Read Online Confessions of an Almost-Girlfriend by Louise Rozett - Free Book Online

feeling drowns
in confusion and fear. What do I do now? Am I supposed to do
something about his…condition? If I don’t, am I a tease? Or am
I only obligated to do something about it if I’m his actual girlfriend? And if so, what, exactly, would that something be?
Wait—there is no obligation when it comes to this stuff, right?
You’re just supposed to do what you’re comfortable with and
nothing else?
That’s what Ms. Maso drilled into our heads last year. It all
made so much sense in health class. Now it doesn’t seem so clear.
I realize that I’ve been staring at the front of Jamie’s jeans for
way too long to pretend that my gaze just fell there by accident.
I force my eyes up to his face, and I’m expecting him to be
embarrassed or apologetic but he just gazes back at me with that
same steady look, as if what’s happening is totally normal. Which,
I guess, it is. Although I can’t imagine any of this stuff will ever
feel normal to me. If anything, it feels like one big freak show.
He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head as if,
once again, he did something he shouldn’t have. And 2.0 gets
mad.
“Let me guess. You regret it already, right?” Right. Touching
me was a complete and total mistake.
He shakes his head.
“Then what?” This roller coaster is making me insane.
“I wasn’t gonna do that—”
“Don’t bother, Jamie. You don’t have to explain—”
“I do. There’s a lot of stuff I gotta explain,” he says, his eyes
locked onto mine.
The fact that he knows he owes you some explanations means something. My anger starts to deflate. But where the hell was he all summer? Did it take him months to come up with these explanations he
claims he now has? My anger balloons up again. Well, so what if it
did? Not everybody knows how to explain how they feel. You have to
cut people slack sometimes. Now my anger just sits still, not knowing what to do. Suddenly I find the entire situation…funny.
“Did you just say you’re going to explain something to me?
Seriously?” I tease. “You mean, I’m finally going to get some actual explanations out of Jamie Forta?”
After a moment of what looks like confusion, a little smile
crosses his face, and I feel a shift. I don’t know how to explain it
in a normal way. It’s like we’ve always been standing on two different levels, with him above me. But just now, the levels moved
closer to each other and we’re not so far apart anymore. We’re
almost—but not quite—on equal ground.
I guess another way to say it is that Jamie doesn’t hold all the
cards. I actually have a few of my own, and I like it.
“Next Saturday,” he says.
Next Saturday. Next Saturday? As in, Saturday night?
“Dinner,” he adds.
Last year, Jamie and I had covert conversations in his car in
various locations, hidden away. But we never spent any time together around other people.
“Are you finally going to be seen with me in public?” I say,
pretending to be astonished. “We better not tell anyone or we’ll
both end up in jail this time.”
His smile gets a little wider and he actually laughs—that beautiful, delicious laugh that feels like a reward whenever it’s let out.
It practically makes me giddy. And it dawns on me that Jamie
likes it when I make fun of him. That’s why the playing field is
leveling out. Because I’m teasing him.
“I can’t believe it,” I say. “Jamie Forta and me, on an actual
date.”
“You don’t have to keep saying Jamie Forta, Rose.”
“Oh, sure I do. In these big moments, when explanations are
being promised and public outings are announced, it’s important to address you by your full name. The occasion calls for it.”
His smile makes me want to get into his car and go anywhere
with him. It’s a little intimidating to feel that for someone. It
makes you wonder if you’re going to do something you don’t
really want to do, or shouldn’t do. I mean, I haven’t seen or talked
to