said, âAll of them?â When Charlie nodded, Meat said, âWhatâll we do with, like, three hundred bagels?â
Charlie grinned. âQuestion is, what will they do with no bagels at breakfast time?â The smile vanished. âTake them.â
âWicked.â Meat laughed and shoved me at the door. I opened it, feet still heavy with sleep, wine making me powerless to resist Meatâs push. I stumbled forward, found my balance, and followed Meat to the doorway. All the time, I heard Binkyâs words, The pretty apples are the poisonous ones . But that was just something sheâd said because she was jealous. Smothering me, like Mom. I took another swig from the bottle I still held, somehow, reached for the bag. Heavier than it looked, its plastic caught in my fingers. I hefted it onto my back. Meat lifted his without effort. We walked to the truck. Meat hurled his bag into the cargo area, and I followed. I wondered what the storekeeper would doâfor a second. Charlie reached over the seat back, and we high-fived.
âGood job, men!â Charlie said, and St. John started the car like he already knew where we were going.
âWe def, we fly,â St. John was singing.
âWhat are you, a rapper?â Meat asked, and St. John clammed up.
Next stop was the park. St. John pulled beside the playground, and he, Charlie, and Meat left the car, slamming doors because there was no one to hear. I followed, slower.
âWe used to hang here as kids,â Meat explained as we pulled the bagel bags out the back door.
I thought of Binkyâs church, of swinging in the September humidity. But it was October, cooler.
âNow, we still party here,â St. John added.
We opened the bags. Charlie pulled out smaller bags holding sesame, garlic, and pumpernickel bagels. He threw them at us. I caught one. Salt. I hated salt. Still, I kept it. âOver there.â Charlie pointed to the playground. I stumbled across the patchy sand to the merry-go-round and sat. âLeave the wine in the car,â Charlie had said. Meat sat beside me, then St. John on my other side. When Charlie came, he shoved between St. John and me. Heâd hidden the big bagel bag in the back, then shut the tailgate. Were they as drunk as I was? Charlie wasnât, so I kept quiet, not wanting to sound stupid. In fact, we were all silent, eating our bagels, soft and gummy, still hot in the cool night. The hard salt punished my mouth, but I didnât care.
Charlie broke the silence. âKnow what makes me mad?â Without waiting for an answer, he said, âIf people, teachers, our parents, saw us tonight, theyâd say, âTheyâre just a bunch of kids.ââ
âWe are kids,â St. John said.
âSpeak for yourself,â Meat said. âMy parents are kids compared to me.â
St. John considered that. âWeâre old enough to drive,â he said. âOld enough to screw.â
I thought, briefly, of Amanda Colbert.
âOld enough to die,â Meat said.
âExactly.â Charlie bit a bagel and chewed it. We all waited, in case he had something else to say. He swallowed. âRemember those kids who shot up that school? Killed, like, fourteen people. All the jocks, people who gave them a hard time.â The merry-go-round swayed beneath us.
âThatâs screwed up,â St. John said.
âYeah,â Meat said. âWeird when stuff like that happens.â
Charlie said, âYeah. Mostly because itâs stuff you thought about doing yourself, taking charge like that. Taking control, making the bastards pay.â He pulled out a second bagel. âNot that any of us would do it for real, of course.â
ââCourse not,â St. John said. âBut everyone acts like you might.â
ââCause weâre young,â Meat said.
âWeâre shit,â St. John said.
âShit,â I echoed, because I
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