Read Online Bloodsucking fiends: a love story by Christopher Moore - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Christopher Moore
Tags: Humor, Love Story
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if I asked you if you were a girl?"
Tommy hung his head. "You're right. Sorry. But how would you feel if five Chinese women asked you to marry them? Things like that don't happen in Indiana. I can't even go back to my room."
"I can't either," she said.
"Why not?"
"Give me a minute to think, okay?"
She didn't want to go back to the motel on Van Ness again. The vampire knew she had been there. But he'd probably know even if she moved.
"Tommy, we need to get you a motel room."
"Jody, I'm getting mixed messages here."
"No, don't take it wrong. I don't want to send you back to that room with the Wongs. I think we should get you a room."
"I told you, I don't get paid -"
"My treat. It'll be an advance on your new job as my assistant."
Tommy sat down on the sidewalk and stared up at the lighted shaft of Coit Tower. He thought, I have no idea what I am supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do. First she wants me for my body, then she wants me as an employee, then she doesn't want me at all. I don't know whether I'm supposed to kiss her or fill out an application. I feel like one of those nervous little dogs from an electroshock test. Here's a bone, Spot. Zap! You didn't really want that, did you?
He said, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do."
"Okay," Jody said. "Thanks." She bent and kissed him on the forehead.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, she thought. If we go to a motel and go to bed together, then he'll have to go to work, and when he comes back in the morning he'll come back to the room, open the door, and the sunlight will hit me. Bursting into flames is no way to impress someone on the first date. Separate rooms is the only way to go. He's going to get fed up and leave me like all the rest.
"Tommy, can you go get your stuff tomorrow?"
"Whatever you say."
"I can't explain now, but I might be in a little trouble and I have a lot of things to do. I need you to do a lot of things for me tomorrow. Can you do that after working all night?"
"Whatever you say," he said.
"I'm going to get you a room at my motel. I won't be around until tomorrow night. I'll meet you at the motel office at sunset. When you come back to the room in the morning, the papers for my car will be on the bed, okay?"
"Whatever you say." Tommy looked dazed. He stared into his lap.
"I'll give you money for an apartment. Try to find a place that's furnished. And no windows in the bedroom. Try to keep it under two thousand a month."
Tommy didn't look up. "Whatever you say."
I've taken over his mind, she thought. It's just like in the movies, when the vampire can control people's actions. I don't want that. I don't want to force him with my will. It's not fair. He was helpless enough, but now I've turned him into a zombie. I want help, but I don't want this. I wonder if there's enough of his mind left even to function, or if I've ruined him.
"Tommy," she said sternly, "I want you to climb to the top of the tower and jump off."
He looked up. "Are you out of your mind?"
She threw her arms around him, kissed him, and said, "Oh, I'm so glad I didn't turn you into a vegetable."
"I'll give you time," he said.
Jody stood outside the four-story apartment building on Chestnut, watching and listening. There were no lights on in Kurt's apartment. Already it had become Kurt's apartment, not hers, not theirs. The moment she asked Tommy out, she had transferred whatever dreams and delusions she attached to being a couple to Tommy. It was always that way for her. She didn't like to be alone.
She and Tommy had walked Telegraph Park talking about their past lives and avoiding the subject of a singular, future life until it was time for Tommy to go to work. Jody had called a cab from a pay phone and dropped Tommy off at the store with a kiss and a promise. "I'll see you tomorrow night."
It was only when she got out of the cab at the motel that she realized that the registration and pink slip for her car were still at Kurt's.
Why didn't I take a
Tommy hung his head. "You're right. Sorry. But how would you feel if five Chinese women asked you to marry them? Things like that don't happen in Indiana. I can't even go back to my room."
"I can't either," she said.
"Why not?"
"Give me a minute to think, okay?"
She didn't want to go back to the motel on Van Ness again. The vampire knew she had been there. But he'd probably know even if she moved.
"Tommy, we need to get you a motel room."
"Jody, I'm getting mixed messages here."
"No, don't take it wrong. I don't want to send you back to that room with the Wongs. I think we should get you a room."
"I told you, I don't get paid -"
"My treat. It'll be an advance on your new job as my assistant."
Tommy sat down on the sidewalk and stared up at the lighted shaft of Coit Tower. He thought, I have no idea what I am supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do. First she wants me for my body, then she wants me as an employee, then she doesn't want me at all. I don't know whether I'm supposed to kiss her or fill out an application. I feel like one of those nervous little dogs from an electroshock test. Here's a bone, Spot. Zap! You didn't really want that, did you?
He said, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do."
"Okay," Jody said. "Thanks." She bent and kissed him on the forehead.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, she thought. If we go to a motel and go to bed together, then he'll have to go to work, and when he comes back in the morning he'll come back to the room, open the door, and the sunlight will hit me. Bursting into flames is no way to impress someone on the first date. Separate rooms is the only way to go. He's going to get fed up and leave me like all the rest.
"Tommy, can you go get your stuff tomorrow?"
"Whatever you say."
"I can't explain now, but I might be in a little trouble and I have a lot of things to do. I need you to do a lot of things for me tomorrow. Can you do that after working all night?"
"Whatever you say," he said.
"I'm going to get you a room at my motel. I won't be around until tomorrow night. I'll meet you at the motel office at sunset. When you come back to the room in the morning, the papers for my car will be on the bed, okay?"
"Whatever you say." Tommy looked dazed. He stared into his lap.
"I'll give you money for an apartment. Try to find a place that's furnished. And no windows in the bedroom. Try to keep it under two thousand a month."
Tommy didn't look up. "Whatever you say."
I've taken over his mind, she thought. It's just like in the movies, when the vampire can control people's actions. I don't want that. I don't want to force him with my will. It's not fair. He was helpless enough, but now I've turned him into a zombie. I want help, but I don't want this. I wonder if there's enough of his mind left even to function, or if I've ruined him.
"Tommy," she said sternly, "I want you to climb to the top of the tower and jump off."
He looked up. "Are you out of your mind?"
She threw her arms around him, kissed him, and said, "Oh, I'm so glad I didn't turn you into a vegetable."
"I'll give you time," he said.
Jody stood outside the four-story apartment building on Chestnut, watching and listening. There were no lights on in Kurt's apartment. Already it had become Kurt's apartment, not hers, not theirs. The moment she asked Tommy out, she had transferred whatever dreams and delusions she attached to being a couple to Tommy. It was always that way for her. She didn't like to be alone.
She and Tommy had walked Telegraph Park talking about their past lives and avoiding the subject of a singular, future life until it was time for Tommy to go to work. Jody had called a cab from a pay phone and dropped Tommy off at the store with a kiss and a promise. "I'll see you tomorrow night."
It was only when she got out of the cab at the motel that she realized that the registration and pink slip for her car were still at Kurt's.
Why didn't I take a
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