experience … Don’t turn round; but he’s watching us from behind that bush.
Chris Michael?
Gerry Pretend you don’t notice. Just carry on. This all his stuff?
Chris He’s making kites if you don’t mind.
Gerry Unbelievable. Got a glimpse of him down at the foot of the lane. He is just enormous.
Chris He’s at school, you know.
Gerry Never! Wow-wow-wow-wow. Since when?
Chris Since Christmas. Kate got him in early.
Gerry Fabulous. And he likes it?
Chris He doesn’t say much.
Gerry He loves it. He adores it. They all love schoolnowadays. And he’ll be brilliant at school. Actually I intended bringing him something small –
Chris No, no; his aunts have him –
Gerry Just a token, really. As a matter of interest I was looking at a bicycle in Kilkenny last Monday. But they only had it in blue and I thought black might be more – you know – manly. They took my name and all. Call next time I’m down there. Are you busy yourself?
Chris Oh, the usual – housework – looking after his lordship.
Gerry Wonderful.
Chris Give Agnes and Rose a hand at their knitting. The odd bit of sewing. Pity you don’t sell sewing-machines.
Gerry That’s an idea! Do the two jobs together! Make an absolute fortune. You have the most unbelievable business head, Chrissie. Never met anything like it.
She laughs.
What are you laughing at?
Maggie You should see the way she’s looking at him – you’d think he was the biggest toff in the world.
Kate Tinker, more likely! Loafer! Wastrel!
Maggie She knows all that, too.
Kate Too? That’s all there is.
Maggie Come over till you see them, Agnes.
Agnes Not just now.
Gerry You’d never guess what I met on the road out from the town. Talk about good luck! A cow with a single horn coming straight out of the middle of its forehead.
Chris You never did!
Gerry As God is my judge. Walking along by itself. Nobody near it.
Chris Gerry –
Gerry And just as I was passing it, it stopped and looked me straight in the eye.
Chris That was no cow you met – that was a unicorn.
Gerry Go ahead and mock. A unicorn has the body of a horse. This was a cow – a perfectly ordinary brown cow except that it had a single horn just here. Would I tell you a lie?
Chris laughs.
Go ahead. Laugh. But that’s what I saw. Wasn’t that a spot of good luck?
Chris Was it?
Gerry A cow with a single horn? Oh, yes, that must be a good omen. How many cows like that have you ever met?
Chris Thousands. Millions.
Gerry Stop that! I’m sure it’s the only one in Ireland; maybe the only one in the world. And I met it on the road to Ballybeg. And it winked at me.
Chris You never mentioned that.
Gerry What?
Chris That it winked at you.
Gerry Unbelievable. That’s what made it all so mysterious. Oh, yes, that must be a fabulous omen. Maybe this week I’m going to sell a gramophone or two after all.
Chris But I thought you –?
Gerry Look! A single magpie! That’s definitely a bad omen – one for sorrow. ( using his stick as a gun )Bang! Missed. ( mock serious )Where’s my lucky cow? Come back, brown cow, come back!
They both laugh.
Kate They’re not still talking, are they?
Maggie Laughing. She laughs all the time with him. D’you hear them, Aggie?
Agnes Yes.
Kate Laughing? Absolutely beyond my comprehension.
Agnes Like so many things, Kate.
Kate Two more minutes and Mr Evans is going to talk to me. Laughing? Hah!
Gerry Thinking of going away for a while, Chrissie.
Chris Where to?
Gerry But I’ll come back to say goodbye first.
Chris Are you going home to Wales?
Gerry Wales isn’t my home any more. My home is here – well, Ireland. To Spain – as a matter of interest. Just for a short while.
Chris To sell gramophones?
Gerry Good God, no! ( Laughs. )You’ll never believe this – to do a spot of fighting. With the International Brigade. A company leaves in a few weeks. Bit ridiculous, isn’t it? But you know old Gerry when the blood’s up – bang-bang-bang! –
Chris Michael?
