for?
âIt helps egg quality.
âHow come Iâm only hearing about it now?
âThere have been three studies in the past year.
âIs testosterone something the clinic offers their patients?
âWe decide patient by patient. I know you like to see the evidence so I didnât think youâd want the testosterone. Thereâs not enough evidence yet.
âWell, what else is there?
âGrowth hormoneâbut I wouldnât offer you that because it does have links to cancer.
âSo we wouldnât do anything different?
âNo.
On Day 1 of my next period I called the nurses. I was told to come in that morning for a blood test. On other occasions Iâd done my initial bloods on Day 2 and so I asked if there was a reason why I needed to come in on Day 1. The nurse said, âWe can always go forward but we canât go back.â That afternoon I received a call.
âBad news, Iâm afraid. Doctor has looked at the results and wants to cancel the cycle. High FSH.
âThatâs unusual, that hasnât happened before.
âIt hasnât been looked at before.
âYes it has, I did a frozen cycle. How high was my FSH?
â13.
âAnd how high was it when I did the frozen cycle? Please check the file.
â11.
âWhy did we take the bloods on Day 1? Maybe the FSH will go down by Day 2. Is it OK if I come in and test again on Day 2?
âYes, come in.
My Day 2 FSH result dropped to 11.7. The doctorânot Dr. Nell but another doctor who was covering for her while she was awayâdecided the level was still too high and the cycle had to be canceled. When I asked the nurse about why my FSH might have been high she said, simply, âItâs cyclical, doctor said wait until next month.â When I got off the phone I cried. I had a great fear that I was too old, that my FSH would remain too high. The process was forever throwing up new ways to be disappointed that I hadnât even dreamt existed. The constant uncertainty took a toll.
In expectation of proceeding with the cycle Iâd canceled a work trip. There were so many opportunities I turned down in the course of my treatment.
One afternoon I struck up a conversation with a mendacious cab driver. He said, âI have seven sons, age 2 to 14. Iâm 74. My wife is 62. She had the first four compulsory and then three voluntary because she wanted a girl. Yes, she was 60! I can drive you to my place and show you her passport! I drive this cab and do all the cooking and cleaning. I sleep four hours. I feel young. To be honest, itâs not her I love, itâs the kids.â
November 2013. I felt a small sense of pride when the nurse told me this monthâs levels were goodâFSH down to 7.7, estrogen 202âas if somehow I had worked hard to deserve this merit. This is the start of an amazing journey . I blazed with hope. I was injecting 300 IU of Gonal-f each night. My breasts became extremely sensitive. Once again I was bloated and labile. When I put my travel card into the ticket machine on the bus I felt as if I were inserting my own fingers. I cut everything outâcoffee, dairy, sugar, alcohol (that was hard). Each day I drank an alkalizerjuice from the health food store. I kept up my iodine-folate and multivitamin and added fish oil. All the small rituals. After my scanâwhich looked promisingâthe kind nurse said, âHope you get some in the freezer.â That was my wish: to do a fresh transfer with one embryo and have others âleft overâ to freeze. Dr. Nell was away again on the day of my egg collection so it fell to a new doctor Iâd never seen before to explain that in fact I wouldnât be able to do a fresh transfer that month, as planned. My last blood test had shown an unexpectedly high level of progesterone, a hormone produced by the ovary that plays a decisive factor in maintaining pregnancies.
âYour progesterone is at 6 so we
âIt helps egg quality.
âHow come Iâm only hearing about it now?
âThere have been three studies in the past year.
âIs testosterone something the clinic offers their patients?
âWe decide patient by patient. I know you like to see the evidence so I didnât think youâd want the testosterone. Thereâs not enough evidence yet.
âWell, what else is there?
âGrowth hormoneâbut I wouldnât offer you that because it does have links to cancer.
âSo we wouldnât do anything different?
âNo.
On Day 1 of my next period I called the nurses. I was told to come in that morning for a blood test. On other occasions Iâd done my initial bloods on Day 2 and so I asked if there was a reason why I needed to come in on Day 1. The nurse said, âWe can always go forward but we canât go back.â That afternoon I received a call.
âBad news, Iâm afraid. Doctor has looked at the results and wants to cancel the cycle. High FSH.
âThatâs unusual, that hasnât happened before.
âIt hasnât been looked at before.
âYes it has, I did a frozen cycle. How high was my FSH?
â13.
âAnd how high was it when I did the frozen cycle? Please check the file.
â11.
âWhy did we take the bloods on Day 1? Maybe the FSH will go down by Day 2. Is it OK if I come in and test again on Day 2?
âYes, come in.
My Day 2 FSH result dropped to 11.7. The doctorânot Dr. Nell but another doctor who was covering for her while she was awayâdecided the level was still too high and the cycle had to be canceled. When I asked the nurse about why my FSH might have been high she said, simply, âItâs cyclical, doctor said wait until next month.â When I got off the phone I cried. I had a great fear that I was too old, that my FSH would remain too high. The process was forever throwing up new ways to be disappointed that I hadnât even dreamt existed. The constant uncertainty took a toll.
In expectation of proceeding with the cycle Iâd canceled a work trip. There were so many opportunities I turned down in the course of my treatment.
One afternoon I struck up a conversation with a mendacious cab driver. He said, âI have seven sons, age 2 to 14. Iâm 74. My wife is 62. She had the first four compulsory and then three voluntary because she wanted a girl. Yes, she was 60! I can drive you to my place and show you her passport! I drive this cab and do all the cooking and cleaning. I sleep four hours. I feel young. To be honest, itâs not her I love, itâs the kids.â
November 2013. I felt a small sense of pride when the nurse told me this monthâs levels were goodâFSH down to 7.7, estrogen 202âas if somehow I had worked hard to deserve this merit. This is the start of an amazing journey . I blazed with hope. I was injecting 300 IU of Gonal-f each night. My breasts became extremely sensitive. Once again I was bloated and labile. When I put my travel card into the ticket machine on the bus I felt as if I were inserting my own fingers. I cut everything outâcoffee, dairy, sugar, alcohol (that was hard). Each day I drank an alkalizerjuice from the health food store. I kept up my iodine-folate and multivitamin and added fish oil. All the small rituals. After my scanâwhich looked promisingâthe kind nurse said, âHope you get some in the freezer.â That was my wish: to do a fresh transfer with one embryo and have others âleft overâ to freeze. Dr. Nell was away again on the day of my egg collection so it fell to a new doctor Iâd never seen before to explain that in fact I wouldnât be able to do a fresh transfer that month, as planned. My last blood test had shown an unexpectedly high level of progesterone, a hormone produced by the ovary that plays a decisive factor in maintaining pregnancies.
âYour progesterone is at 6 so we
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