Read Online Death of an Orchid Lover by Nathan Walpow - Free Book Online
Authors: Nathan Walpow
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“Well, he’s been keeping you a secret.”
Eugene fluttered his eyes. “I, uh, I didn’t want to jinx things by telling anyone I had a, uh, a …”
“A girlfriend,” Sybil said.
“Yes,” he said. “A girlfriend. Isn’t it odd? Isn’t it strange?”
I stopped him before he broke out into a chorus of “Send In the Clowns.” “It’s not so strange, Eugene. You’re a good-looking guy.” I was stretching things there, but the cause was just. “Why shouldn’t you have a girlfriend? And a beautiful one at that.”
The two of them turned various shades of red. “Oh, Joe, you’re too sweet,” Sybil said.
We made chitchat. Eugene and Sybil, mostly Sybil, told usabout their ice-skating date at the rink over on Sepulveda. But it was clear a crowd of five—Vera didn’t count; she was by this time in the kitchen clearing out my refrigerator—was more than Eugene was comfortable with. “Come on, Syb,” he said. “It’s time to go back to—to go.”
I escorted them to the door. Eugene hadn’t let go of Sybil’s hand for an instant. “You’ll be at the conservatory Tuesday afternoon to help move the euphorbias, right, Joe?” he said.
“Sure will.”
“Good. See you then.”
I shut the door behind them. When I got back to the couch, Vicki stood and gave me a hug.
“What was that for?” I said.
“For being so sweet. For telling her she was beautiful.”
“She thinks I’m sweet. You think I’m sweet. Yesterday my bug-commercial wife Diane thought I was sweet. Every woman in the world thinks I’m sweet. So why can’t I get a date?”
Austin rolled his eyes. “Not this again.”
“No,” I said. “I mean it this time. I mean, even Eugene Rand’s got a girlfriend, for Christ’s sake.”
“I’ve heard you say he was making great strides,” Vicki said.
“Yeah, but he’s only been seminormal, and thereby eligible for a girlfriend, for a month or two. Whereas I, whatever strangeness I may exhibit, have been in the running for years. Decades, even. So what gives?”
“Man,” said Austin. He was shaking his head. His ponytail swung from side to side.
“What?”
“How many times have I told you?”
“Jeez, Austin, don’t start in about Gina again.”
“I don’t know, man. You’re like oil and vinegar together.”
“Austin, honey?” Vicki said.
“Yeah, hon?”
“Oil and vinegar don’t exactly mix.”
“Yeah, but they go well over salad.” He pulled out his pocket watch. “Time to go.”
Austin shook my hand, and Vicki hugged me again, and they went home. Eventually Vera went away too, and I was left alone, picturing Gina and me lying limply on a bed of romaine.
The phone rang while I was washing up. I would have let the machine get it, but it had a something’s-wrong ring.
“She dumped me,” Gina said.
“She what?”
“She tried to make it sound like it was all about a job, but I know she’s just moving to San Francisco to get away from me.” Her voice was a little off.
“Have you been drinking?”
“A little. I downed the wine after she left.”
“A glass of wine’s not so much.”
“Not the glass. The bottle. She came over and gave me five minutes and then she sprang it on me. ‘A great opportunity,’ she called it. ‘Everything I’ve always wanted in a job.’
Bullshit.”
“She’ll change her mind.”
“She won’t change her mind. We talked for hours, for Christ’s sake. After a while we were talking about other stuff, and I realized I was already thinking of her as a former lover.” She wasn’t crying, but she was close, and that had meworried. The only time I ever saw Gina cry was at her father’s grave.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” I said.
I actually made it in eighteen, though I nearly ran over a late-night skateboarder in doing so. I buzzed and ran up the stairs. She was waiting in her doorway. I wrapped her in my arms and held her. I could smell the wine on her breath, but she was entitled, I
Eugene fluttered his eyes. “I, uh, I didn’t want to jinx things by telling anyone I had a, uh, a …”
“A girlfriend,” Sybil said.
“Yes,” he said. “A girlfriend. Isn’t it odd? Isn’t it strange?”
I stopped him before he broke out into a chorus of “Send In the Clowns.” “It’s not so strange, Eugene. You’re a good-looking guy.” I was stretching things there, but the cause was just. “Why shouldn’t you have a girlfriend? And a beautiful one at that.”
The two of them turned various shades of red. “Oh, Joe, you’re too sweet,” Sybil said.
We made chitchat. Eugene and Sybil, mostly Sybil, told usabout their ice-skating date at the rink over on Sepulveda. But it was clear a crowd of five—Vera didn’t count; she was by this time in the kitchen clearing out my refrigerator—was more than Eugene was comfortable with. “Come on, Syb,” he said. “It’s time to go back to—to go.”
I escorted them to the door. Eugene hadn’t let go of Sybil’s hand for an instant. “You’ll be at the conservatory Tuesday afternoon to help move the euphorbias, right, Joe?” he said.
“Sure will.”
“Good. See you then.”
I shut the door behind them. When I got back to the couch, Vicki stood and gave me a hug.
“What was that for?” I said.
“For being so sweet. For telling her she was beautiful.”
“She thinks I’m sweet. You think I’m sweet. Yesterday my bug-commercial wife Diane thought I was sweet. Every woman in the world thinks I’m sweet. So why can’t I get a date?”
Austin rolled his eyes. “Not this again.”
“No,” I said. “I mean it this time. I mean, even Eugene Rand’s got a girlfriend, for Christ’s sake.”
“I’ve heard you say he was making great strides,” Vicki said.
“Yeah, but he’s only been seminormal, and thereby eligible for a girlfriend, for a month or two. Whereas I, whatever strangeness I may exhibit, have been in the running for years. Decades, even. So what gives?”
“Man,” said Austin. He was shaking his head. His ponytail swung from side to side.
“What?”
“How many times have I told you?”
“Jeez, Austin, don’t start in about Gina again.”
“I don’t know, man. You’re like oil and vinegar together.”
“Austin, honey?” Vicki said.
“Yeah, hon?”
“Oil and vinegar don’t exactly mix.”
“Yeah, but they go well over salad.” He pulled out his pocket watch. “Time to go.”
Austin shook my hand, and Vicki hugged me again, and they went home. Eventually Vera went away too, and I was left alone, picturing Gina and me lying limply on a bed of romaine.
The phone rang while I was washing up. I would have let the machine get it, but it had a something’s-wrong ring.
“She dumped me,” Gina said.
“She what?”
“She tried to make it sound like it was all about a job, but I know she’s just moving to San Francisco to get away from me.” Her voice was a little off.
“Have you been drinking?”
“A little. I downed the wine after she left.”
“A glass of wine’s not so much.”
“Not the glass. The bottle. She came over and gave me five minutes and then she sprang it on me. ‘A great opportunity,’ she called it. ‘Everything I’ve always wanted in a job.’
Bullshit.”
“She’ll change her mind.”
“She won’t change her mind. We talked for hours, for Christ’s sake. After a while we were talking about other stuff, and I realized I was already thinking of her as a former lover.” She wasn’t crying, but she was close, and that had meworried. The only time I ever saw Gina cry was at her father’s grave.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” I said.
I actually made it in eighteen, though I nearly ran over a late-night skateboarder in doing so. I buzzed and ran up the stairs. She was waiting in her doorway. I wrapped her in my arms and held her. I could smell the wine on her breath, but she was entitled, I
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