of lipstick.
Unleashed Gluttony
I T IS NO WONDER we have an obesity epidemic in this country. Instead of trying to assuage the hunger of their souls with something meaningful and significant, people seem to choose to satisfy it with extra-large Diet Cokes, sugary doughnuts, greasy hamburgers, potato chips, and anything else that gives instant gratification and temporary fulfillment. Nowhere is this more apparent than on an airplane where you a have a cross section of society.
F LIGHT ATTENDANT: Hello, can I get you a beverage?
P ASSENGER: Yes, Iâll have a can of tomato juice, a bottle of water, and two cups of coffee with cream and sugar.
F LIGHT ATTENDANT: Are you ordering for the whole row?
P ASSENGER: No, thatâs just for me. . . . Iâm kind of thirsty.
F LIGHT ATTENDANT: I guess. Anything else?
P ASSENGER: Yeah, now that you mention it, Iâll have a can of apple juice for later.
In addition to the rampant gluttony, I have also noticed that a great many people are completely unaware of anyone or anything else around them. I guess itâs what you might call complete and total self-absorption. Recently, a passenger went in between two beverage carts while trying to get to his seat. Instead of recognizing that he was causing the flight attendants a lot of difficulty in serving the other passengers, he just stood there with his headphones on, doing some kind of Tai Chi stretches in the aisle.
Early in my career I witnessed a wonderful payback that illustrates the overall consciousness of certain people on the planet these days. A flight attendant was walking down the narrow aisle of the aircraft and she was carrying a stack of about six dirty dinner traysâone on top of the otherâback to the galley. A very large passenger was walking up the aisle, and as he tried to navigate around the flight attendant he said, âHey, get me a Coke, will ya? Iâm thirsty.â Without missing a beat, the flight attendant answered, âOh, you need a Coke, do you? Well here, hold these and Iâll be glad to get you one.â With that she handed him the dirty trays and then very slowly walked back to the galley and poured him his drink.
Airline food has been the butt of many jokes over the years. People make fun of its quality, color, taste (or lack thereof), but as soon as you take it away people miss it! People used to complain about the food choices we offered: âAll you have are three choices?! And all of them terrible! My God, what is the world coming to?â Then as we incurred some cutbacks and started giving everyone the same meal, people were downright appalled: âYou mean everyone is getting the chicken? This is horrifying, I canât believe I donât have a goddamn choice!â To that fine gentleman I replied, âBut sir, you do have a choice: eat or donât.â Now, as cost-cutting measures continue, we have not only eliminated the choice, but on certain flights weâve eliminated the meal service altogether.
Just the other day a passenger reamed me out about the fact that there was no meal service on a one-hour flight at two in the afternoon. âWhat kind of cheap-ass airline is this anyway?â he inquired.
âOne of the finest,â I said. He didnât appreciate my humor (they never do), and so I will now take this opportunity to address the food situation and hopefully put an end to all the malarkey about airline cuisine. Airlines are in the transportation business, not the restaurant business! The primary reason they put food on airplanes in the first place was to occupy the passengers during long flights when commercial air travel was new to the world. They should have put in libraries instead, but no, somebody had to come up with the idea of serving six-course meals. There have been many noble attempts over the years to create the impression of a five-star dining experience at thirty-nine thousand feet: regional variations,
Unleashed Gluttony
I T IS NO WONDER we have an obesity epidemic in this country. Instead of trying to assuage the hunger of their souls with something meaningful and significant, people seem to choose to satisfy it with extra-large Diet Cokes, sugary doughnuts, greasy hamburgers, potato chips, and anything else that gives instant gratification and temporary fulfillment. Nowhere is this more apparent than on an airplane where you a have a cross section of society.
F LIGHT ATTENDANT: Hello, can I get you a beverage?
P ASSENGER: Yes, Iâll have a can of tomato juice, a bottle of water, and two cups of coffee with cream and sugar.
F LIGHT ATTENDANT: Are you ordering for the whole row?
P ASSENGER: No, thatâs just for me. . . . Iâm kind of thirsty.
F LIGHT ATTENDANT: I guess. Anything else?
P ASSENGER: Yeah, now that you mention it, Iâll have a can of apple juice for later.
In addition to the rampant gluttony, I have also noticed that a great many people are completely unaware of anyone or anything else around them. I guess itâs what you might call complete and total self-absorption. Recently, a passenger went in between two beverage carts while trying to get to his seat. Instead of recognizing that he was causing the flight attendants a lot of difficulty in serving the other passengers, he just stood there with his headphones on, doing some kind of Tai Chi stretches in the aisle.
Early in my career I witnessed a wonderful payback that illustrates the overall consciousness of certain people on the planet these days. A flight attendant was walking down the narrow aisle of the aircraft and she was carrying a stack of about six dirty dinner traysâone on top of the otherâback to the galley. A very large passenger was walking up the aisle, and as he tried to navigate around the flight attendant he said, âHey, get me a Coke, will ya? Iâm thirsty.â Without missing a beat, the flight attendant answered, âOh, you need a Coke, do you? Well here, hold these and Iâll be glad to get you one.â With that she handed him the dirty trays and then very slowly walked back to the galley and poured him his drink.
Airline food has been the butt of many jokes over the years. People make fun of its quality, color, taste (or lack thereof), but as soon as you take it away people miss it! People used to complain about the food choices we offered: âAll you have are three choices?! And all of them terrible! My God, what is the world coming to?â Then as we incurred some cutbacks and started giving everyone the same meal, people were downright appalled: âYou mean everyone is getting the chicken? This is horrifying, I canât believe I donât have a goddamn choice!â To that fine gentleman I replied, âBut sir, you do have a choice: eat or donât.â Now, as cost-cutting measures continue, we have not only eliminated the choice, but on certain flights weâve eliminated the meal service altogether.
Just the other day a passenger reamed me out about the fact that there was no meal service on a one-hour flight at two in the afternoon. âWhat kind of cheap-ass airline is this anyway?â he inquired.
âOne of the finest,â I said. He didnât appreciate my humor (they never do), and so I will now take this opportunity to address the food situation and hopefully put an end to all the malarkey about airline cuisine. Airlines are in the transportation business, not the restaurant business! The primary reason they put food on airplanes in the first place was to occupy the passengers during long flights when commercial air travel was new to the world. They should have put in libraries instead, but no, somebody had to come up with the idea of serving six-course meals. There have been many noble attempts over the years to create the impression of a five-star dining experience at thirty-nine thousand feet: regional variations,
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