Who knows? What I do know is that since Buzz came into my life, not one of those idiots holds a candle to him. None, and I don’t even want to try.
Every single time I’ve been with Buzz, it has drawn me into him more. I never realized how much I need to have the dominance of a man, one who tells me what he wants so I don’t have to guess. Buzz tells me everything, step by step.
It’s not like I’m a robot or anything like that. No. Not even close. It’s that I don’t have to think. I can put everything else in my life to the side and only focus on the moment with Buzz. I don’t have to relive my father’s death or feel the abandonment from my mother or even think about the guys who have come and gone from my life, proving they didn’t have a clue what they were doing.
With Buzz, I can be in the moment, and I love that about him.
It’s not just the sex with Buzz, though. It’s him. The whole package. The best thing that happened to us was me going back up to Cherry Vale to school. Yes, truth. Our relationship began so physical that having that time on the phone or via Skype is what made me fall for the guy. However, maybe those conversations weren’t so good because falling for a man like Buzz isn’t a good thing. Damn.
I’ve seen the women around the clubhouse. Angel has told me stories, and I know at any time, Buzz could have whoever he wants. The thought of him with another woman slices a hole in my soul.
Even if I remind myself more times than I can count that Buzz isn’t mine, it doesn’t help in the least. If anything, it only pushes the knife in deeper. I have no knowledge of him with anyone else, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a real possibility.
My chest constricts.
The arm around my waist tightens. “What’re you thinkin’ about so hard?” Buzz’s sleepy, rough voice is so damn sexy. How he knew I was awake, I have no clue. I haven’t moved a single inch.
“You,” I answer honestly.
One thing I’ve never done with Buzz is lie to him. Even if we’re in the middle of heated sex and things aren’t working for me, I tell him. He says, “ Communication is the most important thing in our relationship ,” and I agree.
“What about?” he presses, shifting his body and pulling me more securely to him.
I wiggle, getting comfortable. “How I like being free.”
“What do you mean free ?” he asks, moving his body down and aligning our faces so we look into each other’s eyes.
His are sexy blue, and the more I stare at them, the more they draw me in. They are like a drug, pulling me and making me addicted to this man, which isn’t good. But in this moment with his attention fully on me, I can’t help letting the pull captivate me.
“I like that when I’m with you, I don’t have to worry about anything. I can let my mind go blank, and I know that you’ll take care of me.”
He reaches over and plants a kiss on my forehead, sending tingles down my neck.
“I know I can trust you not to push me beyond what I can take.”
“I like that, too,” he whispers seductively, and I can’t stop the smile from forming. “I love it when you bite your lip like that.” I release it with a pop, not realizing I was doing it. “So fucking sexy, Bella.”
“Oh, yeah?” I tease. “That the only thing you find sexy about me?”
He brushes the hair away from my forehead, placing it behind my ear, the touch soft and comforting. “Nah, I find pretty much every move you make sexy: the sway of those fucking hips, your eyes when you’re pissed off, your laugh—pretty much everything.”
My heart stops for a moment, and then I will it to stop beating so damn fast. He has never said these things to me before. Sure, while we’re fucking, he’ll say something about my body, but never just lying in bed, looking into one another’s eyes like this. Ever.
My heart wants to read so much into this, but my brain is smarter. You cannot fall. You’ll get hurt.
“You’re pretty sexy
Every single time I’ve been with Buzz, it has drawn me into him more. I never realized how much I need to have the dominance of a man, one who tells me what he wants so I don’t have to guess. Buzz tells me everything, step by step.
It’s not like I’m a robot or anything like that. No. Not even close. It’s that I don’t have to think. I can put everything else in my life to the side and only focus on the moment with Buzz. I don’t have to relive my father’s death or feel the abandonment from my mother or even think about the guys who have come and gone from my life, proving they didn’t have a clue what they were doing.
With Buzz, I can be in the moment, and I love that about him.
It’s not just the sex with Buzz, though. It’s him. The whole package. The best thing that happened to us was me going back up to Cherry Vale to school. Yes, truth. Our relationship began so physical that having that time on the phone or via Skype is what made me fall for the guy. However, maybe those conversations weren’t so good because falling for a man like Buzz isn’t a good thing. Damn.
I’ve seen the women around the clubhouse. Angel has told me stories, and I know at any time, Buzz could have whoever he wants. The thought of him with another woman slices a hole in my soul.
Even if I remind myself more times than I can count that Buzz isn’t mine, it doesn’t help in the least. If anything, it only pushes the knife in deeper. I have no knowledge of him with anyone else, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a real possibility.
My chest constricts.
The arm around my waist tightens. “What’re you thinkin’ about so hard?” Buzz’s sleepy, rough voice is so damn sexy. How he knew I was awake, I have no clue. I haven’t moved a single inch.
“You,” I answer honestly.
One thing I’ve never done with Buzz is lie to him. Even if we’re in the middle of heated sex and things aren’t working for me, I tell him. He says, “ Communication is the most important thing in our relationship ,” and I agree.
“What about?” he presses, shifting his body and pulling me more securely to him.
I wiggle, getting comfortable. “How I like being free.”
“What do you mean free ?” he asks, moving his body down and aligning our faces so we look into each other’s eyes.
His are sexy blue, and the more I stare at them, the more they draw me in. They are like a drug, pulling me and making me addicted to this man, which isn’t good. But in this moment with his attention fully on me, I can’t help letting the pull captivate me.
“I like that when I’m with you, I don’t have to worry about anything. I can let my mind go blank, and I know that you’ll take care of me.”
He reaches over and plants a kiss on my forehead, sending tingles down my neck.
“I know I can trust you not to push me beyond what I can take.”
“I like that, too,” he whispers seductively, and I can’t stop the smile from forming. “I love it when you bite your lip like that.” I release it with a pop, not realizing I was doing it. “So fucking sexy, Bella.”
“Oh, yeah?” I tease. “That the only thing you find sexy about me?”
He brushes the hair away from my forehead, placing it behind my ear, the touch soft and comforting. “Nah, I find pretty much every move you make sexy: the sway of those fucking hips, your eyes when you’re pissed off, your laugh—pretty much everything.”
My heart stops for a moment, and then I will it to stop beating so damn fast. He has never said these things to me before. Sure, while we’re fucking, he’ll say something about my body, but never just lying in bed, looking into one another’s eyes like this. Ever.
My heart wants to read so much into this, but my brain is smarter. You cannot fall. You’ll get hurt.
“You’re pretty sexy
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