Read Online bedeviled & beyond 06.5 - bedeviled & bah humbug by sam cheever - Free Book Online
Authors: sam cheever
Tags: paranormal romance, holiday romance, christmas story, science fiction romance angels & devils, fantasy & futuristic romance, Anthologies and Collections
Ads: Link
about Santa’s disappearance?”
The rotund woman turned to me, her dark eyes still sparkling. Each soft cheek was rouged in red, though I suspected it was natural rather than cosmetic. She shook her head. Her curly, brown hair was touched with gray. “He’s just gone off planet for a while, dear. I told Ralphy that, but he’s a black sled type of elf, Ralphy is. He sees conspiracy in everything.”
“Does Santa go off planet a lot?”
She shrugged her round shoulders, grinning. “Not every year but sometimes. When things aren’t going well in the workshop or he’s having elf troubles.” Her laughter shook her well rounded belly and set her massive boobs to jiggling. “He’s a big bear of a man, Mx. Phelps, and he overcomes an incredible amount of diversity every year to get his gifts distributed to the world, but occasionally he gets overwhelmed. And this year the Elves have been particularly troublesome. They’re demanding less work for more pay...that kind of thing. Santa keeps reminding them that they only work half the year as it is and that they live at the Workshop all year for nothing.” She shook her head. “But they’ve got a bug up their butts and won’t let it go.”
“Even if it ruins Christmas?”
“They think they have Santa over a barrel.”
I dropped my butt into the chair in front of Santa’s desk and reached for a thickly frosted sugar cookie. “Is there something different about this time? Why is Ralphy so sure Santa was kidnapped?”
Mx. Claus flipped sausage shaped fingers into the air dismissively. “Ralphy’s a worrier. Santa neglected to take his extra red suit with him this time, that’s all.”
I bit the head off my frosted reindeer and chewed thoughtfully. “Did he take anything else?” I figured if he was kidnapped he wouldn’t have taken clothing or supplies with him.
The first niggle of doubt trickled through her merry gaze. She grabbed a cookie and started to nibble. Thus the jolly figure. Apparently she was a stress eater.
I figured there was probably a lot of stress dealing with a flash mob dressed in pointed hats and curly shoes every day.
“No. He didn’t. But he’s perfectly capable of finding supplies on the road.”
Which reminded me. “How does he travel when he goes off planet...generally?”
“He takes one of the sleds of course. One of the smaller ones. That way he only needs to take two reindeer. He’s sensitive to tiring them out just before Christmas.”
“So two reindeer are missing, I presume?”
She shoved another cookie into her mouth and said, “Bnotsch eggaxkwy.”
I frowned. “Huh?”
Mx. Claus swallowed and swiped a thick fingertip across her crumb covered lips. “Not exactly, no.”
I just stared at her and she stared back. After a moment her bottom lip started to quiver and her eyes began to leak.
I started to panic.
Oh good Him! Not tears! I didn’t do tears and emotionally wrecked very well. In fact I totally sucked at the “there, there” thing. I was completely not compassionate. Which probably explained why I’d bludgeoned her with questions until she’d started blubbering in the first place.
I stood up and went over to pat a well-padded shoulder. “I’ll find him, Mx. Claus. Don’t cry.”
She sniffled and sobbed anew, causing me to cast my gaze hopefully toward the door. If I broke into a full out run maybe I could make it through the door and out of Santa’s workshop before the stubby legged flash mob could catch me.
I was formulating a detailed plan of escape when the door opened and Bob the randy elf stuck his head in the door. “Rudolph’s back.”
I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew an exit line when I heard it. I gave Mx. Claus another ineffectual pat on a pudgy limb and hightailed it to the door, moving as fast as my skin tight, bell-kneed pants stuffed with giant panties could take me.
CHAPTER 2
According to Bob, Rudolph had been sent out to search for Santa shortly
The rotund woman turned to me, her dark eyes still sparkling. Each soft cheek was rouged in red, though I suspected it was natural rather than cosmetic. She shook her head. Her curly, brown hair was touched with gray. “He’s just gone off planet for a while, dear. I told Ralphy that, but he’s a black sled type of elf, Ralphy is. He sees conspiracy in everything.”
“Does Santa go off planet a lot?”
She shrugged her round shoulders, grinning. “Not every year but sometimes. When things aren’t going well in the workshop or he’s having elf troubles.” Her laughter shook her well rounded belly and set her massive boobs to jiggling. “He’s a big bear of a man, Mx. Phelps, and he overcomes an incredible amount of diversity every year to get his gifts distributed to the world, but occasionally he gets overwhelmed. And this year the Elves have been particularly troublesome. They’re demanding less work for more pay...that kind of thing. Santa keeps reminding them that they only work half the year as it is and that they live at the Workshop all year for nothing.” She shook her head. “But they’ve got a bug up their butts and won’t let it go.”
“Even if it ruins Christmas?”
“They think they have Santa over a barrel.”
I dropped my butt into the chair in front of Santa’s desk and reached for a thickly frosted sugar cookie. “Is there something different about this time? Why is Ralphy so sure Santa was kidnapped?”
Mx. Claus flipped sausage shaped fingers into the air dismissively. “Ralphy’s a worrier. Santa neglected to take his extra red suit with him this time, that’s all.”
I bit the head off my frosted reindeer and chewed thoughtfully. “Did he take anything else?” I figured if he was kidnapped he wouldn’t have taken clothing or supplies with him.
The first niggle of doubt trickled through her merry gaze. She grabbed a cookie and started to nibble. Thus the jolly figure. Apparently she was a stress eater.
I figured there was probably a lot of stress dealing with a flash mob dressed in pointed hats and curly shoes every day.
“No. He didn’t. But he’s perfectly capable of finding supplies on the road.”
Which reminded me. “How does he travel when he goes off planet...generally?”
“He takes one of the sleds of course. One of the smaller ones. That way he only needs to take two reindeer. He’s sensitive to tiring them out just before Christmas.”
“So two reindeer are missing, I presume?”
She shoved another cookie into her mouth and said, “Bnotsch eggaxkwy.”
I frowned. “Huh?”
Mx. Claus swallowed and swiped a thick fingertip across her crumb covered lips. “Not exactly, no.”
I just stared at her and she stared back. After a moment her bottom lip started to quiver and her eyes began to leak.
I started to panic.
Oh good Him! Not tears! I didn’t do tears and emotionally wrecked very well. In fact I totally sucked at the “there, there” thing. I was completely not compassionate. Which probably explained why I’d bludgeoned her with questions until she’d started blubbering in the first place.
I stood up and went over to pat a well-padded shoulder. “I’ll find him, Mx. Claus. Don’t cry.”
She sniffled and sobbed anew, causing me to cast my gaze hopefully toward the door. If I broke into a full out run maybe I could make it through the door and out of Santa’s workshop before the stubby legged flash mob could catch me.
I was formulating a detailed plan of escape when the door opened and Bob the randy elf stuck his head in the door. “Rudolph’s back.”
I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew an exit line when I heard it. I gave Mx. Claus another ineffectual pat on a pudgy limb and hightailed it to the door, moving as fast as my skin tight, bell-kneed pants stuffed with giant panties could take me.
CHAPTER 2
According to Bob, Rudolph had been sent out to search for Santa shortly
Similar Books
