I mumbled, although the professor hadn’t used those words. “He said I was worthless, and I was spoiled, and I didn’t deserve to be here.”
“Did he really say that?” Rex asked, and I nodded even though I couldn’t see him.
“Yeah.” It came out as a whisper. I barely heard Rex moving across the room, and then our door slammed, and I didn’t care.
“Well, he was wrong!” Oliver snapped. He was openly crying now, and even though it was stupid, I reached out and touched the screen.
“Don’t cry, baby. He was right. I’m spoiled and dumb, and we both know you should be here. I . . . I mean, I was trying, right? I didn’t just give up? I mean”—because it couldn’t be argued—“I gave up now, but, well, no big loss.”
“That’s what you think, you clueless motherfucker!”
“Oliver, you never swear!”
“Well, look what you made me do. You’ve got one hour to get up, get showered, and get to class to try again, do you hear me?”
“And then what happens?” Because my parents hadn’t called me once, and we both knew it. No calls, no texts, just a receipt from the bank when they put their money in my checking account. I was pretty sure they’d cut me off if I didn’t get out of bed. That would be fine. Some janitor at Berkeley would pick up my bed and haul me out and leave me on the side of the road, and I could rot in peace.
“You listen to me, Rusty,” Oliver said, his voice low and serious. “If you do not get out of bed right the fuck now, me and my dad are going to go down there and get you. We will pick you up and throw you in the car and abduct you, and throw you in the shower until you come to your senses. So you get up now, or we’ll do it for you!”
I straightened up a little and frowned at him. “But Oliver, I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Oliver’s face wrinkled, like a napkin. “Baby, when was the last time you ate?”
“I don’t care.”
“Well, I do! You must have lost thirty pounds in the last two months. Could you, please, for me, just get up, take a shower, and eat some fucking pancakes or something?”
“You’ve got to stop swearing. Man, you’re freaking me out.”
“ Get the fuck up, you dumb motherfucker, you are hurting me by lying there !” He yelled so loud his voice blacked out in the high parts, and the speakers squealed. I managed to push myself up so I was looking down at the screen, and my bladder gave a big, fat, thump in my abdomen.
“Sorry, Oliver. I don’t ever want to hurt you, you know that. Jesus, I’ve got to pee.”
Oliver nodded, then wiped his eyes with his palms. “You do that, okay? You go take the world’s longest piss. Then you come back. But—hey, you got your phone?” I reached behind the computer and held it up. “Good. Now set the alarm. You’ve got an hour, Rusty. You text me or talk to me, or get on Skype with your sister on your own computer, and you show me that you’ve showered, you’ve shaved, and you’ve changed. And I wouldn’t object to you shoving some food in your mouth while you’re on the phone. And if I don’t hear from you in an hour , my dad and I are coming to get you. He’s been trying to talk me into doing that since the end of September.”
“I looked this bad a month ago?”
“You sounded this bad,” he conceded. “Now you look fucked up, too.”
Shit. All my fucking self-pity, and I’d pulled him into it. Now I felt bad. “I’m sorry. How’d he talk you out of it?”
Oliver shook his head. “I talked him. I wasn’t sure you’d want me to come. You weren’t even thinking about me the same way I was thinking about you.”
I remembered shouting into Pritchard’s face, and I thought I should probably tell him this. “Oliver?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”
“Me too, pendejo .”
“And even if I’m not gay, you know what?”
“What?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m Oliver-sexual.” I nodded, smiling, proud of this, and the smile
“Did he really say that?” Rex asked, and I nodded even though I couldn’t see him.
“Yeah.” It came out as a whisper. I barely heard Rex moving across the room, and then our door slammed, and I didn’t care.
“Well, he was wrong!” Oliver snapped. He was openly crying now, and even though it was stupid, I reached out and touched the screen.
“Don’t cry, baby. He was right. I’m spoiled and dumb, and we both know you should be here. I . . . I mean, I was trying, right? I didn’t just give up? I mean”—because it couldn’t be argued—“I gave up now, but, well, no big loss.”
“That’s what you think, you clueless motherfucker!”
“Oliver, you never swear!”
“Well, look what you made me do. You’ve got one hour to get up, get showered, and get to class to try again, do you hear me?”
“And then what happens?” Because my parents hadn’t called me once, and we both knew it. No calls, no texts, just a receipt from the bank when they put their money in my checking account. I was pretty sure they’d cut me off if I didn’t get out of bed. That would be fine. Some janitor at Berkeley would pick up my bed and haul me out and leave me on the side of the road, and I could rot in peace.
“You listen to me, Rusty,” Oliver said, his voice low and serious. “If you do not get out of bed right the fuck now, me and my dad are going to go down there and get you. We will pick you up and throw you in the car and abduct you, and throw you in the shower until you come to your senses. So you get up now, or we’ll do it for you!”
I straightened up a little and frowned at him. “But Oliver, I don’t want you to see me like this.”
Oliver’s face wrinkled, like a napkin. “Baby, when was the last time you ate?”
“I don’t care.”
“Well, I do! You must have lost thirty pounds in the last two months. Could you, please, for me, just get up, take a shower, and eat some fucking pancakes or something?”
“You’ve got to stop swearing. Man, you’re freaking me out.”
“ Get the fuck up, you dumb motherfucker, you are hurting me by lying there !” He yelled so loud his voice blacked out in the high parts, and the speakers squealed. I managed to push myself up so I was looking down at the screen, and my bladder gave a big, fat, thump in my abdomen.
“Sorry, Oliver. I don’t ever want to hurt you, you know that. Jesus, I’ve got to pee.”
Oliver nodded, then wiped his eyes with his palms. “You do that, okay? You go take the world’s longest piss. Then you come back. But—hey, you got your phone?” I reached behind the computer and held it up. “Good. Now set the alarm. You’ve got an hour, Rusty. You text me or talk to me, or get on Skype with your sister on your own computer, and you show me that you’ve showered, you’ve shaved, and you’ve changed. And I wouldn’t object to you shoving some food in your mouth while you’re on the phone. And if I don’t hear from you in an hour , my dad and I are coming to get you. He’s been trying to talk me into doing that since the end of September.”
“I looked this bad a month ago?”
“You sounded this bad,” he conceded. “Now you look fucked up, too.”
Shit. All my fucking self-pity, and I’d pulled him into it. Now I felt bad. “I’m sorry. How’d he talk you out of it?”
Oliver shook his head. “I talked him. I wasn’t sure you’d want me to come. You weren’t even thinking about me the same way I was thinking about you.”
I remembered shouting into Pritchard’s face, and I thought I should probably tell him this. “Oliver?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”
“Me too, pendejo .”
“And even if I’m not gay, you know what?”
“What?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m Oliver-sexual.” I nodded, smiling, proud of this, and the smile
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