Read Online Beyond Deserving by Sandra Scofield - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Sandra Scofield
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arrogant with little people.
For years and years it has been Ursulaâs job to make recommendations about the disposition of human lives. Remove this child from this bad motherâs custody. Place this one in a foster home. Choose these adoptive parents over these. Prosecute this abuser, and not this one. She tries to think the best of people (or not to have expectations), tries to forget them as soon as she files a case. Some stay with you, but most do not. A judge should certainly have had simliar experience, but the one who sentenced Fish said, âWe could grant some levity to the young person who lacks judgment, but a man in his forties constitutes a threat to his community when he ignores its basic rules of property and decency.â Property was the key word. They give suspended sentences for DUI manslaughter, for sodomy with children, but property! Ursula can still remember the helpless rage that poured through her. It was a scalding, inside. The judge hated Fish for having lived this long without buying in. He gave Katie a loathing look too; maybe he wished he could send her away with him. It was all no more and no less than Fish expected. He said that in Nam he had expected neither to live nor to die, and hadnât he been right about that?
Katie didnât ask Ursulaâs opinions at times she might have. She did not for example ask when she took her baby to Texas and gave her away. Ursula knows what she would have said. Give her to us. Weâre family. She has waked up many nights, grieving for that baby, as if it were dead, but she has never told Katie. She hasnât even told Michael. Well, Ursula has long ago forgiven Katie (knowing it isnât even her right to do so); Katie has no business with a child, and had the sense to know it. If only more young mothers made the same decision, early. Fewer infants would get underfed, left alone at night, fried in skillets, not that Katie would ever have done any of those things. There is still a tiny wedge between Katie and Ursula. Katie looking for approval. Ursula declining. Katie said this was the first time since she met Fish that he was gone and she wasnât looking at the door ten times a day to see if he would come back to her. It had cleared her head. There was peace in the certainty. But it was temporary. She had to decide.
And Katie has a new boyfriend, at her age.
Ursula doesnât think Fish knows. He has things to learn. He thinks the world in general is peopled by creeps, but he expects the best from his family. His wife. He has been living downstairs a couple of weeks, working most of that time. As soon as Ursula mentioned that he was home, her supervisor, Angela, said she was going to ask him to work on her house, a wonderful old Victorian above the boulevard. The idea made Ursula nervous. She did not want to end up with her supervisor angry at her brother-in-law. She warned Angela that although Fishâs work was an artisanâs, he was undependable. She recalled aloud the time he built them a fence but not the gate, and then didnât finish it for three years. (Michael wouldnât do it, either, it wasnât his project.) Angela, hearing all about the fence, didnât flinch. âDo you know what itâs like, finding somebody you know will love your house because it is beautiful?â She gently chided Ursula. âI wonât blame you, I promise. Itâs my decision. My gamble, if you will. I wonât say a word to you.â It went well enough. Fish has started a new project now, unrelated to Ursula. She can relax.
Fish says Katie needs time to wind up whatever she was into while he was gone. He didnât expect her to sit around the whole while. Ursula thinks it all bravado, and she aches for him. Fish is in jeopardy. There is no good resolution in the offing. The elder Fisher marriage is no model, and the Ursula-Michael union Katie dismisses as good luck. She has no idea how strong some
For years and years it has been Ursulaâs job to make recommendations about the disposition of human lives. Remove this child from this bad motherâs custody. Place this one in a foster home. Choose these adoptive parents over these. Prosecute this abuser, and not this one. She tries to think the best of people (or not to have expectations), tries to forget them as soon as she files a case. Some stay with you, but most do not. A judge should certainly have had simliar experience, but the one who sentenced Fish said, âWe could grant some levity to the young person who lacks judgment, but a man in his forties constitutes a threat to his community when he ignores its basic rules of property and decency.â Property was the key word. They give suspended sentences for DUI manslaughter, for sodomy with children, but property! Ursula can still remember the helpless rage that poured through her. It was a scalding, inside. The judge hated Fish for having lived this long without buying in. He gave Katie a loathing look too; maybe he wished he could send her away with him. It was all no more and no less than Fish expected. He said that in Nam he had expected neither to live nor to die, and hadnât he been right about that?
Katie didnât ask Ursulaâs opinions at times she might have. She did not for example ask when she took her baby to Texas and gave her away. Ursula knows what she would have said. Give her to us. Weâre family. She has waked up many nights, grieving for that baby, as if it were dead, but she has never told Katie. She hasnât even told Michael. Well, Ursula has long ago forgiven Katie (knowing it isnât even her right to do so); Katie has no business with a child, and had the sense to know it. If only more young mothers made the same decision, early. Fewer infants would get underfed, left alone at night, fried in skillets, not that Katie would ever have done any of those things. There is still a tiny wedge between Katie and Ursula. Katie looking for approval. Ursula declining. Katie said this was the first time since she met Fish that he was gone and she wasnât looking at the door ten times a day to see if he would come back to her. It had cleared her head. There was peace in the certainty. But it was temporary. She had to decide.
And Katie has a new boyfriend, at her age.
Ursula doesnât think Fish knows. He has things to learn. He thinks the world in general is peopled by creeps, but he expects the best from his family. His wife. He has been living downstairs a couple of weeks, working most of that time. As soon as Ursula mentioned that he was home, her supervisor, Angela, said she was going to ask him to work on her house, a wonderful old Victorian above the boulevard. The idea made Ursula nervous. She did not want to end up with her supervisor angry at her brother-in-law. She warned Angela that although Fishâs work was an artisanâs, he was undependable. She recalled aloud the time he built them a fence but not the gate, and then didnât finish it for three years. (Michael wouldnât do it, either, it wasnât his project.) Angela, hearing all about the fence, didnât flinch. âDo you know what itâs like, finding somebody you know will love your house because it is beautiful?â She gently chided Ursula. âI wonât blame you, I promise. Itâs my decision. My gamble, if you will. I wonât say a word to you.â It went well enough. Fish has started a new project now, unrelated to Ursula. She can relax.
Fish says Katie needs time to wind up whatever she was into while he was gone. He didnât expect her to sit around the whole while. Ursula thinks it all bravado, and she aches for him. Fish is in jeopardy. There is no good resolution in the offing. The elder Fisher marriage is no model, and the Ursula-Michael union Katie dismisses as good luck. She has no idea how strong some
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