Read Online Crash by Eve Silver - Free Book Online Page A

but somehow, the game keeps pushing its way in.”
    â€œPush back.”
    As soon as he says that, it hits me that there’s something off about the images in my head. It’s like these thoughts aren’t mine, like they’re being forced into my brain.
    â€œDo you think it’s the Committee?” That’s the Committee’s mode of communication. They’ve placed thoughts in my head before, when I was team leader, and when I faced them in the amphitheater, when they pushed so hard it hurt. Maybe they’re doing it right now, making me think these terrible things. Maybe this is the way they phrase a threat. They could be trying to distract me from telling Jackson about that Drau, or warning me off, showing me what they’ll do if I tell Jackson everything.
    I don’t even know why I’m thinking along these lines, why I’m suspecting them, seeing threats everywhere.
    â€œThe Committee? What would be their purpose?” He doesn’t sound convinced. But he doesn’t sound dismissive,either. “What would they gain?”
    â€œControl.”
    â€œThey already have that.”
    That pretty much sums it up.
    I sigh. “I’m not making much sense, am I?”
    â€œRight now, you deserve to just live in this reality, Miki. You deserve to be able to focus on your dad and Carly. You need to do that. Put everything else away for now. It’s too much. Psych overload. I know. I’ve been there.”
    He has. When Lizzie died. Lizzie, who’s dead but isn’t dead.
    One more terrifying piece of the puzzle.

UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
    HarperCollins Publishers
    ..................................................................

    WE SIT SIDE BY SIDE OPPOSITE THE FLU VACCINE POSTER, minutes crawling past until I can’t take the quiet anymore. I rise and pace, then spin back to face Jackson. “How did you cope?” I ask. “When everything felt like too much? After Lizzie died and the game and . . . When you thought you were going to crash?”
    â€œI shut down. Built walls. Locked everyone out.” Jackson huffs a soft laugh. “Became an asshole.”
    â€œPretended to become an asshole,” I say.
    â€œAlways seeing the good in me.”
    â€œNot always.”
    His brows rise above the frames of his glasses. “I closed down, Miki. Got numb. Emotions were messy. Ugly. I withdrew from my parents. I didn’t feel a hell of a lot.”He pauses. “Didn’t let myself feel a hell of a lot, except for crushing guilt. That leaked through just fine.”
    â€œBut you aren’t guilty. You—”
    â€œKilled my sister, whether I meant to or not.” He gets to his feet and closes the space between us. “My con was red. I was dying. She told me to make like a Drau, to borrow enough of her energy to stay alive. So that’s what I did, except I didn’t just borrow enough, I took it all. And I killed her.” He touches my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I felt guilty, inside the game and out. Like every loss after that, every death was on me. And let’s not even talk about having any kind of true friendship or connection with someone, any kind of . . . intimacy.”
    â€œDid you see anyone? A therapist?”
    He shrugs and after a couple of seconds I realize that’s the only answer I’m going to get.
    â€œDid you get a diagnosis?”
    â€œDidn’t ask for one.”
    Of course he didn’t. Typical Jackson. “PTSD,” I say.
    He cocks a brow. “Your professional opinion, Dr. Jones?”
    I shrug. “I read up on it. And pretty much every other anxiety disorder. Dr. Andrews said that’s part of my need to be in control. I’m an information hoarder.”
    â€œThe internet is a wonderful thing,” he says dryly.
    So much about him makes sense now. The way he was when I first met him in the game. The persona he