sprinkled his body and smelled like spring. Her skin was soft and warm against his.
“Can I ask you something?”
He nodded. “I can deny you nothing at the moment.”
“What was she like?”
“I don’t really think…”
“I’m sorry.” She turned and stood. “I shouldn’t have pried. I—”
“Lie down,” he said and pulled her back onto the sleeping bag. “What I mean is—do you really want to hear about it? It won’t bother you?”
“That’s why I asked.”
“It’s just that…it didn’t end like a normal relationship, ya know? We didn’t yell and cuss at each other. She didn’t run off with some other guy and I didn’t cheat on her. I never went through a phase where I hated her, or realized how bad we were for each other. She died .”
Eileen took his hand. “I want to know everything about you and that means knowing about her. If you’re okay with talking about her, I want to know.”
He sighed and rolled onto his back. His eyes traced the cracks in his ceiling and he debated whether he should give her the whole truth or the edited version. He settled on the edited version. “She was…well, energetic. From doing gymnastics all her life, I guess. She would never get tired. I was an All-State wrestler and she would make me feel like I was out of shape half the time. She was always up on current events—politics, genocide in Africa, all of that. And she genuinely cared, too. Not like most people who just fake a cause to be cool or whatever. She loved her family, loved her brother, and helped out in the community with things. Ya know, bake sales and all that.”
He took a deep breath and continued. “She had this short, rock star kind of haircut. Like an updated Pat Benatar or something. I know, sounds lame, but it looked great on her. Her hair was dark, too. Like the sky right before it rains. And she had these gorgeous blue eyes. I’ve never seen that color blue again.
“She used to laugh a lot, said it was what made life worth living. She…she had this pet turtle, named it Darwin. Her parents hated that. She used to come to all of my matches, and she would make these signs…” He laughed. “They were fucking retarded, really. All covered in glitter with my name written in big block letters, and she would hold them up high during my matches and scream like a banshee while I wrestled. My friends loved that.
“Then, she had a bad few months. Grades slipped, she quit gymnastics, started missing school. She was still there for me, but…” He couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth and so skipped ahead in the story. “Her parents came down real hard on her. School nurse said she needed to be on anti-depressants, but her Dad was against her going to a psychiatrist. Then I get a call one day, from her mom. She’s crying and…she starts cussing me and…They had found her. Earlier. In the bathtub.”
Eileen sniffed. He kept his gaze on the ceiling. Inside he was a waterfall of tears, but he didn’t let himself cry about Allison anymore. Not in front of other people, at least.
“We buried her that weekend, and then everyone’s life went to shit.”
She kissed his cheek. When she pulled away he was left with a hot wetness high on his jaw. It wasn’t a surprise; he had learned long ago to never underestimate a woman’s capacity for empathy. That was something else that Allison had taught him.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s okay. I’ve had a couple of years to deal with it.”
“I mean I’m sorry I made you tell it.”
He rolled over to face her. She had wiped her face dry, but her eyes were still puffy and red. “You didn’t make me do anything. You asked and I obliged.” He kissed her. “How does it make you feel?”
“Awful,” she said, and gave a nervous laugh. “But I needed to know.”
“Still want to be serious with me?”
“You bet.” She pressed her lips against his.
“Hope you don’t regret that.”
She giggled. “I can’t
“Can I ask you something?”
He nodded. “I can deny you nothing at the moment.”
“What was she like?”
“I don’t really think…”
“I’m sorry.” She turned and stood. “I shouldn’t have pried. I—”
“Lie down,” he said and pulled her back onto the sleeping bag. “What I mean is—do you really want to hear about it? It won’t bother you?”
“That’s why I asked.”
“It’s just that…it didn’t end like a normal relationship, ya know? We didn’t yell and cuss at each other. She didn’t run off with some other guy and I didn’t cheat on her. I never went through a phase where I hated her, or realized how bad we were for each other. She died .”
Eileen took his hand. “I want to know everything about you and that means knowing about her. If you’re okay with talking about her, I want to know.”
He sighed and rolled onto his back. His eyes traced the cracks in his ceiling and he debated whether he should give her the whole truth or the edited version. He settled on the edited version. “She was…well, energetic. From doing gymnastics all her life, I guess. She would never get tired. I was an All-State wrestler and she would make me feel like I was out of shape half the time. She was always up on current events—politics, genocide in Africa, all of that. And she genuinely cared, too. Not like most people who just fake a cause to be cool or whatever. She loved her family, loved her brother, and helped out in the community with things. Ya know, bake sales and all that.”
He took a deep breath and continued. “She had this short, rock star kind of haircut. Like an updated Pat Benatar or something. I know, sounds lame, but it looked great on her. Her hair was dark, too. Like the sky right before it rains. And she had these gorgeous blue eyes. I’ve never seen that color blue again.
“She used to laugh a lot, said it was what made life worth living. She…she had this pet turtle, named it Darwin. Her parents hated that. She used to come to all of my matches, and she would make these signs…” He laughed. “They were fucking retarded, really. All covered in glitter with my name written in big block letters, and she would hold them up high during my matches and scream like a banshee while I wrestled. My friends loved that.
“Then, she had a bad few months. Grades slipped, she quit gymnastics, started missing school. She was still there for me, but…” He couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth and so skipped ahead in the story. “Her parents came down real hard on her. School nurse said she needed to be on anti-depressants, but her Dad was against her going to a psychiatrist. Then I get a call one day, from her mom. She’s crying and…she starts cussing me and…They had found her. Earlier. In the bathtub.”
Eileen sniffed. He kept his gaze on the ceiling. Inside he was a waterfall of tears, but he didn’t let himself cry about Allison anymore. Not in front of other people, at least.
“We buried her that weekend, and then everyone’s life went to shit.”
She kissed his cheek. When she pulled away he was left with a hot wetness high on his jaw. It wasn’t a surprise; he had learned long ago to never underestimate a woman’s capacity for empathy. That was something else that Allison had taught him.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s okay. I’ve had a couple of years to deal with it.”
“I mean I’m sorry I made you tell it.”
He rolled over to face her. She had wiped her face dry, but her eyes were still puffy and red. “You didn’t make me do anything. You asked and I obliged.” He kissed her. “How does it make you feel?”
“Awful,” she said, and gave a nervous laugh. “But I needed to know.”
“Still want to be serious with me?”
“You bet.” She pressed her lips against his.
“Hope you don’t regret that.”
She giggled. “I can’t
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