Gerry Pretend you don’t notice. Just carry on. This all his stuff?
Chris He’s making kites if you don’t mind.
Gerry Unbelievable. Got a glimpse of him down at the foot of the lane. He is just enormous.
Chris He’s at school, you know.
Gerry Never! Wow-wow-wow-wow. Since when?
Chris Since Christmas. Kate got him in early.
Gerry Fabulous. And he likes it?
Chris He doesn’t say much.
Gerry He loves it. He adores it. They all love schoolnowadays. And he’ll be brilliant at school. Actually I intended bringing him something small –
Chris No, no; his aunts have him –
Gerry Just a token, really. As a matter of interest I was looking at a bicycle in Kilkenny last Monday. But they only had it in blue and I thought black might be more – you know – manly. They took my name and all. Call next time I’m down there. Are you busy yourself?
Chris Oh, the usual – housework – looking after his lordship.
Gerry Wonderful.
Chris Give Agnes and Rose a hand at their knitting. The odd bit of sewing. Pity you don’t sell sewing-machines.
Gerry That’s an idea! Do the two jobs together! Make an absolute fortune. You have the most unbelievable business head, Chrissie. Never met anything like it.
She laughs.
What are you laughing at?
Maggie You should see the way she’s looking at him – you’d think he was the biggest toff in the world.
Kate Tinker, more likely! Loafer! Wastrel!
Maggie She knows all that, too.
Kate Too? That’s all there is.
Maggie Come over till you see them, Agnes.
Agnes Not just now.
Gerry You’d never guess what I met on the road out from the town. Talk about good luck! A cow with a single horn coming straight out of the middle of its forehead.
Chris You never did!
Gerry As God is my judge. Walking along by itself. Nobody near it.
Chris Gerry –
Gerry And just as I was passing it, it stopped and looked me straight in the eye.
Chris That was no cow you met – that was a unicorn.
Gerry Go ahead and mock. A unicorn has the body of a horse. This was a cow – a perfectly ordinary brown cow except that it had a single horn just here. Would I tell you a lie?
Chris laughs.
Go ahead. Laugh. But that’s what I saw. Wasn’t that a spot of good luck?
Chris Was it?
Gerry A cow with a single horn? Oh, yes, that must be a good omen. How many cows like that have you ever met?
Chris Thousands. Millions.
Gerry Stop that! I’m sure it’s the only one in Ireland; maybe the only one in the world. And I met it on the road to Ballybeg. And it winked at me.
Chris You never mentioned that.
Gerry What?
Chris That it winked at you.
Gerry Unbelievable. That’s what made it all so mysterious. Oh, yes, that must be a fabulous omen. Maybe this week I’m going to sell a gramophone or two after all.
Chris But I thought you –?
Gerry Look! A single magpie! That’s definitely a bad omen – one for sorrow. ( using his stick as a gun )Bang! Missed. ( mock serious )Where’s my lucky cow? Come back, brown cow, come back!
They both laugh.
Kate They’re not still talking, are they?
Maggie Laughing. She laughs all the time with him. D’you hear them, Aggie?
Agnes Yes.
Kate Laughing? Absolutely beyond my comprehension.
Agnes Like so many things, Kate.
Kate Two more minutes and Mr Evans is going to talk to me. Laughing? Hah!
Gerry Thinking of going away for a while, Chrissie.
Chris Where to?
Gerry But I’ll come back to say goodbye first.
Chris Are you going home to Wales?
Gerry Wales isn’t my home any more. My home is here – well, Ireland. To Spain – as a matter of interest. Just for a short while.
Chris To sell gramophones?
Gerry Good God, no! ( Laughs. )You’ll never believe this – to do a spot of fighting. With the International Brigade. A company leaves in a few weeks. Bit ridiculous, isn’t it? But you know old Gerry when the blood’s up – bang-bang-bang! –
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