people used to live here. Then, the British First Fleet came to visit the area and left. When they came back later, over half of the Guringai had died of smallpox. The survivors moved out of the area, and white settlers moved in."
"Where did the Guringai go?”
"They left Pittwater . I’m not sure exactly where the remaining people settled, but there are a lot of Aboriginal people who now live around this area and in Sydney. I'll take you to see some rock carvings and hand stencils. There’s a really rich history here – over 800 aboriginal sites just at the park."
I smiled at him. "You sound like a tour guide."
He laughed. "I’ve always loved it here. I used to come here when Melanie and I were having problems. One time, I asked her if she wanted to come here with me because she was curious about where I was spending my time when I wasn’t with her.” He shrugged. “When I brought her here, she said it was nice but wouldn't even get out of the car. She didn’t want to like anything that I did.”
"Was it difficult staying in the house after you split up?” I asked.
" No. By then, I felt lonelier when we were together than I did when I was by myself. When she left the house and moved back to Sydney, it was kind of a relief."
I nodded. “I’m sorry you went through all of that.”
He lay on his back with his ey es closed. I watched him for a moment, thinking about what his marriage to Melanie must have been like.
I’m in Australia having an affair . The thought floated into my mind quite naturally, and it suddenly made me feel insecure about us. I’d made love with this man, yet I hardly knew him. What if things didn’t work out between us, which they probably wouldn’t? Could I handle another emotional loss? It was entirely nonsensical that we were even dating one another. I tried to think of couples that I’d known who had survived a long-distance relationship. There weren’t any. It’s hard enough when people are in the same proximity.
Just then, I realized that my rational mind was trying to take over. I also realized that, if I allowed that to happen, I would kill whatever precious thing was occurring between Martin and me. I looked over at him, and he was watching me closely.
"What just happened?" he asked quietly.
Surprised that he’d noticed anything, I shook my head and looked out at the water before looking back at him. "I love how open and trusting you are.”
“But ?”
I felt embarrassed . “I have doubts. About us,” I confessed guiltily. “I mean, we’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks, and I’m falling in love with you. But I just don’t know….” I shook my head, not sure whether to feel angry with myself for having so many doubts or proud of myself for feeling so cautious.
Martin reached out his arm, and I lay down next to him hoping that he would help me to resolve my insecurities. He stared up at the sky. “It's easy to make love harder than it really is.”
I looked over at him . “Don't you have any doubts?"
"Sure I do,” he said, looking at me , “but not about being with you.” He paused. “The only thing I doubt is whether you'll choose to be with me."
" How can you be so sure that we're going to work?" I asked, feeling a little incredulous.
H e said calmly, "Because we want to."
I continued to struggle with all of the things that I've learned about love and relationships. Getting to know someone takes time. Years. Possibly a lifetime. Love and marriage are complicated and hard. It takes two people who are committed, and you really don't know if it's a good fit until you’ve been together through good times and bad. “It just goes against everything that I've come to believe about relationships. You know, that it takes a lot of time and effort to get to know one another, and, even then, it doesn’t always work.”
Martin said, "I think the reason it takes so much time to figure it out for some people is because they're not honest with
"Where did the Guringai go?”
"They left Pittwater . I’m not sure exactly where the remaining people settled, but there are a lot of Aboriginal people who now live around this area and in Sydney. I'll take you to see some rock carvings and hand stencils. There’s a really rich history here – over 800 aboriginal sites just at the park."
I smiled at him. "You sound like a tour guide."
He laughed. "I’ve always loved it here. I used to come here when Melanie and I were having problems. One time, I asked her if she wanted to come here with me because she was curious about where I was spending my time when I wasn’t with her.” He shrugged. “When I brought her here, she said it was nice but wouldn't even get out of the car. She didn’t want to like anything that I did.”
"Was it difficult staying in the house after you split up?” I asked.
" No. By then, I felt lonelier when we were together than I did when I was by myself. When she left the house and moved back to Sydney, it was kind of a relief."
I nodded. “I’m sorry you went through all of that.”
He lay on his back with his ey es closed. I watched him for a moment, thinking about what his marriage to Melanie must have been like.
I’m in Australia having an affair . The thought floated into my mind quite naturally, and it suddenly made me feel insecure about us. I’d made love with this man, yet I hardly knew him. What if things didn’t work out between us, which they probably wouldn’t? Could I handle another emotional loss? It was entirely nonsensical that we were even dating one another. I tried to think of couples that I’d known who had survived a long-distance relationship. There weren’t any. It’s hard enough when people are in the same proximity.
Just then, I realized that my rational mind was trying to take over. I also realized that, if I allowed that to happen, I would kill whatever precious thing was occurring between Martin and me. I looked over at him, and he was watching me closely.
"What just happened?" he asked quietly.
Surprised that he’d noticed anything, I shook my head and looked out at the water before looking back at him. "I love how open and trusting you are.”
“But ?”
I felt embarrassed . “I have doubts. About us,” I confessed guiltily. “I mean, we’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks, and I’m falling in love with you. But I just don’t know….” I shook my head, not sure whether to feel angry with myself for having so many doubts or proud of myself for feeling so cautious.
Martin reached out his arm, and I lay down next to him hoping that he would help me to resolve my insecurities. He stared up at the sky. “It's easy to make love harder than it really is.”
I looked over at him . “Don't you have any doubts?"
"Sure I do,” he said, looking at me , “but not about being with you.” He paused. “The only thing I doubt is whether you'll choose to be with me."
" How can you be so sure that we're going to work?" I asked, feeling a little incredulous.
H e said calmly, "Because we want to."
I continued to struggle with all of the things that I've learned about love and relationships. Getting to know someone takes time. Years. Possibly a lifetime. Love and marriage are complicated and hard. It takes two people who are committed, and you really don't know if it's a good fit until you’ve been together through good times and bad. “It just goes against everything that I've come to believe about relationships. You know, that it takes a lot of time and effort to get to know one another, and, even then, it doesn’t always work.”
Martin said, "I think the reason it takes so much time to figure it out for some people is because they're not honest with
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