Read Online Bloodsucking fiends: a love story by Christopher Moore - Free Book Online
Authors: Christopher Moore
Tags: Humor, Love Story
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together."
Frederick appeared at the table. "Well, I can see things are going along just swimmingly between you two."
"Check, please," Jody said.
"Right away." Frederick headed back into the cafe in a bit of a snit.
Tommy said, "You're going to break my heart, aren't you?"
"Irreparably. Would you like to go for a walk?"
"Sure, I guess."
Frederick returned to the table with the check wallet. Jody pulled a wad of cash out of her backpack and handed him a hundred-dollar bill. As Tommy started to protest, standing to dig money out of his jeans pocket, Jody picked up her soup spoon and brandished it threateningly. "I'll get this." Tommy sat back down. To Frederick, Jody said, "Keep the change."
"Oh, you are too generous," Frederick gushed. He started backing away from the table in a half-bow.
"And, Frederick," Jody added, "Batman is far more over-accessorized than I am."
"I'm sorry you heard that," Frederick said. "An overdeveloped sense of fashion will be my downfall." He looked at Tommy. "You're right, she's going to break your heart."
"Have you seen Coit Tower?" she asked as they walked.
"From a distance."
"Let's go there. It's all lit up at night."
They walked for a while without talking. Jody walked on the inside and dealt with the barkers with a shake of her head and a wave of dismissal. To one barker she said, "Thanks, but we're going to put on our own show."
Tommy coughed and tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. He looked at her as if she'd just announced the Second Coming.
"I have to go to work at midnight," he said.
"You'll have to keep an eye on the time, then."
"Right. I will."
I can't believe I'm being this aggressive, Jody thought. I hear myself say these things and it's as if they're coming out of someone else's mouth. And he just agrees. I'd have become a tramp a long time ago if I'd known what a great sense of control it gives you.
They passed two tall women with enormous breasts and impossibly narrow hips unloading wigs, wads of sequins, and a boa constrictor from the back of a rusted-out Toyota. Shift change at the strip joints, Jody thought.
Tommy was riveted. Jody watched the heat rise in his face, just as it had when she caught him staring at her own breasts.
He's so open, like a little kid, Jody thought. A cute little neurotic kid. I was lucky to find him. Lucky, considering everything that has happened.
They turned on Kearny and Jody said, "So what do you think about my offer?"
"It sounds okay, if you're sure. But I won't get my first pay-check for a couple of weeks."
"Money isn't a problem. I'll pay."
"No, I couldn't…"
"Look Tommy, I meant it when I said I need your help. I'm busy all day. You will have to find the place and rent it. And I have a lot of other things that you'll have to do. For one, my car is in impound and someone has to get it out during the day. If it would make you feel better, I can pay you so you'll have the money."
"Is that why you asked me if I had my days free in the parking lot last night?"
"Yes."
"So it could have been anyone who worked the right hours?"
"Your buddy works the right hours, and I didn't ask him. No, I thought you were cute."
"I can't deal with that."
He walked along looking straight ahead, saying nothing. They had passed into a neighborhood of apartment houses with security bars on the windows and electric locks on the doors. Ahead, Jody saw waves of red heat signatures coming out of one dark doorway. They were too hot for one person and too cool to be a lightbulb. She focused and could hear men whispering. She suddenly remembered the phone call: " You're not immortal. You can still be killed ."
"Let's cross the street, Tommy."
"Why?"
"Just come on." She grabbed his jacket and yanked him into the street. When they were on the opposite sidewalk, Tommy stopped and looked at her as if she had just hit him on the head with a spoon.
"What was that all about?"
She waved for him to be quiet. "Listen."
Someone behind them was
Frederick appeared at the table. "Well, I can see things are going along just swimmingly between you two."
"Check, please," Jody said.
"Right away." Frederick headed back into the cafe in a bit of a snit.
Tommy said, "You're going to break my heart, aren't you?"
"Irreparably. Would you like to go for a walk?"
"Sure, I guess."
Frederick returned to the table with the check wallet. Jody pulled a wad of cash out of her backpack and handed him a hundred-dollar bill. As Tommy started to protest, standing to dig money out of his jeans pocket, Jody picked up her soup spoon and brandished it threateningly. "I'll get this." Tommy sat back down. To Frederick, Jody said, "Keep the change."
"Oh, you are too generous," Frederick gushed. He started backing away from the table in a half-bow.
"And, Frederick," Jody added, "Batman is far more over-accessorized than I am."
"I'm sorry you heard that," Frederick said. "An overdeveloped sense of fashion will be my downfall." He looked at Tommy. "You're right, she's going to break your heart."
"Have you seen Coit Tower?" she asked as they walked.
"From a distance."
"Let's go there. It's all lit up at night."
They walked for a while without talking. Jody walked on the inside and dealt with the barkers with a shake of her head and a wave of dismissal. To one barker she said, "Thanks, but we're going to put on our own show."
Tommy coughed and tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. He looked at her as if she'd just announced the Second Coming.
"I have to go to work at midnight," he said.
"You'll have to keep an eye on the time, then."
"Right. I will."
I can't believe I'm being this aggressive, Jody thought. I hear myself say these things and it's as if they're coming out of someone else's mouth. And he just agrees. I'd have become a tramp a long time ago if I'd known what a great sense of control it gives you.
They passed two tall women with enormous breasts and impossibly narrow hips unloading wigs, wads of sequins, and a boa constrictor from the back of a rusted-out Toyota. Shift change at the strip joints, Jody thought.
Tommy was riveted. Jody watched the heat rise in his face, just as it had when she caught him staring at her own breasts.
He's so open, like a little kid, Jody thought. A cute little neurotic kid. I was lucky to find him. Lucky, considering everything that has happened.
They turned on Kearny and Jody said, "So what do you think about my offer?"
"It sounds okay, if you're sure. But I won't get my first pay-check for a couple of weeks."
"Money isn't a problem. I'll pay."
"No, I couldn't…"
"Look Tommy, I meant it when I said I need your help. I'm busy all day. You will have to find the place and rent it. And I have a lot of other things that you'll have to do. For one, my car is in impound and someone has to get it out during the day. If it would make you feel better, I can pay you so you'll have the money."
"Is that why you asked me if I had my days free in the parking lot last night?"
"Yes."
"So it could have been anyone who worked the right hours?"
"Your buddy works the right hours, and I didn't ask him. No, I thought you were cute."
"I can't deal with that."
He walked along looking straight ahead, saying nothing. They had passed into a neighborhood of apartment houses with security bars on the windows and electric locks on the doors. Ahead, Jody saw waves of red heat signatures coming out of one dark doorway. They were too hot for one person and too cool to be a lightbulb. She focused and could hear men whispering. She suddenly remembered the phone call: " You're not immortal. You can still be killed ."
"Let's cross the street, Tommy."
"Why?"
"Just come on." She grabbed his jacket and yanked him into the street. When they were on the opposite sidewalk, Tommy stopped and looked at her as if she had just hit him on the head with a spoon.
"What was that all about?"
She waved for him to be quiet. "Listen."
Someone behind them was
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