Read Online Calling Me Back by Louise Bay - Free Book Online

contrast to London. “Thank you for bringing me back.”
    “We’ll have to come again. Maybe we’ll have our honeymoon here. You never know,” Richard said, grinning at me.
    My stomach lurched at his suggestion, but I managed a small smile. It wasn’t excitement that coursed through me. It was anxiety at the thought of a honeymoon with Richard, a life with Richard. He was such a great guy, and I knew that I was crazy with a capital C for not swooning at his suggestion. But as much as I tried, I wasn’t as serious about our relationship as he was. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to fall for him. Part of me wondered whether I was just destined to be unhappy, or if I would choose the most difficult route to happiness and be bound for failure.
    Richard opened the passenger door for me, and I got in, getting comfortable for the long drive.
    “Have you got a busy week?” he asked as he started the engine.
    I nodded. “Yeah, quite busy. I’ve got to study for my entrance exam, so the next few weeks will be brutal.”
    He glanced at me. “Sorry. What are you talking about? What entrance exam?”
    “I told you that I was thinking about applying for an MBA program.”
    “No you didn’t. Why do you want to do that?”
    “I think it will be good. It’ll help me if I want to head up nursing in a big hospital, or . . . I don’t know. I might want a career change, to move into a more general healthcare role.” I liked the challenge that an MBA provided, and it was increasingly common for nurses to get them. As much as I enjoyed my job and the contact I had with patients, I felt there was more I could do for people if I had an opportunity to influence policy within a hospital.
    Richard didn’t respond. He just stared out of the window at the road in front of us.
    “You don’t think it’s a good idea?” I asked.
    “I didn’t think you were a career girl, that’s all.”
    What did that mean? “What’s a career girl?”
    He frowned and looked in my direction, then back at the road. “Wouldn’t you want to stay at home with your children?” he asked.
    “Well, unless you know something I don’t, I’m not pregnant. Anyway, I like working. I don’t understand how a girl with a career is a bad thing.”
    “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I think it’s great that you’ve been to university, but motherhood is the most important job you can do.”
    “Like fatherhood?”
    “Well, yes but it’s different, isn’t it?”
    “Is it?”
    “Well, apart from anything else, my earning potential is more than yours, so it makes more sense if either of us is to stay home that it would be you.”
    Were we really discussing what married life was going to be like for us? I wanted to undo the top button of my shirt to relieve the tightness around my throat, but I was wearing a V-neck and it wasn’t the collar that was creating the restriction.
    “Who knows, maybe I’ll end up earning more than you if I get my MBA.”
    “And is that what you want?”
    “What? To have a successful and rewarding career? Sure. Isn’t it what you want?”
    “I know, but do you want that more than you want to have kids and be a stay-at-home mother?”
    How were we having this conversation at the beginning of a five-hour car ride?
    “I want to have kids and a career. I guess like you do.”
    Richard nodded but didn’t reply.
    Haven had been right. Richard wasn’t the man for me. If I hadn’t known before, how he saw our future together had solidified my feelings. Ultimately, if we didn’t want the same things from life, then whether or not there was passion between us didn’t matter. It was a relief in a sense. It gave me a sensible reason for not wanting Richard. I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I was prepared to give up passion for a good guy, or that wanting someone who was my best friend, who made me laugh but also knew how to make my toes curl, was naïve and ridiculous. These were concrete