cheeseburgers and fries, she starts laughing, and when I look up, she’s shaking her head at me.
“Hey, I told you not to judge me. It was the only thing that I knew for a fact you’d be okay with for dinner. I know how much you love the cheeseburgers and fries from your favorite diner in town. Every time we go there you order the same thing, so I figured what better meal to have than your favorite. If you want something else let me know.” I’m rambling and she is staring at me like I’ve grown another head. I had another purpose of bringing her here. I needed to butter up before I ask her to the annual police charity ball. I usually don’t go because that’s not my scene, but I really want to go this year since she’ll be on my arm. I want her to be able to get all dolled up and I want to show her off.
“Can we sit down and eat,” she asks and I pull her chair out from underneath the table and wait for her to start sitting down before I push it back in. I go over to the other side of the table and dig into my food. I’ve been so nervous about tonight I haven’t eaten all day. I know I sound like a chick, but I want to make her happy, she’s everything to me.
“So, Amy, I need to ask you a very important question. I love you, and I want to be with you, so I need to ask you something very important.”
“No, I’m not ready for marriage,” she interrupts me.
“Wait, what? That is so not what I was going to ask you, but it’s nice to know that you would tell me no.” I shoot her a wink and continue on, “What I wanted to ask you is, the policeman’s annual charity ball is coming up in about seven months and I would love nothing more than for you to go with me.”
I sit and wait for her reaction. I can tell by the look on her face that she’s relieved that I’m not proposing. She sits and thinks about it for a minute before she finally answers me.
“Lance, I would love to go with you. What girl wouldn’t want to get all dolled up in a fancy dress to go out with her man? I’m sorry about interrupting you earlier; I need to make sure you know that I’m nowhere near ready to get married. Honestly, I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt.”
I’m still kind of shocked that she’s been married before. She’s too young to have been married and divorced, but his loss is definitely my gain.
“Care to explain that one? I don’t know a lot about your marriage to him.”
She takes a deep breath and a drink of her beer. “Well, as you know, I tried for about three years to get pregnant and I couldn’t no matter what I tried. I married straight out of high school at the ripe old age of 18. We were high school sweethearts, and I always thought we’d be together forever. About a year into our marriage, we started trying to have a family. After about a year of trying and nothing was working, we went to the doctor. His sperm count was normal, but for whatever reason I still couldn’t conceive. We tried several rounds of IVF, and one took, but I miscarried shortly after. Nothing after that worked. On the day of our last appointment, we were told the IVF once again didn’t take, and I was devastated. We had used up all of the life insurance money that I was left after my parent’s death. Jeremy had gotten into a bad argument with someone on the phone after he went into is home office when we got home, and stormed out of the house. I decided to go for a drive around Nashville, and was gone probably close to four hours. When I came home, I found him in bed with my best friend. I had a decision to make, I could either be the pyscho wife or the calm one who left, so I packed my shit and left. About two months after I left he called. Turns out, my ex-husband and ex-best friend were pregnant. He finally got what he wanted, and I was stuck knowing it wasn’t me who could give it to him. After that, I came to the conclusion that no man could ever love me, especially if I couldn’t conceive, so I
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