Read Online Curing the Uncommon Man-Cold by J.L. Salter - Free Book Online
Authors: J.L. Salter
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serenade?”
Jason nodded. “White noise. The more, the better. Without this buffer, I’d be stark raving mad after eighteen hours of yodeling each day.” He exaggerated; Mrs. Yodel didn’t practice more than about seven hours daily.
“I doubt there’s any yodeling near your apartment. This might be a good time to make the switch, since you’ve got your strength back after exercising on those remote buttons for three days.”
Jason shook his head. “Nah. I’d be all alone over there.”
“You’re alone here , you know, for most of the day.”
“But I’m still—” cough, cough “—sick, you know.”
“Yes, of course. It’s written all over you.” Amanda crossed her legs and noticed his fascination. She wondered if his desire could somehow be used to get him to leave. Maybe with implied promise of intimacy at his place… later, when he cleaned up. No! Amanda abruptly dropped the desire angle — too risky. It might get her in bed with him here… now. Horrors! She shifted. “I don’t think you’ve been getting much rest here. You look kind of haggard.”
Jason probably wished he had a mirror so he could see what “haggard” looked like, in case he needed to employ such an expression later.
“We got sidetracked. I doubt Missus Yodel has her cable working. I’ll bet that was a radio you heard.”
“Radio? Do they have game shows on radio?”
“Sure. Satellite radio. They’ve got everything. I’ll bet they’ve even got porn on the radio now.”
“Porn on radio? How… what… ? Hmm. Wonder what station?”
Amanda shrugged. “Or maybe not. I don’t know. Who has time to listen to radio porn?”
Possibly Jason could work it into his schedule.
“So you still believe you can get a TV station, without an antenna, even though the system is down for their analog thingy? How do you figure?”
“Yeah. Those cable guys don’t know everything. When I was a kid, I could get the Playboy Channel by pressing two particular buttons halfway down, at exactly the same time.” He obviously meant the old remotes with wires and about forty numbered buttons. “Pretty fuzzy, but I got it!”
“I can see why you’d keep trying.”
Either he ignored the dig or didn’t catch it. “So are you off for today? Come home to make some real lunch? Want to zip down to the rib place and bring home a rack?”
“Slow down, Mister Sicko. You can’t eat anything but that healthy stuff on Christine’s NASA diet.”
“I don’t think astronauts eat that junk. They eat tubes of goo. Not undersea lab people, either. In fact, I don’t think there are any undersea labs. Christine made up all that stuff just so she could punish me.”
“Punish you for what?”
“Not sure she needs a reason… she might just like inflicting misery. Besides, she’s a witch.”
“She’s not a witch. Christine is my best friend and she’s helping both of us. Helping you recover from debilitating illness and helping me survive your recovery.”
“I told you yesterday I thought she’d put a spell on me.” Jason moaned. “Well, witch or not, I think Christine wants to kill me.”
Amanda laughed. “Why would she want to?”
“I was hoping you could tell me. But she does. Witches don’t need motives to kill anybody. Sometimes it’s just for practice.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“No, I mean it.” He nodded several times. “Just observe her closely — Christine is a practicing, broom-riding witch. And she enjoys tormenting sick people.” He looked at her earnestly. “I’ve been explaining this since the second day I’ve been here. Don’t you remember?”
“I don’t recall hearing any details of your theories. But Christine’s not a witch. Your imagination is more vivid because of your illness.”
“She was here, you know — today, about noon. I thought she’d brought me something to eat, but she just came to put a hex on me.”
“Christine was here? While I was gone?”
“Yeah. She said you
Jason nodded. “White noise. The more, the better. Without this buffer, I’d be stark raving mad after eighteen hours of yodeling each day.” He exaggerated; Mrs. Yodel didn’t practice more than about seven hours daily.
“I doubt there’s any yodeling near your apartment. This might be a good time to make the switch, since you’ve got your strength back after exercising on those remote buttons for three days.”
Jason shook his head. “Nah. I’d be all alone over there.”
“You’re alone here , you know, for most of the day.”
“But I’m still—” cough, cough “—sick, you know.”
“Yes, of course. It’s written all over you.” Amanda crossed her legs and noticed his fascination. She wondered if his desire could somehow be used to get him to leave. Maybe with implied promise of intimacy at his place… later, when he cleaned up. No! Amanda abruptly dropped the desire angle — too risky. It might get her in bed with him here… now. Horrors! She shifted. “I don’t think you’ve been getting much rest here. You look kind of haggard.”
Jason probably wished he had a mirror so he could see what “haggard” looked like, in case he needed to employ such an expression later.
“We got sidetracked. I doubt Missus Yodel has her cable working. I’ll bet that was a radio you heard.”
“Radio? Do they have game shows on radio?”
“Sure. Satellite radio. They’ve got everything. I’ll bet they’ve even got porn on the radio now.”
“Porn on radio? How… what… ? Hmm. Wonder what station?”
Amanda shrugged. “Or maybe not. I don’t know. Who has time to listen to radio porn?”
Possibly Jason could work it into his schedule.
“So you still believe you can get a TV station, without an antenna, even though the system is down for their analog thingy? How do you figure?”
“Yeah. Those cable guys don’t know everything. When I was a kid, I could get the Playboy Channel by pressing two particular buttons halfway down, at exactly the same time.” He obviously meant the old remotes with wires and about forty numbered buttons. “Pretty fuzzy, but I got it!”
“I can see why you’d keep trying.”
Either he ignored the dig or didn’t catch it. “So are you off for today? Come home to make some real lunch? Want to zip down to the rib place and bring home a rack?”
“Slow down, Mister Sicko. You can’t eat anything but that healthy stuff on Christine’s NASA diet.”
“I don’t think astronauts eat that junk. They eat tubes of goo. Not undersea lab people, either. In fact, I don’t think there are any undersea labs. Christine made up all that stuff just so she could punish me.”
“Punish you for what?”
“Not sure she needs a reason… she might just like inflicting misery. Besides, she’s a witch.”
“She’s not a witch. Christine is my best friend and she’s helping both of us. Helping you recover from debilitating illness and helping me survive your recovery.”
“I told you yesterday I thought she’d put a spell on me.” Jason moaned. “Well, witch or not, I think Christine wants to kill me.”
Amanda laughed. “Why would she want to?”
“I was hoping you could tell me. But she does. Witches don’t need motives to kill anybody. Sometimes it’s just for practice.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“No, I mean it.” He nodded several times. “Just observe her closely — Christine is a practicing, broom-riding witch. And she enjoys tormenting sick people.” He looked at her earnestly. “I’ve been explaining this since the second day I’ve been here. Don’t you remember?”
“I don’t recall hearing any details of your theories. But Christine’s not a witch. Your imagination is more vivid because of your illness.”
“She was here, you know — today, about noon. I thought she’d brought me something to eat, but she just came to put a hex on me.”
“Christine was here? While I was gone?”
“Yeah. She said you
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