Read Online Curing the Uncommon Man-Cold by J.L. Salter - Free Book Online Page A

knew all about it. She called it poultice therapy.” He lifted up the front of his stained tee-shirt.
    Amanda peered closely. “Yikes. When I told you to shave, I meant your face! What happened?”
    “She maimed me!”
    “Christine shaved you?”
    “Not a shave. That witch ripped away my chest skin and nearly plucked my nipple clean off!”
    “Wonder why she picked that spot?” Amanda touched the area gently. It was still red and inflamed.
    “I think she needed some of my chest hair for her witch’s brew. Or to cast a spell. Probably trading my soul to the devil right now.”
    “Oh, I doubt that. Wouldn’t get much in trade… you being sick and all.”
    “True—” cough, cough “—the devil mainly wants healthy bodies.”
    Amanda sniffed several times. “What’s that on your breath? Smells much better than your regular halitosis.”
    “Toothpaste. It’s the only thing around here I can stand the taste of.”
    “You’re eating toothpaste?” She shook her head as though it would loosen some logic onto the situation. “That’s not food! It’s just abrasive cleaner stuff.”
    “Well, I’ve been eating an inch every hour, just to keep myself alive.”
    “You’re serious?”
    “In survival situations, a man’s gotta do…”
    “Yeah. Whatever.” She stared at him intently. “I just hope you don’t get a notion to sample my dad’s hemorrhoid cream.”
    Jason looked toward the bathroom. “Does it come in flavors?”
    Amanda rolled her eyes.
    “So what’s on Christine’s diet for my lunch?” Jason looked hopeful. “I was afraid to go read it on the fridge.”
    Amanda rose from her chair and checked in the kitchen. “Sandwich today. Well, kind of a cousin to the typical sandwich. But healthy.”
    Jason was thinking. “Something like whole wheat and turkey?”
    “Nope.” Not even that good . “No bread. Can’t have gluten, remember?”
    “Then I’m afraid to ask.”
    Amanda pulled out the same rice cake crackers and loudly opened a tin of oily sardines. “The sardines have some omega stuff that Christine says will sharpen your antibodies.”
    “They’re already sharp enough. The problem is, I’m starving!”
    She’d once seen crackers and sardines served in a Tom Hanks movie. It sounded edible but looked thoroughly revolting.
    It was.
    Smelled awful, too.
     
    * * * *
     
    Late in the afternoon back at her office, Amanda phoned Christine. “I read your blog entries today from what you’re calling Day Two. Lively stuff. Some embellishment, but definitely entertaining.”
    Christine nearly squealed. “ Our blog. I’m glad you like it.”
    “Also read the first entry for Day Three. Why did you yank out all his chest hair?”
    “Your Jason squealed like a little girl.” Christine chuckled. “It was just the right nipple area, however. I was originally going to put the poultice on his back.”
    “You missed.”
    “Changed my mind when I saw his nipples. They were decidedly erect. My Daniel always had flat nipples… just lay there like flabby quarter dollars. But Jason’s nipples looked like they had something interesting to say, and I found myself wanting to listen.” Christine sighed into the phone. “Whatever. The funniest part was that he actually thought white glue would suck impurities from his mammary gland.”
    “Do men even have mammary glands?” Amanda had not paid much attention during high school biology. “I thought their nipples were just stuck on the pectoral wall, a bit like Mister Potato Head.”
    Christine likely rolled her eyes. “Potato toys don’t have nipples. Do they?”
    Amanda ignored the question. “Remember, I told you up front I didn’t want Jason being harmed. You agreed. But this glue thing is over the line.” Long pause to emphasize the seriousness. “No more physical duress. Okay?”
    “Got carried away. Sorry.” Christine probably shrugged.
    “No more mutilations, whatsoever. Promise?”
    “Define mutilation.” Christine