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Authors: Mollie Gross
Tags: Bisac Code 1: BIO008000
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who live in the South who aren’t born there: “Just because the cat has kittens in the oven doesn’t make them biscuits.”)
She had been a schoolteacher and was an amazing artist. Like me, she had married her Marine within months of meeting him. Like us, they had eloped much to the dismay of some of their family and friends.
She said she met Lloyd at a party in Wilmington, North Carolina. He was so charming, fun, sexy, and wild that she just had to marry him. She said she wanted a husband who could party with her. And it worked for them. They loved to party and had friends over all the time.
Beenie’s energy was just what I needed at that point. She wasn’t bothered by my loud mouth attitude. If anything, she spurred it on by laughing at my outrageous behavior.
When I started doing stand up comedy, I would run jokes by Beenie and she would laugh and laugh. I’d say, “did you get that one?” And she would say, between giggles and tears, “I think so!”
When you do stand up you are supposed to imagine you’re speaking directly to someone. My someone is always Beenie. She’s my Ed McMahon without the cheesy sweepstakes.
Beenie also does the same thing my dad does. She pronounces McDonald’s as Mac Donald. Or Kimora Lee Simmons as Kamero. She also tends to drop the ‘s’ at the end of a word and adds an “s” to words that don’t have one. Sometimes people didn’t understand what she said, so I’d have to translate. After a while, I started to talk like Beenie, which tripped everyone out.
It was also great to meet someone who had a lot of things fly right over her head. Neither of us “got” half of what our husbands said. We weren’t exactly simple-minded. We just didn’t catch onto some things quickly.
When my father developed prostate cancer I called to share the news with Beenie. She and my dad had shared many a Miller Lite.
I assured her my dad would be fine, but that he would have to have minor surgery to remove the cancer.
Beenie was naturally concerned for me. “Oh Mollie, do you think you should go get your prostate checked?” she innocently asked.
After we met that first day we chatted on the phone constantly. I was glad to finally have someone to talk to in between “Lifetime” movies on days Jon was at work.
Beenie became the gas to my fire. She seemed to be happy and operated on a plane of existence I have yet to discover. Best of all, she keeps her life uncomplicated.
It’s something I wish I could do. I am so high strung, while Beenie lets it all roll off. Nothing gets under her skin.
There was only one time when she popped. For some reason, Beenie’s husband could never do anything right. He’s one of the smartest guys I have ever met, but he had this lawyer attitude that he couldn’t leave at the office.
Here’s the thing: Lloyd absolutely worships Beenie. He goes nuts trying to get her attention—even competing with me for it. He would even get jealous if he called home and found she was talking on the phone with me.
It wasn’t a “beat your wife” type of jealousy, just a guy up against a challenge. The more Beenie would ignore Lloyd, the wilder he would get. And does Beenie know how to work him!
Anyway, in his efforts to get her attention, Lloyd would mess up—often. In fact, he seemed to like it when she was mad at him, as if he had more of a challenge to overcome. They would have these huge blow-ups and she would lock him out of the house. I would call two hours later only to hear they had just had wild make-up sex.
I secretly came to believe that Lloyd did his best to make her mad just to get her in bed.
A SENSITIVE SUBJECT: POGUE VS. GRUNT
Jon and Lloyd were great pals as well. Irish Catholic, charming, goofy, party animal, USMC lawyer—that was Lloyd.
Lloyd and Jon had been in TBS training together. Lloyd went on and on about how Jon had been the only one to beat him at puggle stick fighting. Jon didn’t really remember the incident, but Lloyd
She had been a schoolteacher and was an amazing artist. Like me, she had married her Marine within months of meeting him. Like us, they had eloped much to the dismay of some of their family and friends.
She said she met Lloyd at a party in Wilmington, North Carolina. He was so charming, fun, sexy, and wild that she just had to marry him. She said she wanted a husband who could party with her. And it worked for them. They loved to party and had friends over all the time.
Beenie’s energy was just what I needed at that point. She wasn’t bothered by my loud mouth attitude. If anything, she spurred it on by laughing at my outrageous behavior.
When I started doing stand up comedy, I would run jokes by Beenie and she would laugh and laugh. I’d say, “did you get that one?” And she would say, between giggles and tears, “I think so!”
When you do stand up you are supposed to imagine you’re speaking directly to someone. My someone is always Beenie. She’s my Ed McMahon without the cheesy sweepstakes.
Beenie also does the same thing my dad does. She pronounces McDonald’s as Mac Donald. Or Kimora Lee Simmons as Kamero. She also tends to drop the ‘s’ at the end of a word and adds an “s” to words that don’t have one. Sometimes people didn’t understand what she said, so I’d have to translate. After a while, I started to talk like Beenie, which tripped everyone out.
It was also great to meet someone who had a lot of things fly right over her head. Neither of us “got” half of what our husbands said. We weren’t exactly simple-minded. We just didn’t catch onto some things quickly.
When my father developed prostate cancer I called to share the news with Beenie. She and my dad had shared many a Miller Lite.
I assured her my dad would be fine, but that he would have to have minor surgery to remove the cancer.
Beenie was naturally concerned for me. “Oh Mollie, do you think you should go get your prostate checked?” she innocently asked.
After we met that first day we chatted on the phone constantly. I was glad to finally have someone to talk to in between “Lifetime” movies on days Jon was at work.
Beenie became the gas to my fire. She seemed to be happy and operated on a plane of existence I have yet to discover. Best of all, she keeps her life uncomplicated.
It’s something I wish I could do. I am so high strung, while Beenie lets it all roll off. Nothing gets under her skin.
There was only one time when she popped. For some reason, Beenie’s husband could never do anything right. He’s one of the smartest guys I have ever met, but he had this lawyer attitude that he couldn’t leave at the office.
Here’s the thing: Lloyd absolutely worships Beenie. He goes nuts trying to get her attention—even competing with me for it. He would even get jealous if he called home and found she was talking on the phone with me.
It wasn’t a “beat your wife” type of jealousy, just a guy up against a challenge. The more Beenie would ignore Lloyd, the wilder he would get. And does Beenie know how to work him!
Anyway, in his efforts to get her attention, Lloyd would mess up—often. In fact, he seemed to like it when she was mad at him, as if he had more of a challenge to overcome. They would have these huge blow-ups and she would lock him out of the house. I would call two hours later only to hear they had just had wild make-up sex.
I secretly came to believe that Lloyd did his best to make her mad just to get her in bed.
A SENSITIVE SUBJECT: POGUE VS. GRUNT
Jon and Lloyd were great pals as well. Irish Catholic, charming, goofy, party animal, USMC lawyer—that was Lloyd.
Lloyd and Jon had been in TBS training together. Lloyd went on and on about how Jon had been the only one to beat him at puggle stick fighting. Jon didn’t really remember the incident, but Lloyd
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