did he wonder what would happen if my dream of becoming a track star would come true. Then when it did, it no longer mattered because his dream had also materialized and his was more important.
As I reflected on my feelings in the white room, I came to the conclusion that it was no one’s fault but my own that I had remained here. Similar to Catherine, the main character in the story I had just read, I had made the fateful decisions that had emotionally imprisoned me. I had chosen to place Ray’s dreams in front of my own and then I had added another layer when I had chosen to place Granny in front of Ray.
Things were slowly beginning to fall back into my sad song of Ray putting everyone else ahead of me. But to be fair, he was up to his ears in music. With the band’s song climbing higher and higher to the top of the charts, he and the boys had gained more exposure than ever before and the label was taking full advantage of that. Every possession that was given to them earlier was now expected to be paid back tenfold. He had no time to be worried about the state of our relationship.
Every time I’d call he would be busy recording or in a meeting. It seemed like a decade had passed since the last time we had just sat and talked about nothing on the phone. Every conversation lately had been about his latest single that I couldn’t stand listening to because it drove me crazy. I hated the song now that the tabloids were dubbing it our pre-breakup song—obviously concluding I was not worth the wait.
I consoled myself by reasoning that the faster he did his work there, the sooner he could come home to me. Once he returned, his insipid lyrics would no longer matter. They were just a snapshot of a moment in time when he had decided to reflect on his feelings. They would mean nothing when he returned to my arms. The lease to that mansion was up in June and I anxiously waited for Ray to return.
My phone rang. His ears must have been burning with my thoughts of him because it was Ray. I stared at the caller I.D. as it continued to ring. I desperately wanted to give him a dose of his own medicine and forward his call to voicemail but I missed his carefree voice. Giving in, I answered on the fourth ring.
“Hey Sid, happy birthday,” he cooed
I smiled because he remembered and thanked him.
There was an awkward pause.
“How’s your granny?”
His sensitivity shocked me. Ray never cared to ask about my granny’s condition. In fact he resented the fact that she was still alive and breathing. I suddenly began to believe he really was trying to change. Maybe he hadn’t strayed so far from the man he used to be. Maybe there was still a chance to salvage our broken relationship. Maybe there was still hope for us.
“She’s the same. There hasn’t been much of a change with her,” I answered.
“I really wanted to make my way up there but you know how it’s been, crazy busy. We have a show to do at one of the local clubs in Hollywood tonight so there was just no way I could sneak away.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe I can use that credit card Rene gave me and fly you down here for the night.”
The invitation sounded forced. As much as I wanted to jump at his offer, it didn’t sound sincere.
Besides, the last memory I had of that mansion was of him and Lilly. One happy couple. If I was going down there, it would be to burn his mattress with Lilly on it.
“As fun as that sounds, I’ve already made plans with Chrissy. She already bought an outfit and everything, so I’m pretty much committed.”
We both laughed, thinking of Chrissy and her shallow ways. “You better watch out, Sid, I’m sure she’ll try to pair you up with a doctor if you’re not careful,” he said with a tiny bit of seriousness.
“I’d never trade my hot musician boyfriend for some pretentious doctor. Unless I had cancer or something. Then I might consider it, being that he might be able to save my life and all,” I joked back.
We
As I reflected on my feelings in the white room, I came to the conclusion that it was no one’s fault but my own that I had remained here. Similar to Catherine, the main character in the story I had just read, I had made the fateful decisions that had emotionally imprisoned me. I had chosen to place Ray’s dreams in front of my own and then I had added another layer when I had chosen to place Granny in front of Ray.
Things were slowly beginning to fall back into my sad song of Ray putting everyone else ahead of me. But to be fair, he was up to his ears in music. With the band’s song climbing higher and higher to the top of the charts, he and the boys had gained more exposure than ever before and the label was taking full advantage of that. Every possession that was given to them earlier was now expected to be paid back tenfold. He had no time to be worried about the state of our relationship.
Every time I’d call he would be busy recording or in a meeting. It seemed like a decade had passed since the last time we had just sat and talked about nothing on the phone. Every conversation lately had been about his latest single that I couldn’t stand listening to because it drove me crazy. I hated the song now that the tabloids were dubbing it our pre-breakup song—obviously concluding I was not worth the wait.
I consoled myself by reasoning that the faster he did his work there, the sooner he could come home to me. Once he returned, his insipid lyrics would no longer matter. They were just a snapshot of a moment in time when he had decided to reflect on his feelings. They would mean nothing when he returned to my arms. The lease to that mansion was up in June and I anxiously waited for Ray to return.
My phone rang. His ears must have been burning with my thoughts of him because it was Ray. I stared at the caller I.D. as it continued to ring. I desperately wanted to give him a dose of his own medicine and forward his call to voicemail but I missed his carefree voice. Giving in, I answered on the fourth ring.
“Hey Sid, happy birthday,” he cooed
I smiled because he remembered and thanked him.
There was an awkward pause.
“How’s your granny?”
His sensitivity shocked me. Ray never cared to ask about my granny’s condition. In fact he resented the fact that she was still alive and breathing. I suddenly began to believe he really was trying to change. Maybe he hadn’t strayed so far from the man he used to be. Maybe there was still a chance to salvage our broken relationship. Maybe there was still hope for us.
“She’s the same. There hasn’t been much of a change with her,” I answered.
“I really wanted to make my way up there but you know how it’s been, crazy busy. We have a show to do at one of the local clubs in Hollywood tonight so there was just no way I could sneak away.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe I can use that credit card Rene gave me and fly you down here for the night.”
The invitation sounded forced. As much as I wanted to jump at his offer, it didn’t sound sincere.
Besides, the last memory I had of that mansion was of him and Lilly. One happy couple. If I was going down there, it would be to burn his mattress with Lilly on it.
“As fun as that sounds, I’ve already made plans with Chrissy. She already bought an outfit and everything, so I’m pretty much committed.”
We both laughed, thinking of Chrissy and her shallow ways. “You better watch out, Sid, I’m sure she’ll try to pair you up with a doctor if you’re not careful,” he said with a tiny bit of seriousness.
“I’d never trade my hot musician boyfriend for some pretentious doctor. Unless I had cancer or something. Then I might consider it, being that he might be able to save my life and all,” I joked back.
We
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