelings just disappeared, I don’t know. But then things got complicated, and before I could figure it out or fix it, she left. She just walked away from all of us, with just a note saying she didn’t know if or when she’d be back. No explanations, no goodbyes. Just gone .”
I think back to the way it made me feel when I saw that note. I remember thinking that it was no big deal, that maybe she just needed some time and would be back. Maybe not the next day or the next week, but she’d be back soon. But soon never came.
“And now she’s back and instead of feeling like all is right in the world, I feel like there’s still this dark hole inside me. What if what I was feeling before she left wasn’t real? What if it was just a cover? And this, this feeling of darkness, is the real me? I’ve always been dark, and when she was here, it was like I finally had this light shined on me. I’m sure you’ve heard all about Dani and me, and even if you didn’t, there’s no need to rehash it now, but I didn’t even feel that way with her. So, what if that light, that good feeling I had, was just a joke…a lie? I mean, if it wasn’t, shouldn’t I have that light back now that Harlow is here again?”
I hate having all these questions, all these unanswered what ifs or whys. I’ve never been the type of guy to question things or feelings. I just went with what I was feeling and let it take hold of me. But now…now I just feel lost. And angry.
Shaking my head of those thoughts, I look back at Sara. “So you asked if I loved Harlow. She’s inside of me, that’s for sure, but it’s not love.”
***
It’s been a week of pure hell. Things have not gotten better with Harlow; they are getting worse it seems like every second of every day. It’s feels like a race to see who the fuck is gonna snap first: me, Dani, Blaze, Toby, or Harlow. Everyone is at their breaking point. Me, because I have no idea what the fuck is going on with her and I’m pissed that she’s keeping me out. She barely even fucking talks to me these days, unless it’s one word answers, and even then you can tell she’d
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