night. Even knowing now that he could never love her, even having always known, she would do anything for Ben.
She met his eyes for a moment, and then had to look away, at the sugar bowl. All that sweetness jumbled together.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll do it.’
7
A Known Quantity
‘ROMILY SAID
WHAT
?’
‘Romily has offered to have the baby for us,’ Ben repeated. ‘She’s offered to be a surrogate.’
Claire turned off the programme they’d both been watching. Or pretending to watch; Ben had been jumpy all evening, all through dinner, as if he had something he really wanted to say. Claire had never imagined it would be this.
‘She says she’s happy to use her eggs,’ he continued, ‘and we can use my sperm for artificial insemination. She knows she can conceive and carry a baby to term, because of Posie. She doesn’t want any more children. I’d be listed on the birth certificate as the father so I’d have legal rights anyway, and we could formalize adoption to give you rights within weeks of the baby’s being born. We have one or two things to be cautious of, but there should be no real issue with a private adoption with all parties consenting. I’ve been researching the legal ins and outs.’
‘When did Romily say this?’
‘On Saturday, in the pub.’
Claire crossed her arms. ‘You were deciding our reproductive future in the
pub
?’
‘Not deciding, no. Just talking about it. But isn’t it an amazing idea, Claire? Don’t you think we should consider it? It would be my baby, genetically. And yours by adoption. You wouldn’t have to go through a single moment of treatment. And we’d have a child. A child all our own, from the moment it’s born. It could come straight home with us from hospital. What do you think?’
‘I think you’ve made up your mind about all of this without thinking of me at all.’
‘I
am
thinking about you. It’s a way that we can have a family without you having any more treatment.’
‘Because Romily would be having my baby.’ She shook her head. ‘No way.’
‘Don’t you think we should even consider it? Maybe not now, but in a little while, after we’ve had some time to get over the miscarriage?’
As if she could forget all about the life that, so briefly, had lain inside her. The thought seemed so empty and cruel.
‘For one thing, it’s none of Romily’s business. For another thing, I can’t believe that you discussed it with her. And for a third, how could she have a child and give it up?’
‘She wouldn’t be giving it up,’ Ben said. ‘It would never be hers in the first place. Genetically, yes, and legally until the adoption papers go through. But in all the ways that matter, the baby would be ours. She doesn’t want any more children. She’s giving us a chance to have our baby, Claire.’
‘You mean, I couldn’t make children for you so now you want to use another woman.’
‘That’s not it at all.’ Ben reached for her, but Claire stood up.
‘That’s it exactly. You went behind my back and came up with this crazy idea, just when you knew I was finally getting some peace.’ Something occurred to her. ‘Is this why you were so happy yesterday morning? Because you’d come up with this?’
‘I didn’t want to say anything to you about it until I was sure that Romily really meant it. I didn’t want to get your hopes up.’
‘My
hopes up
?’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘I’d decided the hoping was finished, Ben. You haven’t heard
anything
I’ve said.’
She turned to leave the room. Behind her, she heard Ben say, ‘We could still have the swing on the pear tree.’
Claire perched on a chrome stool in her sister Helen’s newly redecorated kitchen. The sleek breakfast bar was covered with a wipe-clean tablecloth.
‘The thing is,’ said Helen, ‘it’s not such a bad idea, in the abstract. Josh, give that back to your sister.’
‘I had it first!’
‘I don’t care. You’re older than her,
She met his eyes for a moment, and then had to look away, at the sugar bowl. All that sweetness jumbled together.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll do it.’
7
A Known Quantity
‘ROMILY SAID
WHAT
?’
‘Romily has offered to have the baby for us,’ Ben repeated. ‘She’s offered to be a surrogate.’
Claire turned off the programme they’d both been watching. Or pretending to watch; Ben had been jumpy all evening, all through dinner, as if he had something he really wanted to say. Claire had never imagined it would be this.
‘She says she’s happy to use her eggs,’ he continued, ‘and we can use my sperm for artificial insemination. She knows she can conceive and carry a baby to term, because of Posie. She doesn’t want any more children. I’d be listed on the birth certificate as the father so I’d have legal rights anyway, and we could formalize adoption to give you rights within weeks of the baby’s being born. We have one or two things to be cautious of, but there should be no real issue with a private adoption with all parties consenting. I’ve been researching the legal ins and outs.’
‘When did Romily say this?’
‘On Saturday, in the pub.’
Claire crossed her arms. ‘You were deciding our reproductive future in the
pub
?’
‘Not deciding, no. Just talking about it. But isn’t it an amazing idea, Claire? Don’t you think we should consider it? It would be my baby, genetically. And yours by adoption. You wouldn’t have to go through a single moment of treatment. And we’d have a child. A child all our own, from the moment it’s born. It could come straight home with us from hospital. What do you think?’
‘I think you’ve made up your mind about all of this without thinking of me at all.’
‘I
am
thinking about you. It’s a way that we can have a family without you having any more treatment.’
‘Because Romily would be having my baby.’ She shook her head. ‘No way.’
‘Don’t you think we should even consider it? Maybe not now, but in a little while, after we’ve had some time to get over the miscarriage?’
As if she could forget all about the life that, so briefly, had lain inside her. The thought seemed so empty and cruel.
‘For one thing, it’s none of Romily’s business. For another thing, I can’t believe that you discussed it with her. And for a third, how could she have a child and give it up?’
‘She wouldn’t be giving it up,’ Ben said. ‘It would never be hers in the first place. Genetically, yes, and legally until the adoption papers go through. But in all the ways that matter, the baby would be ours. She doesn’t want any more children. She’s giving us a chance to have our baby, Claire.’
‘You mean, I couldn’t make children for you so now you want to use another woman.’
‘That’s not it at all.’ Ben reached for her, but Claire stood up.
‘That’s it exactly. You went behind my back and came up with this crazy idea, just when you knew I was finally getting some peace.’ Something occurred to her. ‘Is this why you were so happy yesterday morning? Because you’d come up with this?’
‘I didn’t want to say anything to you about it until I was sure that Romily really meant it. I didn’t want to get your hopes up.’
‘My
hopes up
?’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘I’d decided the hoping was finished, Ben. You haven’t heard
anything
I’ve said.’
She turned to leave the room. Behind her, she heard Ben say, ‘We could still have the swing on the pear tree.’
Claire perched on a chrome stool in her sister Helen’s newly redecorated kitchen. The sleek breakfast bar was covered with a wipe-clean tablecloth.
‘The thing is,’ said Helen, ‘it’s not such a bad idea, in the abstract. Josh, give that back to your sister.’
‘I had it first!’
‘I don’t care. You’re older than her,
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