Read Online Brisé by Leigh Ann Lunsford, Chelsea Kuhel - Free Book Online

how to interchange her dream for mine, but I feel like I have to try. Luke swears he will be by my side, but I worry how this will affect his dreams, his goals for life. He makes it seem like his goal is to be with me, shelter me, and love me, but I don’t want him to let go of what he envisions for his life to make me happy. Luke and Phoebe are back, and we’ll be okay. I don’t have to make any decisions right now. I have until November to decide. Six months to make a decision that could change the entire course of my life. I deferred the invitation until I was eighteen. I want this to be my decision, and I want to be able to sign that contract if it’s what I choose. I never want to place that burden on anyone else.
    There are so many other tasks at hand to deal with, or rather, for Luke to deal with. He’s adamant that I don’t have to handle anything, this is what my parents wanted, and they ensured it with every detail they laid out in their will, and by making Luke guardian and conservatorship of the money they left. I know it’s substantial, and I won’t have to worry about things for a while . . . a long while. So, I decide not to worry or dwell on the future. Live for today, and love for always. He has spoken to his professors and is supposed to go down tomorrow and take all his exams so I sent him home to study. His hesitation at leaving me broke my heart. I know he needs to pass these tests and I explained to him I could use some down time. I want to walk around my home, the only house I remember growing up in and try and soak in as much of my parents, their strengths, their beliefs, as I can. I needed them now more than ever.
    I wander into their bedroom, standing there just taking it all in. I can smell my mom’s scent, barely lingering in the air from the body spray she used. It’s faint, and I know before long it will be gone. I shut the door, hoping to trap it but I know that’s irrational. All things in life fade, but for one more second I want to hold on to this. I want my mom back; I want to hear her clap for me when I complete a dance sequence. I want to hear her funny little quotes and sayings. I want my dad here. I want to see his stupid beanie he always wore, no matter the weather. He used to tell me, “It makes me look smart.” He didn’t need that fucking beanie, he was the smartest man I knew. Calm, gentle, and quiet. If he had something to say, it was important and you had better listen. My mom, on the other hand, always had something to say, so you had to read between the lines to get her message. I want to crawl into my dad’s lap like I had so many times over the years and hear him tell me it would be okay, assure me that this too will pass. But it won’t. I have this gaping hole I will live with the rest of my life and the entirety and finality hits me with a crushing blow.
    I break like I never have. No pretty tears, but sobs pulled from the pit of my stomach; so hard and wracking I can’t even catch my breath. I fucking hate God right now. I don’t even feel guilty about it. Why my parents? They were good people, they loved with everything they had, challenged and nurtured me. They were relevant in my life; they gave me life and fought for it. Our journey could have made them hardened and bitter, scared for what each day would bring, but it didn’t. Instead, they embraced every moment, every success, every set back, every damn day they embraced it. No more. They’re gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye, to tell them how much I fucking loved them. I could have held their hands, I could have told them how much they meant to me, how I’ll never forget them. Instead, I have to say it to air, to a grave marker, to my destroyed heart, and I have to pray to the God I am loathing that I don’t forget them. Their smiles, their sound, and the way they made me feel each and every day. I am so afraid the memories will start to fade, and I won’t have any pieces of them. I know I was