Read Online Brisé by Leigh Ann Lunsford, Chelsea Kuhel - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Leigh Ann Lunsford, Chelsea Kuhel
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lucky; I had them in my life for seventeen years, but I can’t stop wondering why them? Why did you let me survive all those years, beat cancer, just to rip my life away in one brutal moment? Why couldn’t you have taken me all those years ago?
I beat my hands on the hardwood floors. The pain in my chest is crushing me, unrelenting, stabbing pain, and I want it all to go away. I don’t want to live with the memories, but I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to see happy pictures, but I would do anything to see their smiling faces one more time. I don’t want to remember their encouragement, but I never want to lose the faith they had in me. I try to stand, but my knees give out leaving me huddled on the floor. I know hours pass by, and I just lie there inhaling the fragrance left in the air, the last tangible thing I have of them. That’s how Luke finds me, battered and beaten down by the events of life this past week. I came to a fork in the road today, and I tripped over every fucking root in the ground and cannot pick myself up. So he does. Just like he promised, he picks me up and gives me his legs when I can’t walk, his air when I feel like mine is being choked out of me, and he pours all the strength he has into my feeble beating heart. He wraps his arms around me and gives me every ounce of his love. It seeps out of him, enveloping me in its warmth. His love creates a barrier from the outside forces I can’t bring myself to overcome. His love will heal me; it has to because nothing else is worth it. He is silent as he carries me to my room, never saying a word as he strips me and places me underneath my covers. He takes his place right beside me and holds me throughout the night. No words are spoken because the three he said to me last night, he just proved them. With his love, it’s worth it.
The next morning he is again reluctant to leave. “Luke, go. I promise I’ll be fine. No more yesterdays, only tomorrows.” I get teary saying that; it was one of my mom’s favorite quotes. I’m sure the watery eyes don’t convince him I won’t have another break down. Thing is, after yesterday’s ‘episode’ I feel better. Stronger actually.
“I can put it off another day or even next week.” He has made up his mind, and I have to change it.
“No, I’ll go to your house and sit with your mom. She can watch me like a hawk and call you if I am losing it.” I smile at him.
“You sure?” I don’t know if he isn’t ready to leave me, or if he’s truly worried.
“I’m positive.” He leads me to his house and gently kisses me before he heads to school to finish his exams. It will be late when he gets home, but I know I’ll be in his arms tonight. That kiss evoked a longing in me, and I realize he hasn’t touched me other than comforting me. He seems afraid it’s too much, but it isn’t. It’s exactly what I need. I can feel Mrs. Nichols watching every breath I take, and I know she’s worried about me. I’m worried about her, she was my mom’s best friend, and I know she is hurting as much as I am.
“Momma Nichols,” I call her to sit next to me. “It’s okay if you need to cry. I don’t need everyone to tiptoe around me. It hurts, I know, but we can be sad together.”
She hugs me to her. “Sad doesn’t begin to explain how I feel about losing Emily . . . fucking devastated sums it up.” Her voice is cracking, but I start laughing. A real laugh, not the ‘she’s going crazy’ laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Luke’s mom swear. Now my mom, it was a form of English to her.
“I never thought hearing a cuss word would soothe my soul the way that just did.” When she starts laughing and promises to throw them out daily, a small crack in my heart heals. I feel the blood flow back through and take my first deep breath. A new breath of life. The rest of the afternoon is spent with swear words and chick flicks. Shedding tears and breathing life into one another. I can
I beat my hands on the hardwood floors. The pain in my chest is crushing me, unrelenting, stabbing pain, and I want it all to go away. I don’t want to live with the memories, but I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to see happy pictures, but I would do anything to see their smiling faces one more time. I don’t want to remember their encouragement, but I never want to lose the faith they had in me. I try to stand, but my knees give out leaving me huddled on the floor. I know hours pass by, and I just lie there inhaling the fragrance left in the air, the last tangible thing I have of them. That’s how Luke finds me, battered and beaten down by the events of life this past week. I came to a fork in the road today, and I tripped over every fucking root in the ground and cannot pick myself up. So he does. Just like he promised, he picks me up and gives me his legs when I can’t walk, his air when I feel like mine is being choked out of me, and he pours all the strength he has into my feeble beating heart. He wraps his arms around me and gives me every ounce of his love. It seeps out of him, enveloping me in its warmth. His love creates a barrier from the outside forces I can’t bring myself to overcome. His love will heal me; it has to because nothing else is worth it. He is silent as he carries me to my room, never saying a word as he strips me and places me underneath my covers. He takes his place right beside me and holds me throughout the night. No words are spoken because the three he said to me last night, he just proved them. With his love, it’s worth it.
The next morning he is again reluctant to leave. “Luke, go. I promise I’ll be fine. No more yesterdays, only tomorrows.” I get teary saying that; it was one of my mom’s favorite quotes. I’m sure the watery eyes don’t convince him I won’t have another break down. Thing is, after yesterday’s ‘episode’ I feel better. Stronger actually.
“I can put it off another day or even next week.” He has made up his mind, and I have to change it.
“No, I’ll go to your house and sit with your mom. She can watch me like a hawk and call you if I am losing it.” I smile at him.
“You sure?” I don’t know if he isn’t ready to leave me, or if he’s truly worried.
“I’m positive.” He leads me to his house and gently kisses me before he heads to school to finish his exams. It will be late when he gets home, but I know I’ll be in his arms tonight. That kiss evoked a longing in me, and I realize he hasn’t touched me other than comforting me. He seems afraid it’s too much, but it isn’t. It’s exactly what I need. I can feel Mrs. Nichols watching every breath I take, and I know she’s worried about me. I’m worried about her, she was my mom’s best friend, and I know she is hurting as much as I am.
“Momma Nichols,” I call her to sit next to me. “It’s okay if you need to cry. I don’t need everyone to tiptoe around me. It hurts, I know, but we can be sad together.”
She hugs me to her. “Sad doesn’t begin to explain how I feel about losing Emily . . . fucking devastated sums it up.” Her voice is cracking, but I start laughing. A real laugh, not the ‘she’s going crazy’ laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Luke’s mom swear. Now my mom, it was a form of English to her.
“I never thought hearing a cuss word would soothe my soul the way that just did.” When she starts laughing and promises to throw them out daily, a small crack in my heart heals. I feel the blood flow back through and take my first deep breath. A new breath of life. The rest of the afternoon is spent with swear words and chick flicks. Shedding tears and breathing life into one another. I can
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