I didnt think I was strong enough to slit my wrists. Maybe I could just lie out here and hope I would die of exposure. The temperature had dropped quickly, and even though it was only the middle of September, it was only in the upper 40s. I was shivering violently as I knelt in the middle of my back yard in the pouring rain with lightning flashing and thunder crashing all around me.
I dont know how long I had been sitting there when a voice penetrated my dark reverie. Killian! I got the impression it wasnt the first time it had called my name.
Before I could even raise my head, someone was at my side. I looked up through the rain pouring down my face and couldnt believe my eyes. It was Asher!
What are you doing here? I asked. My voice was thick from crying.
I came to see how you were doing, but I can see for myself. Obviously, not well. Come on. You have to come inside. Its freezing out here, and youre soaked. When I didnt move he picked me up and carried me inside. I let him. I was past putting up a fight.
We came back in through the sliding glass doors just as Mom came into the room.
Oh my God, she gasped when she saw us, What happened?
I guess we did look pretty bad. I was soaked to the bone from the torrential downpour, and Asher had gotten pretty wet, too, even in just the few minutes that he was out there. At least Asher was wearing a jacket, although I was pretty sure the black suede would be ruined. He came the rest of the way in and lowered me to the couch before turning back to my mother.
60
Bleeding Hearts
Hes okay physically, but hes really upset. I found him in the backyard, he said. He needs to get into some dry clothes, though.
My mom stood, staring at me with one hand over her mouth. After what seemed like forever she still hadnt responded, so Asher said, Mrs. Kendall?
She looked at him as if shed just noticed him for the first time, Oh, Asher, could you leave us alone for just a minute. Dont leave; I think Ill need your help. I just need a few minutes alone...
Okay, Ill go get some towels, he said after she had faded out, and he left the room.
Mom walked slowly to my side and knelt on the floor.
She reached out a trembling hand and smoothed back the wet hair that was plastered to my forehead.
Baby, what were you doing out there? she said, almost in a whisper.
I turned my head so I didnt have to look into her eyes. I wanted to die, I whispered back.
Her hand on my arm began to tremble and she began to cry softly.
Oh, God! Killian, Im so sorry, she cried. She reached up and turned my face towards her. Baby, I dont care if you are gay or...or...whatever. I love you with all my heart and that will never change. I think Ive always known you were different. And thats not a bad thing, its just...its going to take some adjustment on my part. I dont know anything about being gay, but Ill learn. I love you.
We were both crying by now, and I rolled onto my side and hugged her tightly, ignoring the pain that I still felt in my stomach. My adventure outside didnt seem to have helped much.
I love you, too, I told her through my tears. I think this was the first time wed ever said those words to each other.
61
JOSH ATEROVIS
You need to get out of those wet clothes, she said, pulling away. I was reluctant to let go. Asher? she called out.
He was there in a moment so he must have been waiting around the corner so as not to disturb us. He had taken off his jacket, and his long-sleeved shirt under-neath was still dry, so that meant that only his pants were still damp. He looked as if hed dried off a bit already himself. His curly hair, even darker when wet, was standing out in tufts.
Mom took the towels and handed them to me. Can you help Killian upstairs to his room so he can change?
she asked Asher.
Of course, Mrs. Kendall, he said. They both helped me up and Asher put
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