Read Online Dear Miffy by John Marsden - Free Book Online

when I read it. I mean, geez, I’ve always thought I was the big dummy, and when teachers went on about how ‘if you only settled down and did some serious work’ I thought it was the same bullshit line they give every student.
    Not that it made any difference, but fuck it, I’d rather be brainy than dumb.
    Your file was really thin but there was one thing I hadn’t known, that stuff about you hacking up your wrist last year. I was really shocked, Miff. Most of all I was shocked that you hadn’t told me. I guess you giving me the file to read was your way of telling me. I know you were watching me when I did read it. I admit I blinked a few times. I’d always thought you were strong; maybe that was the first time I realised you weren’t strong inside; it was all a bluff, an act.
    Like I say, it was a shock. I looked at you differently after that.
    Next time we made love I picked up your wrist and checked it out. Do you remember? I bet you do. That faint white line, I’d never noticed it before. It scared the shit out of me, that white line. I kissed it so you wouldn’t see my lips trembling. I heard the loud ugly music that night for sure, Miff. I felt the dark angel right there above us.
    He never went away though, did he, Miff? He was always there hovering over our heads. As long as we were together he was going to be there. He was just waiting for us cos he knew he was going to get us in the end, that bastard.
    See you,
    Tony
    Dear Miff,
    This is the first time I’ve written to you in the morning, Miff. It’s about six o’clock and already there’s a bit of movement at this station. Sure is a happening place. I couldn’t sleep again last night, can’t sleep now, won’t sleep tonight, won’t ever sleep again.
    You know something, Miff, there was this family in Italy I think they were, and the whole family had insomnia, like none of them could sleep, and they passed it on from generation to generation, and Miff, you won’t believe this, some of them died from it. Can you imagine that? Dying from not sleeping? Mate, that would be the worst thing. But all I can think of as I lie here awake is that family, and how you can die from that. Geez, it drives me crazy. I just get this feeling that I’m going to die as I’m bloody lying on this hard old bed. Weird, hey? Better not tell them here or you know where they’ll send me.
    I think what made me want to write to you is just that I’m missing you so much. It’s bad this morning. Tell you the truth, Miff, I’m randy as hell, and writing this isn’t helping any. God, I’d love to lie against you now and feel your warm naked skin, feel your firm-soft tits, put myself into you, feel your wetness, the most exciting feeling in the world, that wetness, Miff. Christ, how I loved that wetness. There’ll never be a feeling to equal that in my life.
    A lot of things about sex with you were good, Miff, but you know what I liked most? Don’t laugh, but it was lying together afterwards stroking each other’s back. Just that, that’s all. God, I could have stayed there all day every day doing nothing else. I’d give anything to do that now, anything except my balls. Ha ha. (Joke.)
    I’d had a bit of sex before I met you, Miff. Well, face it, we both had, but with the others it was just a quick poke. You were the first one I really, you know, took the trouble with; wanted to—I feel dumb saying this—wanted to, you know, please. Yeah, that was the difference. Is that what people mean when they talk about love? Fucked if I know.
    My first time, you kept asking, trying to find out, but I wouldn’t tell you. First time was when I was a little tacker, with a girl in Year 8. She was a bit of a goer, Stacey, you never met her, she lives in bloody New Zealand now, and she dragged me off to her bed one night at her birthday party when everyone else was watching a