voice. “But you drove me to him. You–”
“Shut up!” Dad yelled. “I drove you to him? How exactly did I do that? By being the good, supportive husband
all these years? By standing by you with your drinking and your mental problems?
By continually making excuses for you? Even when you turned up pregnant with
some other guy’s bastard, I looked after you.” He hit the steering wheel with
his fist, and the horn went off. I flinched when he called me a bastard and my
eyes started to well with tears, but they didn’t notice me. My father hadn’t
finished. “And how do you repay me? By screwing around on me constantly the whole time we’ve been married. And the one time, the one time, I go to someone
else for a little bit of happiness, you continually throw her in my face and
make me out to be the bad guy. Well, I’m not putting up with it anymore–”
He caught sight of my face in the rearview
mirror, and he stopped.
My mother twisted around to look at me
before turning back to Dad. “Happy now?” she spat.
“Jessie–” Dad began.
“Can you drop me off on the other side
of the lake,” I managed to breathe out as I controlled the urge to sob. “My
friends are there. Eve will give me a ride home.”
“Honey–”
“Drop her off,” my mother commanded. “I
can’t blame her for not wanting to be around us right now. After all, you did
call her a bastard.”
Dad started the car without another
word. We drove around the lake in silence. He pulled the car up to a stop where
all my classmates’ cars were parked.
“I might stay the night at Eve’s house
if that’s okay with you,” I said tightly.
“Of course. Honey, I’m so–” I got out
and slammed the door, so I didn’t have to listen to anything else.
The first person I saw was Eve. She ran
to me and pulled me into a suffocating hug. “I didn’t think you were coming!
Here, drink this.” A beer was pushed into my hand before she let out a squeal,
and some guy came chasing after her. She took off, and he followed suit. Her
giggling disappeared into the night further up the beach.
I drank the beer as my eyes searched for
Joseph. I couldn’t see him, and I didn’t really want to talk to anyone else, so
I sat back a bit from the fire, drinking my beer. Someone sat down beside me,
and I looked to see who it was.
The smoke from Katrin’s cigarette was
somehow more offensive that the smoke from the fire.
“Hi, Katrin,” I said, before looking
back at the fire.
“Hey.”
I shifted uncomfortably, conscious of
her eyes on me. Finally, I turned to her. “What?”
“Doesn’t it bother you?” I saw her hand
that held the cigarette shake slightly.
“What?”
She lifted her hand to her mouth and
sucked on her cigarette. She exhaled a puff of smoke that seemed to float right
over me. “That he was sleeping with me while he was going after you? The whole
time you were playing little-miss-hard-to-get, I was taking care of his hard on…”
I was glad it was dark because anger
must have made my face red. I took a breath, and amazingly my voice came out
calm. “Everyone knows that you were his go-to-girl for whenever he was horny,
Katrin. That’s news to no one.”
There seemed to be no emotion on her
face as she raised her cigarette to her mouth again to take another drag. Then
she said it, the words that I knew were waiting somewhere to be spoken out
loud. “Don’t you want to know if I’m still his go-to-girl?”
Chapter Twelve
My
face was stone. The urge to become my mother and throw a mind blowing, soul
wrenching tantrum was strong. But I didn’t.
Instead, I counted to ten.
One to ten to keep myself under control.
To not become my mother.
For the first time in my life, I think I
understood her anguish enough to comprehend where she was coming from.
Katrin watched me, her cigarette now
forgotten and burning between her fingers. Soon, without her sucking on it like
oxygen, it would die out. I felt like that
“Shut up!” Dad yelled. “I drove you to him? How exactly did I do that? By being the good, supportive husband
all these years? By standing by you with your drinking and your mental problems?
By continually making excuses for you? Even when you turned up pregnant with
some other guy’s bastard, I looked after you.” He hit the steering wheel with
his fist, and the horn went off. I flinched when he called me a bastard and my
eyes started to well with tears, but they didn’t notice me. My father hadn’t
finished. “And how do you repay me? By screwing around on me constantly the whole time we’ve been married. And the one time, the one time, I go to someone
else for a little bit of happiness, you continually throw her in my face and
make me out to be the bad guy. Well, I’m not putting up with it anymore–”
He caught sight of my face in the rearview
mirror, and he stopped.
My mother twisted around to look at me
before turning back to Dad. “Happy now?” she spat.
“Jessie–” Dad began.
“Can you drop me off on the other side
of the lake,” I managed to breathe out as I controlled the urge to sob. “My
friends are there. Eve will give me a ride home.”
“Honey–”
“Drop her off,” my mother commanded. “I
can’t blame her for not wanting to be around us right now. After all, you did
call her a bastard.”
Dad started the car without another
word. We drove around the lake in silence. He pulled the car up to a stop where
all my classmates’ cars were parked.
“I might stay the night at Eve’s house
if that’s okay with you,” I said tightly.
“Of course. Honey, I’m so–” I got out
and slammed the door, so I didn’t have to listen to anything else.
The first person I saw was Eve. She ran
to me and pulled me into a suffocating hug. “I didn’t think you were coming!
Here, drink this.” A beer was pushed into my hand before she let out a squeal,
and some guy came chasing after her. She took off, and he followed suit. Her
giggling disappeared into the night further up the beach.
I drank the beer as my eyes searched for
Joseph. I couldn’t see him, and I didn’t really want to talk to anyone else, so
I sat back a bit from the fire, drinking my beer. Someone sat down beside me,
and I looked to see who it was.
The smoke from Katrin’s cigarette was
somehow more offensive that the smoke from the fire.
“Hi, Katrin,” I said, before looking
back at the fire.
“Hey.”
I shifted uncomfortably, conscious of
her eyes on me. Finally, I turned to her. “What?”
“Doesn’t it bother you?” I saw her hand
that held the cigarette shake slightly.
“What?”
She lifted her hand to her mouth and
sucked on her cigarette. She exhaled a puff of smoke that seemed to float right
over me. “That he was sleeping with me while he was going after you? The whole
time you were playing little-miss-hard-to-get, I was taking care of his hard on…”
I was glad it was dark because anger
must have made my face red. I took a breath, and amazingly my voice came out
calm. “Everyone knows that you were his go-to-girl for whenever he was horny,
Katrin. That’s news to no one.”
There seemed to be no emotion on her
face as she raised her cigarette to her mouth again to take another drag. Then
she said it, the words that I knew were waiting somewhere to be spoken out
loud. “Don’t you want to know if I’m still his go-to-girl?”
Chapter Twelve
My
face was stone. The urge to become my mother and throw a mind blowing, soul
wrenching tantrum was strong. But I didn’t.
Instead, I counted to ten.
One to ten to keep myself under control.
To not become my mother.
For the first time in my life, I think I
understood her anguish enough to comprehend where she was coming from.
Katrin watched me, her cigarette now
forgotten and burning between her fingers. Soon, without her sucking on it like
oxygen, it would die out. I felt like that
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