Read Online Bad Bridesmaid by Portia MacIntosh - Free Book Online
Authors: Portia MacIntosh
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happen?
***
Perhaps it has something to do with the water – the way it reflects on the walls and the gentle sounds it makes as it laps against the sides of the pool when there aren’t any noisy children splashing around in it – or the fact that jetlag is still screwing with me a little, but it wasn’t long after I sat back down by the pool when I fell asleep. So much for getting some work done before the adults get back… oh my God, the kids!
I jump up from my seat and dash into the games room, only to find Josh and Max exactly as I left them, their eyes still glued to the screen as Samuel L. Jackson finishes delivering that epic speech from the final scene of the movie.
“And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”
The boys, who are not even aware I have re-entered the room, both blink at the screen, their facial expressions giving nothing away. I wonder if they have even spoken to one another during the film.
‘So, what do you think?’ I ask them as the credits roll.
‘That was
so
cool,’ Josh enthuses.
‘I didn’t want it to end,’ Max adds.
‘Well, there’s plenty more where that came from,’ I tell them, proud to have introduced them to a cinematic genius. ‘Just don’t tell your parents.’
‘When can we watch another?’ Josh asks excitedly. ‘Do you think you can make everyone go out again tomorrow? What are we watching next?’
‘Hold your horses,’ I chuckle. ‘I’ll do my best.’
Right on cue I hear the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I quickly remove Pulp Fiction from the DVD player and put it back on the shelf, just as Auntie June walks in.
‘Did everyone behave?’ she asks, not wasting a second on pleasantries.
‘Of course,’ I reply. ‘They’re little angels.’
‘I was talking to them,’ my auntie informs me.
I roll my eyes at my auntie as Tarantino’s two newest fans nod their heads.
I grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge and take a swig, safe in the knowledge I have passed myself off as a capable babysitter.
‘Wait a second,’ my auntie starts, puzzled. ‘Why are you two in your underpants?’
Caught off guard, I spray the big gulp of water I had taken out of my mouth. I cough and splutter for a moment (much to the amusement of Josh and Max) before trying to explain.
‘It’s not what it looks like,’ I start, but my auntie cuts me off.
‘What
does
it look like?’
I hesitate for a moment.
‘I don’t know, but the boys wanted to swim and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me going in your room to find shorts.’
My auntie looks at the boys for confirmation and they dutifully nod. I think my auntie is picking up on the fact that we are all behaving very shiftily, but that’s only because I let the boys watch a movie with an ‘eighteen’ rating, not because I held an impromptu orgy and decided my ten-year-old cousin and his mate could attend if they adhered to the dress code.
Auntie June sniffs her son suspiciously.
‘You two, go and shower,’ she instructs them, having obviously smelt the unmistakable whiff of chlorine on their skin, even though they’re dry because they’ve been watching the movie for the past few hours.
‘You’re welcome,’ I say victoriously. I may not have wanted to babysit today but I successfully kept the boys alive – something no one thought for a second that I could do, and yet they still left them with me. Never underestimate the lure of chips.
My auntie follows the boys back upstairs, eyeballing me cautiously as she leaves the room.
I don’t waste my time wondering why June hates me these days, she just does and I’m weirdly OK with it. You would think I’d be distraught by the fact that pretty much every member of my family doesn’t really like me but I’m OK with that too. I have a few theories going, most of which involve me being born to a sexy celebrity couple and ending up getting swapped in the hospital, but I made peace with them emotionally exiling me
***
Perhaps it has something to do with the water – the way it reflects on the walls and the gentle sounds it makes as it laps against the sides of the pool when there aren’t any noisy children splashing around in it – or the fact that jetlag is still screwing with me a little, but it wasn’t long after I sat back down by the pool when I fell asleep. So much for getting some work done before the adults get back… oh my God, the kids!
I jump up from my seat and dash into the games room, only to find Josh and Max exactly as I left them, their eyes still glued to the screen as Samuel L. Jackson finishes delivering that epic speech from the final scene of the movie.
“And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”
The boys, who are not even aware I have re-entered the room, both blink at the screen, their facial expressions giving nothing away. I wonder if they have even spoken to one another during the film.
‘So, what do you think?’ I ask them as the credits roll.
‘That was
so
cool,’ Josh enthuses.
‘I didn’t want it to end,’ Max adds.
‘Well, there’s plenty more where that came from,’ I tell them, proud to have introduced them to a cinematic genius. ‘Just don’t tell your parents.’
‘When can we watch another?’ Josh asks excitedly. ‘Do you think you can make everyone go out again tomorrow? What are we watching next?’
‘Hold your horses,’ I chuckle. ‘I’ll do my best.’
Right on cue I hear the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I quickly remove Pulp Fiction from the DVD player and put it back on the shelf, just as Auntie June walks in.
‘Did everyone behave?’ she asks, not wasting a second on pleasantries.
‘Of course,’ I reply. ‘They’re little angels.’
‘I was talking to them,’ my auntie informs me.
I roll my eyes at my auntie as Tarantino’s two newest fans nod their heads.
I grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge and take a swig, safe in the knowledge I have passed myself off as a capable babysitter.
‘Wait a second,’ my auntie starts, puzzled. ‘Why are you two in your underpants?’
Caught off guard, I spray the big gulp of water I had taken out of my mouth. I cough and splutter for a moment (much to the amusement of Josh and Max) before trying to explain.
‘It’s not what it looks like,’ I start, but my auntie cuts me off.
‘What
does
it look like?’
I hesitate for a moment.
‘I don’t know, but the boys wanted to swim and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me going in your room to find shorts.’
My auntie looks at the boys for confirmation and they dutifully nod. I think my auntie is picking up on the fact that we are all behaving very shiftily, but that’s only because I let the boys watch a movie with an ‘eighteen’ rating, not because I held an impromptu orgy and decided my ten-year-old cousin and his mate could attend if they adhered to the dress code.
Auntie June sniffs her son suspiciously.
‘You two, go and shower,’ she instructs them, having obviously smelt the unmistakable whiff of chlorine on their skin, even though they’re dry because they’ve been watching the movie for the past few hours.
‘You’re welcome,’ I say victoriously. I may not have wanted to babysit today but I successfully kept the boys alive – something no one thought for a second that I could do, and yet they still left them with me. Never underestimate the lure of chips.
My auntie follows the boys back upstairs, eyeballing me cautiously as she leaves the room.
I don’t waste my time wondering why June hates me these days, she just does and I’m weirdly OK with it. You would think I’d be distraught by the fact that pretty much every member of my family doesn’t really like me but I’m OK with that too. I have a few theories going, most of which involve me being born to a sexy celebrity couple and ending up getting swapped in the hospital, but I made peace with them emotionally exiling me
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