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Authors: Virginia May
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let you know of an important change that is currently taking place in my life. It is not easy to explain, but I am going to try. I have wondered a long time about who to tell, when, and how. I am not certain that this is the best way, or even the most opportune time, but I have come to a point when I cannot hide any longer. For most of my life I have struggled with what is medically referred to as gender dysphoria, a collective name for a condition in which the biological/physical sex is not consistent with the perception of gender for the person. I began the important process that will result in significant changes as I intend to live the rest of my life as a woman.
The decision was not an easy one, but the only one. This is not a life-style choice, or being done on a whim. Gender dysphoria is a medical condition whose only treatment is to live life as the gender you are – or die. If I have decided to reveal so much about me today, it is just because I cannot accept any longer the minimization or denial of what and who I am. I want to be able to communicate normally and honestly about my life, without subterfuge, lies, and fear. I hope that no matter what your reaction is, you ’ ll take the time to read this letter entirely. It has nothing to do with being transvestite, crossdresser, drag queen or female impersonator. It has also nothing to do with sex (or desire or preferences) but everything to do with perception of gender identity. Unfortunately, most people equate the concepts of gender and sex, but it is - really - not the same thing. Sex is the fact that a person ’ s physical characteristics are essentially male or female. Gender refers to the general presentation, to the physical characteristics, to belief, to behaviour which society relies upon so as to classify a person as “ masculine ” or “ feminine. ” Gender identity refers to the inner conviction of a person because it is defined as belonging to one of these categories.
Gender expression of a person (what that person chooses (or not) to reveal to society) may or may not match their gender identity, because our behaviour is often conditioned by strong social pressures. For most people, sex, gender identity and gender expression, the social role we play, are consistent one with another. However, sometimes some people feel that their body does not match what they feel to be, and the way they are expected to interact in society is very different from what they would like. When this happens, it causes a very strong and constant discomfort, which is at best extremely difficult to control. Various degrees exist, and unfortunately it is a condition that worsens over time.
This is not a mental illness and is a recognized medical condition for which treatments are appropriate in only certain cases. Personally, I have always known, in fact as early as age five, that I was different from other children. I was scared to death to tell anyone how I felt and society was not what it is today. So I made every effort to act the way boys were expected to. This strategy worked, and I decided that I ’ d be better off putting all that behind me. Although I had to fight at times with all my energy to repress these feelings and transform them, I decided I could manage the situation without doing anything about it. In 1997 I sought medical help for my problem, but none was forthcoming, and at the same time my prior marriage collapsed I was working full time and going to school part time as well.
Some of you may wonder why I married Virgi. That is in fact very simple: I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; I believed my condition could be eliminated through denial and I believed that it would be manageable. However, a few years ago some events made me realize that I was growing unhappy because I was not addressing something in my life. I searched for solutions and different routes to happiness. The thought that it may be gender
The decision was not an easy one, but the only one. This is not a life-style choice, or being done on a whim. Gender dysphoria is a medical condition whose only treatment is to live life as the gender you are – or die. If I have decided to reveal so much about me today, it is just because I cannot accept any longer the minimization or denial of what and who I am. I want to be able to communicate normally and honestly about my life, without subterfuge, lies, and fear. I hope that no matter what your reaction is, you ’ ll take the time to read this letter entirely. It has nothing to do with being transvestite, crossdresser, drag queen or female impersonator. It has also nothing to do with sex (or desire or preferences) but everything to do with perception of gender identity. Unfortunately, most people equate the concepts of gender and sex, but it is - really - not the same thing. Sex is the fact that a person ’ s physical characteristics are essentially male or female. Gender refers to the general presentation, to the physical characteristics, to belief, to behaviour which society relies upon so as to classify a person as “ masculine ” or “ feminine. ” Gender identity refers to the inner conviction of a person because it is defined as belonging to one of these categories.
Gender expression of a person (what that person chooses (or not) to reveal to society) may or may not match their gender identity, because our behaviour is often conditioned by strong social pressures. For most people, sex, gender identity and gender expression, the social role we play, are consistent one with another. However, sometimes some people feel that their body does not match what they feel to be, and the way they are expected to interact in society is very different from what they would like. When this happens, it causes a very strong and constant discomfort, which is at best extremely difficult to control. Various degrees exist, and unfortunately it is a condition that worsens over time.
This is not a mental illness and is a recognized medical condition for which treatments are appropriate in only certain cases. Personally, I have always known, in fact as early as age five, that I was different from other children. I was scared to death to tell anyone how I felt and society was not what it is today. So I made every effort to act the way boys were expected to. This strategy worked, and I decided that I ’ d be better off putting all that behind me. Although I had to fight at times with all my energy to repress these feelings and transform them, I decided I could manage the situation without doing anything about it. In 1997 I sought medical help for my problem, but none was forthcoming, and at the same time my prior marriage collapsed I was working full time and going to school part time as well.
Some of you may wonder why I married Virgi. That is in fact very simple: I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with; I believed my condition could be eliminated through denial and I believed that it would be manageable. However, a few years ago some events made me realize that I was growing unhappy because I was not addressing something in my life. I searched for solutions and different routes to happiness. The thought that it may be gender
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