Read Online Coco Pinchard's Big Fat Tipsy Wedding: A Funny Feel-Good Romantic Comedy by Robert Bryndza - Free Book Online Page B

smell?’ Xavier and Barry looked at each other and laughed again.
    ‘Are you smoking…’
    ‘Don’t tell my Mum, she’ll flip,’ said Barry taking a joint he’d had behind his back and inhaling.
    ‘What? She’d do a back flip? Is she a gymnast?’ said Xavier laughing.
    ‘No, she’s my agent and my friend!’ I said. ‘And she’d kill you if she found out. Aren’t you on probation Barry?’
    ‘Yeah!’ he carried on laughing.  
    ‘Barry! It’s not funny. I don’t know why you insist on breaking your mother’s heart. And smoking weed fries your brain and makes everything seem futile. Please don’t waste your life!’
    Suddenly the little door opened. Barry dropped the joint but it skidded into the middle of us all. Angie appeared.
    ‘What are you all doing?’ She said. ‘I can smell weed.’
    Angie always looks in control but as she searched Barry’s face for an answer, I could see she was scared, she looked so vulnerable.
    ‘I’m smoking a joint,’ I said suddenly.
    ‘ You're smoking a joint?’ said Angie incredulously.
    ‘Yes, I am.’ I said picking it up off the floor. ‘Sorry, it’s my joint.’  
    ‘I, um,   showed her up to the roof, to smoke it,’ said Barry.
    'Why the hell are you smoking weed Coco?’ said Angie.
    ‘I prefer the term medical Marijuana,’ I bluffed. Angie carried on staring, showing another emotion I’ve never seen before; shock. I put the joint to my lips and took a big drag. Behind Angie, Barry was frantically signalling to me, and I realised why. It was super-strength and hit me like a train.
    ‘Why are you on medical marijuana?’ said Angie in a low voice.
    ‘Um.. Menopause…’ I muttered.
    ‘Ok… uh, okay,’ she said seeing Xavier. ‘Sorry. Just please don’t smoke drugs in front of my son. You know how hard it’s been to get him away from this stuff.’
    ‘Sorry,’ I gulped and flicked the rest of the joint over the edge. We watched the ember slowly float down to the street below.  
    ‘Now come on Barry,’ said Angie. ‘I’ve got an author of mine I want you to meet, he lectures at Cambridge. He might be able to swing you a place.’ They went off and closed the little door behind them. Xavier grinned at me.
    ‘So you’re an author and she’s your Agent?’
    ‘Yes,’ I said feeling the roof begin to spin.
    ‘And you just covered for her bad boy son? You’ve got a wild side.’   Xavier suddenly leant over and kissed me. Without thinking I kissed him back. The joint did something reckless to me. I started to unbutton his shirt and run my hand across his chest which was firm and hot. We kissed harder and I moved my hand across his abs and down. Whatever I had just inhaled was messing with my head. I closed my eyes and imagined it was Adam kissing me, it was Adam I was touching.
      Suddenly, something very warm and thick landed with a thud in my palm, and carried on along my wrist. I opened my eyes and looked down. He’d unzipped his trousers! Presenting me with the most enormous penis I’ve ever seen (and this was in minus temperatures too!) I screamed and leapt away.
    ‘What? Are you okay?’ he said.
    ‘I thought it was a snake!’ I shrilled, then started laughing uncontrollably. Xavier hurriedly tucked it back in his trousers, he looked embarrassed and a little betrayed. I realised I was being unfair to him, and that I was rather wasted. I suddenly felt sick, I ran to the railing of the roof and threw up over the side. I threw up again and felt Xavier gently hold my hair back for me. When I’d finished he offered me a tissue.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
    ‘Do you want me to take you home, I mean drop you off at home?’ He said. I nodded.
    He helped me down all the flights of stairs, through the party and out onto the street. There was a gaggle of people stood around staring up at the house and Angie was watching a black cab drive away.
    ‘What’s going on?’ I said.
    ‘A right fuck up, that’s what! I invited the