Read Online Becoming Ellen by Shari Shattuck - Free Book Online

entirely.
    Temerity was nodding. “Exactly.”
    Ellen was terrified. What did this mean? But even stronger than her own fear of being asked to participate was her mortification that she might have hurt Rupert’s feelings. His was a fragile soul. “I didn’t know,” she said lamely.
    â€œWell . . .” Temerity brightened and slid to her feet with a small jump. “Now you do. Okay, time to find out what we can about Lydia’s mom. We’ll deal with the Rupert situation later. Let’s go spying!”
    Spying was good. There was no interaction in spying. The very idea of being present without being known calmed Ellen. She went to get her coat.
    Still, the whole walk to the hospital, which was only a few blocks away, Ellen was jittery and uncomfortable. It felt like she had swallowed a large egg that had hatched and something reptilian was thrashing around in her stomach, trying to crawl out.
Rupert had asked her to a movie. A movie. Rupert. A grown man had asked her to do something. Out.
No, no matter how hard she tried, she could find no way to still the squirming, many-tentacled sea creature that had nested in her gut. There just wasn’t any place to put it, or the confusion that it introduced.
    When they went through the hospital’s lobby to the guard station, the woman with a braid thicker than Temerity’s arm said hello to Temerity and told her to go on through. Temerity had become familiar to most of the security staff when she came in with Ellen so often during her rehabilitation. Ellen had tried hard to stay invisible, but it had been next to impossible with so many visits and sign-ins. The exposure to doctors and staff had been a nightmare for Ellen, and even now she winced and placed her left hand against the side of her face. For the thousandth time, she was startled to find it smooth.
    They first went to the waiting area outside ICU, but after about twenty minutes they had not seen or heard anything useful. The sea beast was now doing flip-flops in her gut so Ellen proposed a trip to the cafeteria to feed it, since that usually helped. Temerity agreed, and they made their way back to the first floor.
    They chose snacks and sat at a table by the window. Then Temerity reviewed their situation.
    â€œAll right, all we have is a last name, Carson. I’m assuming that she and Lydia share a last name.”
    â€œI’ll bet they do,” Ellen said. “They didn’t look to me like there was a father, if you know what I mean.” She wasn’t sure if Temerity would, but Ellen had spent so many years watching and observing people that she had learned to draw certain conclusions. Ninety percent of the kids she had crossed paths with in the foster system had never even known their fathers, and no father had appeared at the hospital, so it wasn’t too far-fetched to assume that Lydia Carson shared her mom’s last name.
    â€œAnd we know that she had a spinal injury. What we need,” Temerity said after a brief, thoughtful break, “is a patient list.”
    â€œUh, that’s confidential?” Ellen suggested, but hesitantly, since Temerity seldom paid much attention to that sort of thing.
    â€œOr
is
it?” the blind girl said. Her mouth curled into a sly smile. “I have a very cunning plan.”
    Ellen was familiar with Temerity’s plans, and the cunning part usually involved her, Ellen, doing something far outside her comfort zone. She ate faster, hurrying to finish her tuna pasta salad.
    Temerity stood up. “Dr. Amanda Bendon, please,” she said to Ellen, as if giving an address to a cabdriver.
    Her office, Ellen knew how to find. She’d spent too much time in that tiny space, where Amanda had allowed her to wait so that she could avoid the waiting room and its smattering of people. Many of the interning doctors had small offices, not much bigger than the broom closet where Ellen enjoyed so much fine