Read Online Dare to Breathe by M. Homer - Free Book Online

painted roof.
    “Oh, shit!” he says, running his hands through his hair. “Sorry, I didn’t think…I didn’t realize.”
    I can’t help reaching out to touch him. “Nathan, this is your house too,” I say gently. Quickly withdrawing my hand I add, “You don’t owe me anything. Even this …” I wave my hands between us. “…is not your responsibility.”
    “I told you I would be there for you and I want to be here,” is all he says.
    He sits up and looks down at me. “One day we are going to talk about what is going on in your head and we are going to fix it.”
    I look up at him wishing I could crawl into his lap and kiss him. I have never felt like this before and it scares me a little, so I shift away from him and look down at my hands. “I know, but this is my problem to fix, not yours,” is all I can say.
    Nathan rubs his hands in his hair with frustration and I love the way it sticks up in all directions when he finally pulls his hands down. “To answer your earlier question, I sent her home. She doesn’t mean anything to me. She is just someone…” I see him start to squirm and get embarrassed. His mention of the girl upstairs reminds me he isn’t mine. I need to get my feelings under control.
    I think about how to handle this and not make it worse than it already is. “You really are a man-whore,” I say with a grin, nudging his shoulder.
    He gives me a big lazy smile, saying nothing more. His eyes which are the most beautiful shade of brown, like melted chocolate, warm me to my toes and I know that whatever happens, right now, it’s all good. “Yeah, well you are a nut case! That must be the reason we’re good friends,” he says.
    I smile back but can’t help the bitter pill of disappointment at the word ‘friend’ because right now, that’s the last thing I want!

Chapter Fourteen
    The weather starts to turn even colder and we all feel winter approaching fast. By now I have become the “Coffee Queen” and I know that at least in this one area, I can give something back to my housemates. They often come into the café to grab coffees from me; and Sally, being Sally, stops charging them. She knows these people are important to me. Her actions once again, chip at my wall of defenses I have spent so many years building and I have a vague sense of uneasiness about my new vulnerability. How have these people wormed their way into my life so quickly, when for the last twelve years I have kept everyone at arm’s length?
    Nathan continues to come into my room, many more nights, to calm me down and often ends up sleeping next to me; but he never crowds me, or touches me unnecessarily and he never says any more about it. I know I am developing an unhealthy attachment to him, but I can’t seem to find the strength to push him away. I need his help too much and this scares me even more than the nightmares. I wrap my coat around me tighter as I start walking home, lost in my own thoughts.
    “Hey Sam,” I hear a voice shouting out as I walk across the campus. I look up and see Jess. I haven’t seen her since that night and I wonder how she’s been since then.
    She comes up and we give each other a big hug.
    “How are you?” I ask her warmly. Despite our somewhat murky friendship, I really like Jess.
    “I’m good.” She nods. “How the hell have you been?”
    “Great!” I reply and for once, I actually mean it. “Want to go and grab a coffee?”
    She nods eagerly and off we go towards Sally’s, my other home from home.
    When we get there, I walk up to Sally, give her a kiss on the cheek and ask if I can make a coffee for myself and Jess. Sally says, “Of course,” and even grabs a piece of carrot cake for us to share. I go sit next to my friend.
    “So, have the nightmares stopped?” Jess finally asks when we’ve finished the cake. I put my cup down.
    “Um, not really but they are less than before,” is all I say.
    “Well, that’s at least something but what is it? What