Read Online Be Shot For Six Pence by Michael Gilbert - Free Book Online Page B

not afraid of him,” I said. “If you think I ought to go, of course I will. Only, for various reasons, I think I’ll not mention my real name.”
    “A new name. That’s fun. What shall we christen you?”
    I was devoid of inspiration.
    “According to your natal sign, it should be Mr. Fish.”
    I drew the line at Fish. We compromised with Waters.
    Major Piper had his office above a wine store. A faded board outside still showed the Sailing Ship which was the Corps Sign of the formation that had occupied Carinthia in 1945. Below it the letters A.M.G.O.T. had been painted out and ‘H.M. Consular Agent’ substituted; above it an arrow pointed down the passage. At the end of the passage a second arrow pointed us up the stairs.
    The office of the local representative of H.M. Government was in two parts. In the outer part, at a table, sat a lady. Her hair was blonde, her proportions were generous, and she was asleep. Even in her sleep she managed to preserve a certain calm dignity.
    We paused, irresolute.
    Fortunately at that moment the old fashioned telephone at her desk rang.
    She woke up and went into action without any appreciable intermission. I have seen cats wake like that, but never human beings.
    “Hullo. Mitzi here. Yes.” Then to us, “Please sit down,” and to the telephone, “He is very busy now, could you possibly make it later?”
    The telephone sounded irritated.
    “But certainly he is busy,” said the girl. “Poor man, he was up all last night.” Here the telephone evidently made an unkind suggestion. Mitzi said: “Certainly not. He was working,” and rang off sharply.
    “I’m sorry he’s busy,” said Lisa. “Perhaps we had better come back later.”
    “Only busy to that pig,” said Mitzi. “I will tell him. What name?”
    “This is Mr. Waters – an Englishman.”
    “I deduced it from his clothes,” said Mitzi, and disappeared into the inner office. The partition was thin and it was clear that she was now waking up Major Piper. Presently she beckoned us in.
    The Major was a small, spare figure of a man. He could hardly, I thought, have been less than sixty. His flattened nose and broad, squashed face gave him the look of one of those peculiar Tasmanian mammals whose name I can never remember. His cheeks were rosy with interrupted sleep.
    “Ah, hullo Lisa,” he said. “Nice to see you. And you, Waters. We don’t see many tourists here. Not enough attractions, you know.”
    “I have rarely seen a town I liked so much at first sight,” I said, and meant it.
    “Not really. You mean that? Well, I must say, I’m fond of it myself. I’ve been here ten years. A bit sleepy, perhaps. It wasn’t like that when I first came here. I was in A.M.G.O.T. Plenty of life then.”
    “To tell you the truth,” I said. “I hadn’t realised that the eastern boundary of our zone ever ran so far beyond Volkermarkt.”
    “I don’t believe it was meant to be here,” admitted the Major. “Result of a mistake – like the rest of the British Empire. I’m told it was a second Lieutenant in the 17/21st who couldn’t read a map. No cavalry man ever can read a map. He was sent out to make contact with his Russian opposite number. Went to quite the wrong place. Finished up here. Of course, things were very fluid just at that time, with the Russos steamrollering in from Hungary, and the Yugos coming up from the south, and the Eighth Army popping in from Italy three days ahead of schedule. Very off-putting for the politicians. Everything had to be decided on the spot in those days.”
    He sighed wistfully.
    “You must be almost the furthest east of any neutral territory,” I said.
    “That’s it,” he said. “An outpost.” The idea seemed to please him. “Of course, the real chap who matters here is the Soviet Trade Counsellor. Name of Palantrev. You won’t meet him. No one ever does. For years I didn’t believe he existed, and then one evening I ran across him at a cocktail party. Funny