“Senior year. My dad was trying to sign me up for University, but I wasn’t all that interested. I’m not smart like him or Abby. I’m not really good at anything.” There’s a weariness to her that seems out of place for someone so young.
“ Nothing?”
A thin smile forces its way up. “Yeah, maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m good at being nothing.”
“ And what exactly is involved in being nothing?”
This time the smile isn ’t forced. “Not much. Parties, mostly. Lots of parties. And boys. You can’t have parties without boys. Oh, and food. So much food.”
A strand of wet hair falls in her face and she pulls it back behind her ear. “I’m sorry. I know that sounds shallow. If you want a deeper conversation, you’ll have to talk to Abby. She’s the serious one. She wants a better world.”
“ And what do you want?”
As suddenly as it appeared, the smile evaporates and her face crumbles. “I just want my old life back. I want to go back to the Garden District and school and my friends and my parties. I want clean clothes and my own bed and all the food I can eat. My dad’s dead and Abby’s in prison and that’s all I want. Isn’t that horrible?”
“ No, but I think you know that life is gone for good.”
She wipes her eyes. “I know. He really is dead, isn’t he? My dad, I mean.”
Yes, he ’s dead. He’s as dead as any man who ever died, maybe more so. If he was removed in a purge, then not only will there never be a body, but when they finish wiping the records, he won’t ever have been born. Then again, neither will you or your sister.
But all I say is, “Yes.”
She nods. I haven ’t told her anything she didn’t already know, yet somehow hearing it from me causes something to change in her. Her eyes dry up and her expression becomes stern.
“ I’m going to take you to my nest in the one seventeen. It has a bathroom and a shower. There’s enough food for four or five days.”
“ You’re going after Abby then?”
“ Yes, tonight.”
“ What if you’re not back in four or five days?”
“ Don’t wait that long. If I’m not back in two days then I’ll be dead. Abby too. Take the food and anything else you need and try to find this Faisal. He helped your sister once; he may be able to help you.”
“ What about Devon?” she asks.
“ Stay away from Devon. Nothing he does comes without a price and trust me, the cost is more than you can pay.”
She drops her head, her gaze unfocused. “I’ve never been much use on my own.”
“ Don’t sell yourself short. You’d be surprised what you can do when you have to. You’ll be all right.” But I don’t believe a word of it. If her sister doesn’t make it back, this kid won’t last a month.
Her focus returns and she looks me straight in the eye. “Could you do me a favor? When you leave me at your nest, could you leave me your gun?”
For a moment I just stare at her , uncomprehending. Then something unspoken passes between us and I nod.
We take the long way to the nest, keeping off the main streets. I don’t know if the authorities are circulating her picture, but I don’t want to take a chance on someone recognizing her. It’s past noon when I help her down the trench behind the laundry, though the shadows from the buildings make it seem later. The shops will be closing soon. I change into some old clothes as Pen sits nervously at the table and tries to make small talk.
“ Why do you wear it?” she asks, pointing to the coat draped over the chair. “It looks like a Counselor’s coat.”
To remind myself , I want to say. But of course I can’t say anything like that. I shrug. “It keeps people away.”
“ You don’t like people much, do you?”
“ I like a few.”
S he runs her finger absently through the dust on the table. “Have you been a shade for long?”
No reason to go into detail. “For a while.”
“ How do you stand it? Always running and hiding; always being
“ Nothing?”
A thin smile forces its way up. “Yeah, maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m good at being nothing.”
“ And what exactly is involved in being nothing?”
This time the smile isn ’t forced. “Not much. Parties, mostly. Lots of parties. And boys. You can’t have parties without boys. Oh, and food. So much food.”
A strand of wet hair falls in her face and she pulls it back behind her ear. “I’m sorry. I know that sounds shallow. If you want a deeper conversation, you’ll have to talk to Abby. She’s the serious one. She wants a better world.”
“ And what do you want?”
As suddenly as it appeared, the smile evaporates and her face crumbles. “I just want my old life back. I want to go back to the Garden District and school and my friends and my parties. I want clean clothes and my own bed and all the food I can eat. My dad’s dead and Abby’s in prison and that’s all I want. Isn’t that horrible?”
“ No, but I think you know that life is gone for good.”
She wipes her eyes. “I know. He really is dead, isn’t he? My dad, I mean.”
Yes, he ’s dead. He’s as dead as any man who ever died, maybe more so. If he was removed in a purge, then not only will there never be a body, but when they finish wiping the records, he won’t ever have been born. Then again, neither will you or your sister.
But all I say is, “Yes.”
She nods. I haven ’t told her anything she didn’t already know, yet somehow hearing it from me causes something to change in her. Her eyes dry up and her expression becomes stern.
“ I’m going to take you to my nest in the one seventeen. It has a bathroom and a shower. There’s enough food for four or five days.”
“ You’re going after Abby then?”
“ Yes, tonight.”
“ What if you’re not back in four or five days?”
“ Don’t wait that long. If I’m not back in two days then I’ll be dead. Abby too. Take the food and anything else you need and try to find this Faisal. He helped your sister once; he may be able to help you.”
“ What about Devon?” she asks.
“ Stay away from Devon. Nothing he does comes without a price and trust me, the cost is more than you can pay.”
She drops her head, her gaze unfocused. “I’ve never been much use on my own.”
“ Don’t sell yourself short. You’d be surprised what you can do when you have to. You’ll be all right.” But I don’t believe a word of it. If her sister doesn’t make it back, this kid won’t last a month.
Her focus returns and she looks me straight in the eye. “Could you do me a favor? When you leave me at your nest, could you leave me your gun?”
For a moment I just stare at her , uncomprehending. Then something unspoken passes between us and I nod.
We take the long way to the nest, keeping off the main streets. I don’t know if the authorities are circulating her picture, but I don’t want to take a chance on someone recognizing her. It’s past noon when I help her down the trench behind the laundry, though the shadows from the buildings make it seem later. The shops will be closing soon. I change into some old clothes as Pen sits nervously at the table and tries to make small talk.
“ Why do you wear it?” she asks, pointing to the coat draped over the chair. “It looks like a Counselor’s coat.”
To remind myself , I want to say. But of course I can’t say anything like that. I shrug. “It keeps people away.”
“ You don’t like people much, do you?”
“ I like a few.”
S he runs her finger absently through the dust on the table. “Have you been a shade for long?”
No reason to go into detail. “For a while.”
“ How do you stand it? Always running and hiding; always being
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