moment, I was afraid that Nate would ask me what
I meant, and if he did, I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I
didn’t talk about Malcolm. Ever.
I squeezed my eyes shut when I heard the passenger door
squeak open. In an hour, it would be dark, but the darkness
couldn’t come soon enough for me because it was so much easier
to hide.
BoysLikeYou.indd 69
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Juliana Ston e
I wanted to disappear. I wanted to melt into a puddle of
nothing and pretend that I hadn’t just opened my mouth and
said what I’d said.
Nate slid in beside me and I cranked the Foos, wincing when
Dave Grohl’s voice cut through the silence.
Why you’d have to go and let it die. Pretty much perfect song right about now.
I pretended that everything was fine and normal. I pretended
that I hadn’t just seen Trevor’s father rip Nate a new one. I
pretended that I hadn’t felt something when I’d looked into
Nate’s eyes.
But mostly I pretended that I hadn’t just opened up my
mouth and shared something with a boy I barely knew. At least your mistake didn’t die… Shit.
It was hard though— to act like everything was cool. To kinda
sorta smile through the lump that clogged my throat. But I did
it. I did it because I had to. Because I didn’t know how to be any other way.
How the hell had Nate managed to get that out of me when it had taken my therapist nearly five months to get me to say a single freaking word?
Maybe Nate hadn’t heard. Maybe my brain was so screwed
up that I thought I said something when, in fact, it was just the ghost of a whisper in my ear.
I turned the key all the way and revved Matlock a bit as I
glanced into the rearview mirror and then into the side mirror.
70
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11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
I looked everywhere but at the guy beside me, because inside, I
was counting. I was counting and trying like hell to focus.
One. Two. Three. Over and over again.
It was a good minute or so before I felt calm enough to glance
his way, but when I did, my heart nearly popped out of my chest.
His dark eyes were on me. And they knew. They knew. They knew something bad had happened. Something worse than bad.
Something unforgivable.
We stared at each other for a long time, so long that my eyes
began to burn and I was afraid I was going to cry.
Wow. That would be epic.
“I can’t talk about it,” I said, grateful that the lump in my
throat loosened.
Nate’s eyes never left mine, and I shivered when he spoke,
so soft and low that I don’t think I actually heard him— I think
that I read his lips. “Okay.”
A long shuddering breath escaped me, and I put the car
into gear.
“I don’t want to go home yet,” I said, staring ahead. My palms
were sweaty, and even though it was hot as sin, I was shivering.
“Just drive.”
I pulled out into the road and asked, “Where?”
Nate didn’t answer. He pointed when he wanted me to turn
right or left, and within ten minutes, we were on the outskirts
of town. I didn’t say anything because I honestly didn’t care
where we went as long as I didn’t have to go back to Twin Oaks
71
BoysLikeYou.indd 71
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Juliana Ston e
Plantation. I couldn’t explain the feeling that pressed into my
chest any more than I could explain the need to be with Nate.
And that’s what this was, wasn’t it? I didn’t want to be
alone. Not now. Not tonight. Already images and sounds were
crowding my brain, and it was all I could do to keep the stupid
car on the road.
I didn’t want to remember. Jesus, I didn’t want to go back there.
“Take this right,” Nate said, leaning closer as he gazed into
the distance.
The sun was starting to set over the trees that lined the road,
and for a moment, my eyes were blind as I navigated the turn.
When the sun disappeared momentarily, I noticed a huge sign
that looked like it was a hundred years old or something. Faded
letters spread across it, broken
I meant, and if he did, I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I
didn’t talk about Malcolm. Ever.
I squeezed my eyes shut when I heard the passenger door
squeak open. In an hour, it would be dark, but the darkness
couldn’t come soon enough for me because it was so much easier
to hide.
BoysLikeYou.indd 69
11/19/13 10:02 AM
Juliana Ston e
I wanted to disappear. I wanted to melt into a puddle of
nothing and pretend that I hadn’t just opened my mouth and
said what I’d said.
Nate slid in beside me and I cranked the Foos, wincing when
Dave Grohl’s voice cut through the silence.
Why you’d have to go and let it die. Pretty much perfect song right about now.
I pretended that everything was fine and normal. I pretended
that I hadn’t just seen Trevor’s father rip Nate a new one. I
pretended that I hadn’t felt something when I’d looked into
Nate’s eyes.
But mostly I pretended that I hadn’t just opened up my
mouth and shared something with a boy I barely knew. At least your mistake didn’t die… Shit.
It was hard though— to act like everything was cool. To kinda
sorta smile through the lump that clogged my throat. But I did
it. I did it because I had to. Because I didn’t know how to be any other way.
How the hell had Nate managed to get that out of me when it had taken my therapist nearly five months to get me to say a single freaking word?
Maybe Nate hadn’t heard. Maybe my brain was so screwed
up that I thought I said something when, in fact, it was just the ghost of a whisper in my ear.
I turned the key all the way and revved Matlock a bit as I
glanced into the rearview mirror and then into the side mirror.
70
BoysLikeYou.indd 70
11/19/13 10:02 AM
BOYS LIKE YOU
I looked everywhere but at the guy beside me, because inside, I
was counting. I was counting and trying like hell to focus.
One. Two. Three. Over and over again.
It was a good minute or so before I felt calm enough to glance
his way, but when I did, my heart nearly popped out of my chest.
His dark eyes were on me. And they knew. They knew. They knew something bad had happened. Something worse than bad.
Something unforgivable.
We stared at each other for a long time, so long that my eyes
began to burn and I was afraid I was going to cry.
Wow. That would be epic.
“I can’t talk about it,” I said, grateful that the lump in my
throat loosened.
Nate’s eyes never left mine, and I shivered when he spoke,
so soft and low that I don’t think I actually heard him— I think
that I read his lips. “Okay.”
A long shuddering breath escaped me, and I put the car
into gear.
“I don’t want to go home yet,” I said, staring ahead. My palms
were sweaty, and even though it was hot as sin, I was shivering.
“Just drive.”
I pulled out into the road and asked, “Where?”
Nate didn’t answer. He pointed when he wanted me to turn
right or left, and within ten minutes, we were on the outskirts
of town. I didn’t say anything because I honestly didn’t care
where we went as long as I didn’t have to go back to Twin Oaks
71
BoysLikeYou.indd 71
11/19/13 10:02 AM
Juliana Ston e
Plantation. I couldn’t explain the feeling that pressed into my
chest any more than I could explain the need to be with Nate.
And that’s what this was, wasn’t it? I didn’t want to be
alone. Not now. Not tonight. Already images and sounds were
crowding my brain, and it was all I could do to keep the stupid
car on the road.
I didn’t want to remember. Jesus, I didn’t want to go back there.
“Take this right,” Nate said, leaning closer as he gazed into
the distance.
The sun was starting to set over the trees that lined the road,
and for a moment, my eyes were blind as I navigated the turn.
When the sun disappeared momentarily, I noticed a huge sign
that looked like it was a hundred years old or something. Faded
letters spread across it, broken
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