Read Online Catch Me When I Fall by Nicci French - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Nicci French
Tags: Fiction, Suspense, Psychological, Psychological fiction, Mystery, England, Large Type Books, Fiction - Psychological Suspense, Businesswomen, Extortion, Stalking Victims, Self-Destructive Behavior
Ads: Link
them. They look through me. I say things and they don't seem to hear me.'
"It'll change when they're older,' I said.
'Maybe. Probably. But it's the oddest feeling, as if I didn't exist. I'm like a ghost in my own life.'
He rolled another cigarette and put it into the comer of his mouth.
'I bet you never have that feeling,' he said, after he'd lit it and taken a long drag. 'I bet no one ever treats you as if you didn't exist. How could they? Anyway, you wouldn't let them, would you?' H gave a laugh.
'I don't know,' I said. 'I wish they did. I think I'd like it.' I asked him to roll me a cigarette and he did it in a few deft
movements. I poured us some more whisky. "Now, what about you?' "Me?"
'What's your story?'
My story. I considered the welter of anecdotes that were rehearsed and fairly painless by now: my father's business ventures, Which had seemed funny at the time but not so funny when I looked back at them years later. Or was it the other way around? Was it that they became funny when turned into anecdotes? Or my two expulsions from school, for unruly behaviour (the first) and drugs (the second). Or there was the time [ fan away from home, aged eleven, taking the beloved
family dog with me, all the way to the corner of the road. That was a sweet story. I could tell him that one. I shook my head.
"Another time. Now I need to go to bed.'
"I hate getting older,' he said.
I gave an internal groan. It was the darkest part of the night: early-hours, whisky-sodden confession time. "Why's that, then?"
'Everything, really. Doors closing. Dreams fading. Kids treating you like you're some old has-been. Everything seemed so easy when I was your age. You'd get drunk and the next morning feel fine. I'm going to feel shitty in the morning, but I bet you'll be as fresh as a daisy.'
'Speaking of morning..."
'You think, Is this it, then? The life I wanted. Is this all there is?" 'How old are you?' Forty? Forty-one? Surely it's a bit early
to --'
'And then there's sex."
'Stuart..."
'I don't know why I'm telling you this. Somehow I don't think you'll laugh at me. Not like some people. You see, I've always been good at sex.'
As if sex was like high-jump or mental arithmetic, I thought.
'Never any problem,' he continued. He sloshed more whisky
into his glass and downed it. 'Until the last couple of years." 'Ah," 1 said neutrally.
"Now, well, I can't -you know -rely on myself any more. If
you know what I mean."
"I think so."
"It's a vicious circle -the more I lose confidence, the more of a problem it is. Women don't know what it's like.' He went very red. 'I used to be able to control myself. Now it just.., well, it's over too quickly. Do you know what I mean?'
I made an indeterminate sound.
'Now you think I'm pathetic.'
'Not at all. I bet you'd find lots of your male friends have go
through something similar, only they never talk about it.' "You think so?' Im sure of it.'
'I keep thinking there must be some woman out there who help me through this. I've got a picture in my head, someone outwardly cool and collected.'
At least he wasn't thinking of me.
'But inside she's troubled and passionate.'
"Well...' I began.
"I should never have cheated on my wife. I would have bee all right then. Perhaps I'm reaping what I sowed. God's revenge, to make me a laughing-stock. Have you ever cheated on husband?"
'No.' I managed a tone of outrage that he should even assume
and added, 'We've only been married just over a year.' 'What's his name?" 'Charlie.'
'I hope Charlie realizes what a lucky man he is.'
Meg dropped me at home just after nine. She said she wouldnt stop, she'd seen quite enough of me for one weekend, b wandered in with me anyway. In the house we found Charlie with his old friend Sam watching a DVD in the dark. I kissed Charlie on the top of his head and took a gulp of wine from hi glass.
'Hi,' he said, reaching out a hand. 'Hello, Meg.'
'Hello,' she said. I looked at the way her blush
"It'll change when they're older,' I said.
'Maybe. Probably. But it's the oddest feeling, as if I didn't exist. I'm like a ghost in my own life.'
He rolled another cigarette and put it into the comer of his mouth.
'I bet you never have that feeling,' he said, after he'd lit it and taken a long drag. 'I bet no one ever treats you as if you didn't exist. How could they? Anyway, you wouldn't let them, would you?' H gave a laugh.
'I don't know,' I said. 'I wish they did. I think I'd like it.' I asked him to roll me a cigarette and he did it in a few deft
movements. I poured us some more whisky. "Now, what about you?' "Me?"
'What's your story?'
My story. I considered the welter of anecdotes that were rehearsed and fairly painless by now: my father's business ventures, Which had seemed funny at the time but not so funny when I looked back at them years later. Or was it the other way around? Was it that they became funny when turned into anecdotes? Or my two expulsions from school, for unruly behaviour (the first) and drugs (the second). Or there was the time [ fan away from home, aged eleven, taking the beloved
family dog with me, all the way to the corner of the road. That was a sweet story. I could tell him that one. I shook my head.
"Another time. Now I need to go to bed.'
"I hate getting older,' he said.
I gave an internal groan. It was the darkest part of the night: early-hours, whisky-sodden confession time. "Why's that, then?"
'Everything, really. Doors closing. Dreams fading. Kids treating you like you're some old has-been. Everything seemed so easy when I was your age. You'd get drunk and the next morning feel fine. I'm going to feel shitty in the morning, but I bet you'll be as fresh as a daisy.'
'Speaking of morning..."
'You think, Is this it, then? The life I wanted. Is this all there is?" 'How old are you?' Forty? Forty-one? Surely it's a bit early
to --'
'And then there's sex."
'Stuart..."
'I don't know why I'm telling you this. Somehow I don't think you'll laugh at me. Not like some people. You see, I've always been good at sex.'
As if sex was like high-jump or mental arithmetic, I thought.
'Never any problem,' he continued. He sloshed more whisky
into his glass and downed it. 'Until the last couple of years." 'Ah," 1 said neutrally.
"Now, well, I can't -you know -rely on myself any more. If
you know what I mean."
"I think so."
"It's a vicious circle -the more I lose confidence, the more of a problem it is. Women don't know what it's like.' He went very red. 'I used to be able to control myself. Now it just.., well, it's over too quickly. Do you know what I mean?'
I made an indeterminate sound.
'Now you think I'm pathetic.'
'Not at all. I bet you'd find lots of your male friends have go
through something similar, only they never talk about it.' "You think so?' Im sure of it.'
'I keep thinking there must be some woman out there who help me through this. I've got a picture in my head, someone outwardly cool and collected.'
At least he wasn't thinking of me.
'But inside she's troubled and passionate.'
"Well...' I began.
"I should never have cheated on my wife. I would have bee all right then. Perhaps I'm reaping what I sowed. God's revenge, to make me a laughing-stock. Have you ever cheated on husband?"
'No.' I managed a tone of outrage that he should even assume
and added, 'We've only been married just over a year.' 'What's his name?" 'Charlie.'
'I hope Charlie realizes what a lucky man he is.'
Meg dropped me at home just after nine. She said she wouldnt stop, she'd seen quite enough of me for one weekend, b wandered in with me anyway. In the house we found Charlie with his old friend Sam watching a DVD in the dark. I kissed Charlie on the top of his head and took a gulp of wine from hi glass.
'Hi,' he said, reaching out a hand. 'Hello, Meg.'
'Hello,' she said. I looked at the way her blush
Similar Books
