Read Online The Bird Room by Chris Killen - Free Book Online

afterwards?’
    â€˜No. He did. He asked me if I wanted to see it and I said no. So he gave it to his mate and it got used, apparently.’
    How about her? Did she get used? Did she get paid?
    (Where is my hand going?)
    More than anything, I want to ask what the site’s called. Is the film still there? Is someone watching it as we speak?
    â€˜Why did you do it?’
    My heart is hammering. I can see stills, freeze-frames, flashes of her in graphic sexual positions. I can see her body splintered into a lurid sequence of thumbnail photographs. The images burn. They do not go away. I’m disgusted and aroused.
    (My hand’s between her legs.)
    She doesn’t answer. Instead, she kisses me and I taste the acid on her tongue. We don’t mention it again.
    She chooses the time and place for these admissions, not me.
    She chooses how much or how little she tells me.
    This is not her first whispered, two-in-the-morning confession.
    In the morning I lie in bed and listen to the sound of her getting ready for work. Just before she leaves, she comes back into the room, leans over the bed and kisses me on the forehead.
    â€˜I think you’re prime rib,’ she whispers in my ear.
    Then she’s gone.
    I get out of bed and put on my dressing gown. I go into the second bedroom, the empty one. I redraw the curtains and sit down at the computer and log onto the internet.
    The clip is out there, somewhere.
    A thousand grubby old men are clicking on it right now.
    It’s just a process of elimination.
    I will find that clip if it kills me.
    I will not give up.
    It will be my new job.
    I will find the clip.
    I want to watch it. I want to see Alice’s face. I want to see if she looks different with someone else, if she enjoys it more. I want to see her without her seeing me. Then I’ll destroy it; somehow I’ll remove her from the internet. She should just be with me now, not me and anyone else who accidentally clicks on her.
    So I begin to Google my way through hundreds of amateur porn sites.
    Babes movies – real amateur babes!
    young british amateur first timer girls – webcams – videos – this is the real deal! These girls are young and …
    www.britamateursexmovie.com – 33k – Cached – Similar pages – Note this
    Hot British Fuck Movies
    Free Preview Pictures and Movies of British couples in amateur sex situations. Couple on bench – Couple in the woods – Couple …
    www.uksexsituations.com/preview.html – 18k – Cached – Similar pages – Note this
    Hardcore Amateur SEX!
    I filmed my ex! 100% real amateur footage, submitted by bitter ex-boyfriends! These girls are horny and wild! No credit card needed …
    www.ex-sex-frenzy.com/Alice.html – 44k – Cached – Similar pages – Note this
    Red Hot Action With British Amateur Babes
    These young beauties will do anything … Helen, 16 pics, 5 vids (mpg) –
    Chloe, 22pics, 2 vids (mpg) – Alice, 0 pics, 1 vid …
    www.babes-amateurs-xxx.com – 21k – Cached – Similar pages – Note this
    I go through page after page, finding nothing, as a thousand other men around the world stumble unwittingly across her image. They hover their cursors over her thumbnail and double-click. They download her. Sat in dark musty rooms, they squirm in their seats as she pants and pouts for the camera.
    Alice stares out of the screen; not at them, not at anything. Her eyes are wide and black and blank.
    She throws back her head and yelps with pleasure.

I meet her after work at this vodka bar just off Market Square. Walking into town, I feel as delicate and raw as new skin after a plaster is removed. I can still see images from websites, hundreds of girls staring out blindly from my computer screen.
    My head is filled to bursting with other people’s amateur ex-girlfriends.
    She’s slouched on a sofa next to another girl. They spot me and Alice gives a