Read Online Calling Me Back by Louise Bay - Free Book Online Page B

going to leave it until Emma’s deadline was up. Now I knew where we were going, it seemed unfair to string things out. Emma had the day off tomorrow, so I was going to tell her this evening. I’d texted her earlier in the day to suggest we talk when she got home from work, and she’d replied saying she’d be home at eight. I’d also called Haven and asked if I could spend a few days with them while I got myself sorted out.
    My heart was thundering in my chest. All the pieces were in place—I just needed to pull the trigger. I wasn’t sure if I’d be met with tears or anger. She’d been so unpredictable recently. Part of me thought that I was giving her the conclusion she was expecting, and that she would simply want me to leave. Then the other part of me feared for my man parts. I didn’t want to be Bobbitted.
    I’d packed a suitcase of things I’d need over the next few days, and I was just putting it behind the door in the spare room when I heard Emma’s keys in the lock. This was it. I had to say it quickly, get it out and then see where we went from there.
    I moved into the kitchen and pulled out two glasses from the cupboard. I’d bought a bottle of her favorite wine. Was that insensitive? Would she think I was going to propose? Shit, maybe I hadn’t thought this through. I didn’t know what the right thing was. I didn’t want her to be upset. I didn’t want her to hate me. I wanted her to see that although I loved her, I just didn’t want to marry her.
    “Hey,” she said softly as she came into the kitchen, taking off her coat. Her eyes went to the wine and the corners of her mouth twitched. Shit, she thought it was good news. Her eyes flicked to mine and she stilled. I passed her a glass of wine.
    “How was work?” I asked.
    “Fine. Someone threw up on me. You?”
    My stomach was churning and I was conscious of my bones, as if my nervousness had penetrated right to my skeleton. “Okay,” I said. She took her glass and collapsed on my sofa. I sat opposite her on the coffee table. I had to do this now, or I would lose my nerve. “I’ve thought about what you said.” Her eyes were a mixture of fear and excitement, her knuckles white with her grip on the glass. “I’ve thought of little else since you brought it up, and it’s not going to work out for us.” The churning in my stomach was near overwhelming as I searched her face for a reaction. She was very still. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
    “Do you need more time?” she asked in a quiet voice. It wasn’t what I’d expected her to say. “I mean, I shouldn’t have given you that deadline. If you’re not ready, I can give you more time.” Her words came more quickly and tears were forming in her eyes.
    I leaned forward and took her hand. “You were right to push me. I’d not thought about it, and I should have done. I should have understood how you felt about our future together and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” I’d been selfish. I’d wanted to freeze time and live in that exact moment for the rest of my life, because if that were possible then I didn’t have to lose anything or anyone.
    After my parents died, for months, I’d kept imagining the last time I’d seen them, the last time I’d hugged them, the last time I’d told them I loved them. I wanted to remember those moments as perfect. I did it so often that the pictures in my head had become distorted, and I couldn’t separate out what really happened from what I had invented. In my own life, I’d clung to everything around me, afraid to lose anything, not questioning whether or not I really wanted those things.
    It was time to grow up and move on.
    “And you don’t want to marry me?” she asked, her voice wobbling on the word “me”. Shit, how did I make this better?
    I took her hand and squeezed it. “I love you. You are amazing. You’re bright and kind and all the things any guy would be lucky to have in a wife.” Her tears spilled over and down her