Read Online Breathless by Lurlene McDaniel - Free Book Online

last morphine shot Mom gave me has worn off. Dull fire is spreading through my body.
    I concentrate on my plan to make the hurting stop forever. It’s simple. When the weather warms up, Coop will drive me out to the lake very early one morning. Everyone knows how much I love the lake, so they’ll think nothing of our going. We’ll rent a canoe at the marina. He’ll paddle us out to the deep-water platform, a floating wooden pallet where kids like to hang out in the summer, sunbathing and swimming. We’ll be alone. I’ll send him to get something I left in the car. He’ll return to the shore, make certain he’s seen by people,and while he’s gone I’ll slide off the platform into the water. I’ll swim out as far as I can. And when I can no longer lift my arms, when my leg can no longer kick, I’ll slip beneath the surface and drown.
    That’s how I want to end my life, in the water alone, with sky above me, the deep below. And Cooper will be exonerated. An expediter, but a nonparticipant. With only me responsible for the final act. Simple. Just me and the water I love so much. No hospital, no machines, no lingering and waiting for cancer to end my life. My right to die. My life in my control.
    And no one will ever know the truth. Except Cooper.

Darla
    E
mily’s right. Travis is keeping something from me. I know because he’s my boyfriend. Because I know every inch of him inside and out, and he can’t keep a secret from me even if he thinks he can. I know because there’s a kind of peace about him I haven’t seen in a long time. He’s still in horrible pain, but there’s something inside him that’s different these days. I haven’t said anything to him, and he doesn’t know I suspect any change, but I know it’s there.
    We’re together every day, alone after his mother leaves and before Emily and his dad come home. I hold him against me when the pain comes. It soothes him to be in my arms. I kiss him, distract him. I love him with all my heart. I hatecancer and his doctors and sometimes even his mother. She’s always searching for new treatments that end up building, then dashing, hope.
    One afternoon I slip Emily a note to meet me in the school parking lot after the last bell. She’s waiting beside my car when I get there. “What’s up?” she asks.
    “I agree that Travis is holding something back. And I’m sure Cooper’s in on it.”
    “Any ideas?”
    “Not yet.”
    Emily looks disappointed. “Did you ask him?”
    “That’s not the way it works, Em. I can’t pry information out of him. He’s got to want to give it up.”
    She looks baffled, and I realize she’s got zero experience when it comes to guys. “Listen, I’ll work on Travis and you work on Cooper. He knows what’s going on too.”
    Her face reddens, and she glances in two directions as if we might be overheard. “Cooper! I hardly ever speak to him. Why would he tell me anything?”
    “You honestly don’t know that he likes you?” This surprises me.
    She stutters out, “No way,” and blushes bright red. Now I get it. She likes him too but can’t admit it.
    “He has a soft spot for you, Emily. I thought you knew.”
    She shakes her head. Denial.
    “Trust me. I know these things.” I put my hand on her shoulder, look her in the eye. “You’re going to have to get him to talk to you. Get him to open up and maybe tell you something that will help us figure out what’s going on.”
    “H-how do I do that?”
    “Start by spending time with him.”
    “Even when he comes over, he hardly talks to me.”
    “Then talk to him. Ask him to take you to the store or run an errand. It isn’t hard to get a guy who’s interested in you to spend time with you.”
    She looks flustered. “I—I don’t know. I study most afternoons in the library.”
    “How do you get home?”
    “Dad, usually.”
    “Well, duh. Ask Cooper to bring you home. I’m betting he’ll jump at the chance.”
    “What if he won’t?”
    I pat her arm.