Read Online Christmas Bliss by Mary Kay Andrews - Free Book Online Page B

Christmas cookies, I allowed myself to be steered back to the living room, where I sank gratefully into one of the armchairs by the sofa, hoping nobody would notice as I removed my shoes.
    “How’re you doing?” Weezie asked, grabbing the chair beside mine. “I saw Karen Turner bending your ear earlier. And then I noticed you mysteriously disappeared. For a minute there, I was afraid you’d left. And then I remembered I drove. So, is everything okay?”
    “Everything is just peachy. Stephanie Gardner pointed out that I don’t have a birth plan. And then Karen attempted to regale me with a hilarious account of her botched episiotomy, after which I had to race to the bathroom to barf. Good times!”
    Weezie winced. “Sorry. But cheer up. All you have to do now is open some presents and look gracious and grateful. Twenty, thirty more minutes tops, we’ll be out of here.”
    Unfortunately, our hostess hadn’t gotten the memo about Weezie’s timetable. Merijoy stood in front of the fireplace and clapped her hands to silence the chattering crowd.
    “Okay, y’all,” she announced. “You know what time it is, right?”
    “Game time?” squealed one of the Marys. “Ooh, I love silly shower games.”
    I didn’t dare look over at Weezie.
    *   *   *
    We scooted our chairs into a semicircle. Merijoy’s eyes gleamed with excitement as she brought out a large cardboard box. She reached in and brought out what looked suspiciously like a stack of disposable diapers.
    “Now, girls, everybody take a diaper, but don’t unfold it yet. No peeking!”
    I stared dumbly down at the diaper in my lap.
    “When I say ‘Go!’ everybody open your diaper. There’s a little surprise in there. You can touch it and smell it—but you can’t taste it. Write down what you think it is on your little notepad, and then pass it along to the next person. Keep it moving! When I say stop, the first person who has all the correct answers wins a prize. No cheating, now!”
    “Yay!” chirped Mary Elizabeth, at twenty-three the youngest of the Marys. “I love the doody in the diaper game!”
    Seeing my expression, Weezie leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Don’t worry. It’s just some melted candy. You know, like a Butterfinger or a Tootsie Roll.”
    “That’s the sickest thing I’ve ever heard of,” I whispered back.
    “Go!” Merijoy ordered. Immediately the room erupted in a chorus of shrieks and giggles.
    I reluctantly unfastened the tapes of my diaper and gazed down at the contents, which appeared to be some kind of brown lump encrusted with peanuts.
    “Snicker,” Weezie whispered. I rolled my eyes but dutifully wrote it down. As soon as I’d finished, Weezie handed me a diaper that had been handed to her. I glanced, shrugged, and scribbled something illegible. Another diaper, then another and another were handed around. Each time I passed it along without looking. Fortunately, the other women were so immersed in the hilarity of the game nobody noticed my lack of participation.
    “Stop!” Merijoy called, and she was greeted with groans and more giggles. When the notes were tallied, it was no surprise that Mary Elizabeth was the big winner—correctly guessing twelve different kinds of mashed-up or melted candies.
    Merijoy’s next game was just as sick and twisted as her first. She quickly produced another large cardboard box—full of baby bottles.
    “Y’all are gonna love this one,” she exclaimed. “Everybody gets a bottle, okay? They’re all filled with something different.” She nodded in my direction. “Don’t worry, BeBe, I’ll make sure yours doesn’t have anything alcoholic in it.”
    “Yippee,” I said weakly.
    “When I holler go, everybody has to suck their bottle down. All of it! Whoever finishes first, wins. Isn’t that hilarious?”
    “I don’t think I’ll participate in this one, dear,” Grandmama said when Merijoy handed her one of the bottles.
    “I’m going to opt out too,” I